...cos Oh my GOD this kid is just nom-ness in every conceivable way. He is just over a week old, is almost sleeping through the night 10pm til 6am (one feed at 2am is all he asks), only cries if he's hungry or can't quite settle himself and FEEDS FROM THE BOOB.

Omg.

Cos seriously. Omg.

That's about all I can say. Omg.

Due Date: 04/21/2009
Week: 40+4 days
Month: 10 (That's some funny shit right there)
Trimester: 3 (or maybe 4, I need to check this...)
Fetus Age: 39 weeks
Time to Go: About 3 years ago
Size: The coffee table
Time til potential induction: 6 days

Ultimatum of the day.

Consultant Mr U: We're obviously very concerned about this polyhydramnios. We would normally induce early on.

Me: But wouldn't that cause more problems?

Mr U: Well quite frankly we can keep an eye on things that way. But you don't want any intervention, is that right?

Me: Well yes...

Mr U: That I can understand. I know you're not happy about things.

Me: Yeah, intervention just freaks me out.

Mr U: Ok well that's fine. The plan is this - you can either have an internal now to see what's happening or you can stay in hospital until you go in to labour.

Me: ...uh...I'll just get undressed now...

And to add insult to injury? There's absolutely NO action AT. ALL. Zip, zilch, nada. Everything closed up and no sign of imminent arrival.*

Thrilled.

*I hasten to add, I've been on the raspberry leaf tea for some time, I'm eating pineapples til my mouth disintegrates, I've eaten more than enough spicy food, my crotch hurts for bouncing on the ball and my feet are like boats from walking around so much. And if anyone suggests sex, well, the only sex I'll be having is with a turkey baster, thanks.

Due Date: 04/21/2009
Week: 37+3 days
Month: 9
Trimester: 3
Fetus Age: 36 weeks
Time to Go: 19 days
Size: Smaller than your mother.


You all knew it was coming. You all said "at the end of the day, blah blah blah, healthy mom healthy baby, yaddah yaddah". You all sat there thinking how nuts I must be trying to deliver another big baby at home. I'll even bet some of you wondered what point I was trying to make, or what was I trying to prove.

Maybe I'm just very paranoid (which is very true).

But as of today, I have given up. Scan yesterday, showed baby measuring about 9lbs in weight, with potential to gain a pound a week, but could go 20% either way. Fluid levels down from 11 point something to 9.4cm, so they're dropping and things starting to look good.

So whaddup?

They're all too scared. They actually threw a million scare stories at me during today's appointment. Mr Consultant actually said if I decided to stay at home, then he would pretty much not be involved in the delivery, and would not advocate me staying at home. Yes a MW would be in attendance if I called in, they would have to be, they have no choice (by law). But "if something were to go wrong, I would take full responsibility and no body else could be to blame".

"But of course, Mrs M, the decision at the end of the day is yours!"

I had no point to prove. I had no point to make. I just wanted to deliver my baby in an environment that I knew I would be happy in, that I would be comfortable with. Without fear of what would the medical profession would try to do if they got too close.

I am SO fully aware of all the dangers. I am also fully aware of the dangers that could happen with ANY. OTHER. BIRTH. He even said himself that shoulder dystocia can happen in a birth with a "normal" size baby. But once again, they're just pointing out as many of the factors as possible, including the fact that my fluid levels are still too high. So what would be REALLY great is if people can just be in agreement with what the hell is normal and what isn't. I can't cope being told one week that 11cm is acceptable and shouldn't be concerned until we got to 24cm. And then the following week, well actually 9.4cm is still too high, and even though the level has dropped, that's still not good enough.

So you know what? They win. This is a fight I can't keep up anymore. I'm frustrated, I'm tired. If I go into labour I'll go in to hospital. I don't want to, but after all they've freaked me out with, how the hell am I supposed to happily and comfortably give birth at home?? Christ, today when I went for my appointment, ALL the staff knew who I was and why I was there. Now I'm thinking that can't always be a good thing.

So I give up. I'm gutted. Actually, I'm more pissed off than I am upset. Pissed off because I didn't want it to be this way. I didn't want this birth to be so tainted. Maybe I should have just given up the fight earlier, but how can I do that when I'm told so many different things every time I walk in there?

They want to do another liqor scan at 39wks, do an internal and if nothing's happening, they want to induce. Pah. I think they may have to catch me first. I can only thank god that he refuses to do C/S, and has no intention of inducing unless absolutely necessary. I can't even begin to say how grateful I am for that. But that comes on the back of no home birth, and I can't even have a water birth in hospital because of the fluid crap thing. I'm starting to feel like everything is being taken away ("the decision is yours Mrs M...") and that quite simply, I'm just not going to enjoy this birth at all. I know I can't have everything. But even the few things I wanted have now gone.

I'm really fucked off. Like, they can't even give me straight answers, they can't prove anything, they don't know anything for sure and they've made me feel like crap in the process.

So that's that. I pretty much hope I go into labour before 39 weeks because I cannot, just CAN NOT face induction. And yes I KNOW that people have been induced and it's gone great. Good for you. But that's not what I want. I also understand that babies need to cook for as long as necessary. I can assure you I know that too. Remember my own mother is a Midwife. So is D's mother. But understand that I do not want medical intervention.

I don't like the way this has turned out. But I know at this point now, there's not a fat lot I can do. That's fair enough. I understand I need to go in. I understand I pretty much have no choice. My hands feel like they've been tied somehow...but you know what? I'll deliver this baby, and I don't care what anyone says, it's going to have to take one SERIOUS frigging situation before they have to intervene. There will be no C/S. There will be no medical intervention.

Any intervention will be my own doing. And it'll probably be in the form of large quantities of pineapples and fair amount of power walking. Possibly with the odd curry thrown in. Now if you'll excuse me, these Braxton Hicks are driving me batshit and I have a Poopgate appointment with the bathroom.

Due Date: 04/21/2009
Week: 36+3 days
Month: 9
Trimester: 3
Fetus Age: 35 weeks
Time to Go: 25 days. Heh.
Size: Big enough to make regular people crap themselves.
Time til ANOTHER Growth Scan: 6 days

Ok, so I understand there are a few questions and situations that remain unanswered. And so, here are the results.

House viewings: Not interested at this stage. I didn't understand when the feedback was that the property was just too small. Which begs the question, why, having read the details on the web/brochure, did you come and view it, and also go round commenting on how huge the rooms were? Or...maybe you're a member of the Dumbass League? Awesome.

Noah: He doesn't have an ear infection (even though he's constantly rubbing his ears and wincing), and therefore one of the few explanations for his fantastic behaviour lately is indeed puberty. Or the fact that he somehow knows something is really up in this house (like the colossal fact that he's about to have a brother or sister).

And on that note, we've decided it's a boy. Not because of any scans. Not because of gut feeling. Not even because we straight out asked the Doc to tell us. Nope, it's because tonight, in the bath, Noah took it upon himself to say "brother". Always on cue, whenever prompted. Do you think he would say "sister"? Helllll nope. Wouldn't even make a sound. But every time, "brother" came out, crystal clear. Hell, I can't even get the kid to say mama or dada, and the closest we get to any word at the mo is "oof oof" (which of course, is a dog barking. Plenty in terms of sign language though, so we're sill happy).

TV Fantasies: I do have a thing for Nigel Barker and Gordon Ramsay. I have no idea why.*

Due Date: 04/21/2009
Week: 35+3 days
Month: 9
Trimester: 3
Fetus Age: 34 weeks
Time to Go: 32 days, though at this rate, who the hell knows?
Size: King/Queen
Time til NEXT Growth Scan: 7 days

Soooo....after all of that, it seems I've got other things to worry about. Thank you so much to all those who replied, and especially those who gave me a cyber kick up the arse. On reflection, yes I know it's hormones, and I'm stupidly tired and ha ha! Of course Noah doesn't hate me! (Not yet, anyway, give it about 14 years maybe) And this blog tends to receive the brunt of my whining (ya'll some very strong/supportive/intriguing people to carry on reading...that means a whole lot). But there are just some days, which we all have, when I just feel completely incompetent. And whilst it sucks, I think I just need to find some way to embrace that.

Due Date: 04/21/2009
Week: 33+6 days
Month: 8
Trimester: 3
Fetus Age: 32 weeks
Time to Go: 43 days
Size: Anywhere between an embryo and, uh, the TV.
Time til Growth Scan: 11 days

I am a truck. Well, no not really a truck, more like a small house. Only, somehow, I'm still not as big as I was at this stage with Noah. Somehow, I'm lighter and still in original sized clothes (below the bump, before one of you leaves a cocky comment heheh).

Due Date: 04/21/2009
Week: 33+4 days, so I should consider getting baby stuff ready I guess.
Month: 8
Trimester: 3
Fetus Age: 32 weeks
Time to Go: 45 days
Size: I reserve comment.
Time til Growth Scan: 13 days

TWO HOUSE VIEWINGS THIS WEEKEND!!! Needless to say we've been running around like headless chickens trying to tidy everything up (that's been, uh, fun..) and SuperNanny blitzed downstairs which was pretty impressive. One viewing out the way today, one more tomorrow, PLEASE GOD let the lovely people get into a bidding war over our house and make an obscenely high offer.

Noah's face is looking a little better:



We're thrilled to bits that his bruise spread down between his eye and nose, and is currently an interesting shade of greeny-yellow. Teamed with F.O.F., he looks a treat, yes?!

Due Date: 04/21/2009
Week: 33+0 days (like, shit me, 7 weeks to go. And COUNTING.)
Month: 8
Trimester: 3
Fetus Age: 31 weeks
Time to Go: 49 days
Size: Who knows? Normal? Ant? Peanut? ...table?
Time til Growth Scan: 16 days

Noah clearly got wind of T.O.O. preparing to make it's escape, shoving it's head and hands on my bladder forcing me to do pelvic floors and reminding me to go pee. Great.

Noah got out his cot again this morning. He hit the floor, and when I walked in, he was just sat in front of the radiator behind the curtain, deciding which dummy to use. Ok, not so bad. It was 6:30am ish, so obviously I gave him his connoisseur assortment of dummies and put him back in. He fussed for a while, went quiet, and I made that mistake of assuming he'd gone to sleep.

Which clearly wasn't the case because at 7:40 ish there was an almighty sickening thud and then just pure screams; the kind where you wonder if they're going to take a breath in between yells.

I half ran, half hobbled in (do you know how much you ignore pain when your kiddo is screaming? It's an amazing thing, and I'm just starting to understand it), to find him wedged between the head of his cot and the wall, head firmly rammed against the radiator. He was completely stuck, and very upset.

It sounds harsh, but I made him stand up on his own (I needed to know he was ok because I simply didn't have the first clue what to check for) and he seemed ok. Unfortunately, as I scooped him up and tried my damned hardest not to cry with him, I noticed a fantastically huge bump on his head. Thankfully he was un-phased, but sweet Jesus it was a bump, and quickly starting to bruise. Thank God it didn't get any worse, and was much better by tonight. And to be fair, by this evening, he was running around like a crazy lunatic kiddo, quite possibly on speed. I'm hoping he didn't frazzle some circuits.

So...we now face the fun fact that we're going to have to teach a 14 month old to stay in his bed at night. Cos bwahahhahahah!! Yeah that's just gonna be hilarious. I don't see what else we can do; there isn't anything left in his cot that he can use as leverage, he clearly has methods, and is training to be some sort of escape artist assassin ninja kid.

Yeah I can see that conversation now.

Me: Now Noah, mummy and daddy have taken the side off your cot because you keep climbing out.

Noah: Uh.

D: So now you have to stay in your bed, and not climb out.

N: AHH!

Me: And you must stay in your bed until the morning, and not stand at your doorway screaming like a banshee.

N: AHHHHH! 'oof 'oof...

Seriously. Cos it's gonna work so well. Loads of people suggested "crib covers" - we're yet to find one that Noah wouldn't/couldn't pull off in a heartbeat. We've taken the bumpers down so he can't use them to climb. D says he's walked in and found him with one leg cocked up the side of the cot, clearly preparing his escape. Much like he does in the bath.



He's still ultra cute though; he now does animal noises - meows like a cat, woofs like a dog, does a quacking gesture for duck, roars like a lion and moos like a cow. Plus he's addicted to his burpee when he's ready for cuddles; for a kid so crazy, rough-and-tumble insane, he is the cutest when he shoves his burpee against his ear and throws himself at you for cuddles. At least I'm padded enough to be reassured he won't sustain further injuries.

Due Date: 04/21/2009
Week: 32+6 days
Month: 8
Trimester: 3
Fetus Age: 31 weeks
Time to Go: 49 days
Size: NOT an adult. In my opinion.
Time til Growth Scan: 17 days

Due Date: 04/21/2009
Week: 28+6 days
Month: 7
Trimester: 3
Fetus Age: 27 weeks
Heartbeat: Awesome
Time to Go: 77 days
Size: NORMAL!!! (-ish)

I'm still 30, and I'm LOVING. IT. I've actually had a great couple of days, it's been such a laugh. D has really treated me to lots of stuff (including a new camera) and Noah has perked up so much he's been hilarious. I love them both so much.

I'm soooo not stressed about being 30; maybe because I've achieved goals that I wanted to achieve. Not by a certain age or anything, but I know I've got stuff to show for the last 30 years. Cool by me!

And so today we had the 4d scan for T.O.O. We obviously didn't find out the gender (and Mme. Sonographer #5 wouldn't tell us as soon as we initially said we didn't want to know. I didn't cave. I may have suggested writing it down and putting it in an envelope...). But oooooooooooh my god do we have another cutie on our hands! This one is much more poutier than Noah was in his 4d scan, and has the longest fingers I have ever seen. And it kept waving it's hands in it's face and wrinkling it's nose with cute expressions. And (yes, I'm gushing) it kept doing the most GORGEOUS thing where it snuggles against the cord or uterus wall like I'm some king sized snuggly lovey taggie blanket ommmggzzzz the cutenesssss!!!1!!1!!!!!!!!!!1!!!



"MA!! I AM MEATY BABY!! I present to you,
BEEFCAKE BICEP!!!!! ...let the nomming commence."



Contender for ANTM (with an attitude pout to wipe
the smile off anyone's face.*)



"Mmmmmmm lovin this placenta cushion thingy."



Did I mention the fingers?



This is obviously going in T.O.O. portfolio, ready for years
of baby modelling and making us lots of money.

And of course, the size measurements! Yes hmm. It's looking, uh, ah, interesting? Everything is measuring "perfect" she said, and then told us that it's all roughly 70th to 85th centile. So uh, yeah, you know, normal (for me maybe?). Actually I was more concerned by the fact that the head was huge, and that I'm going to give birth to a lollipop baby. It's only common sense telling me at this stage that I know the rest of the body plays "catch up" (hah!! Won't that be great).

She also said it probably weighs around 3lbs 2oz at the mo. Most of the stuff I read and hear about say average at this stage is 2lbs 7oz -ish. But that's ok. I'm not panicking. In fact, I know there are a number of things that can still come in to play here.

1) Growth could/will/maybe/might/possibly/hopefully(?) slow down in the next few weeks and towards the end.

2) There's a huge margin for error in scans. You know, like maybe a 2 million % either way, you know?

3) I still have my GTT tomorrow, which could flag up diabetes, depending on whether I devour another 4 chocolate eclairs (thanks D), the rest of my birthday coffee cake (thanks MIL), yet more Cherry Coke (thanks Tesco) and the rest of my birthday chocolates (thanks K and R, you guys rock). There's a CHANCE that this test could be negative. Right?

4) The slight concern that I have hydro...hydramo...wait a sec -

- oh yeah, polyhydramnios (excess amniotic fluid), and then Mme Son. #5 mentioned something about an infection and diabetes, and something about testing but never seeing a test come back positive, so that's another reason not to worry, right?

And, perhaps I should pay more attention to these things. So I guess it's additional tests tomorrow morning. Huzzah! **


* I hasten to add we do not know the gender, but since ANTM lately seems to be taking on male as well as female models, we see there shouldn't be any problems forcing our little one down the catwalk. ASAP. ***

** I truly am not worried, as I know what will be, will be (I'm still obviously going to try to push the button though, if I can of course). I am however, very interested to hear your views on the subject? Many thanks...

*** I think it's a girl. What do you guys think?

Due Date: 04/21/2009
Week: 28+0 days
Month: 7
Trimester: 3
Fetus Age: 26 weeks
Heartbeat: 140 summat
Time to Go: 83 days
Size: Leaning Tower of Pisa
Time til 4D Scan: 6 days
Days til I hit 30: TWO. TWO days and I'm thirty. Uh, whoop.

We are inconclusive. Noah has been to the docs, had everything checked (including the mysterious rash that had appeared on his neck in the space of 3 hours), inside his ears are slightly red but not inflamed, chest and throat clear, still has a slight temperature and we have to keep an eye on the rash (which was almost gone by the time he went to bed, 2 hours later).

The most we can get? Viral infection. That classic answer when no one AT ALL knows what the hell is wrong. But you know, that's ok. People have offered up a million different answers to what is wrong, which is fair enough. But at the end of the day, I couldn't give a monkeys to what's wrong, I just want my little guy better.

It's been such a shitty run of illnesses for him, and I know everyone (worldwide) is doing every sick bug under the sun at the mo. But I just want him to catch a break; long enough for him to not deal with F.O.F. or non-stop coughing or mysterious rashes which come and go in the blink of an eye.

So now, we just keep the Calpol to hand, and always be ready with a large stash of cuddles and burpess and dummies).

In other news, my SPD is now so chronic, Physiotherapist #3 is BOOKING ME IN for weekly appointments now. I think it may have something to do with the fact that on Monday my hips were misaligned by about two inches. Also, one side of my pelvis at the front had shifted out of place by about an inch, maybe an inch and a half. And people think I'm shitting them when I say it hurts to do anything.

I'd gotten to the point where my crutches (yes, from my pregnancy with Noah, which I may have neglected to return) were pretty useless, and every movement left me with tears in my eyes. Not my scene.

So she did her magic manipulation (after marvelling about it with a student, which made me laugh, maybe cos I was proud to be such a fine example?) and mother of god yes it hurt while she did it, but I can walk faster than a snail now, which is helpful. I'm sad that Noah wants to be picked up, like any little boy would, and I can barely do it; this breaks my heart, but I'd rather I cry with pain than have him cry because his mom won't cuddle him, ya know? How's the kid to understand?

So fingers crossed, SPD won't necessarily get better, but hopefully we can keep it under better control. I'm thinking of having Phys. #3 move into our house.

I have to say, I'm REALLLLLLLLY looking forward to the 4d scan on Monday; I feel like T.O.O. has barely had any attention already, and that's why it spends more time than Noah did making sure it kicks the living crap out of my system. Have you ever been lying on your side, and been kicked so hard from the inside you actually roll over? It's very surreal. We won't be finding out the gender, but needless to say I will probably spend hours scanning the dvd afterwards for any clues that only an amateur would pick up on.

I'm NOT looking forward to the GTT on Tuesday, as the last thing I could do with is another "told you so" from the medical world (especially after how much I adore them already). But hey, they wanna do their tests which is fair enough. I will not say "told you so" if everything comes back normal. Also I will not be pissed off if everything goes pear shaped.*

Another thing I AM looking forward to is a trip down to the south coast at the start of Feb; I'm going to see a friend who I've never met in person. We've spoken many times, and I first got in touch with him by texting him pics of Noah to compare to his own newborn and offering some breastfeeding advice this time last year.

He has no newborn, and I'm hoping to sweet lord in heaven that he does not breastfeed his 2 twenty-something sons.**

I'm going down on my own, without Noah or D, and staying in a hotel on the coast; and I'm excited because it's going to be 2 days of just me. It sounds so selfish, and I know I'll feel a little bit guilty while I'm down there, but this will be the first real break from everything in what feels like an eternity. And it's a break I need, hopefully just to put my head back on the right way round for a little while. Maybe escape some of this endless flying poop.


*Both of these statements are of course blatant lies.
**I hasten to add I thought I was texting someone else, until he politely told me I'd got the wrong number. (EPIC FAIL).

Due Date: 04/21/2009
Week: 27+0 days
Month: 7
Trimester: 3 (what the freaking fuckity fuck?)
Fetus Age: 25 weeks
Heartbeat: Dunno, useless MW# 9,022 didn't tell me
Time to Go: 90 days
Size: Dot
Time til 4D Scan: 12 days

You know all about this button that I'm going to push, right? Nooo not that button, which I still haven't pushed by the way, I mean THIS button.

Well it seems there are people who don't understand my desire to push the frigging button, and therefore push my buttons, which, well, just makes me want to bitch slap them.

Allow me to explain, because that barely even made sense to me.

Midwife appt today, and MW#2, or possibly 17 (lost count, it was the one who dealt with me when preg with Noah) was there along with a trainee. I have no major issues with MW#2, apart from that every so often she may say little things that niggle me a bit. Today she niggled me a LOT.

Trainee MW#n: You want another home birth, yeah?

Me: Ideally; Noah's birth went so well and hospitals freak me out a bit so...

MW#2: Ah but you still had to go into hospital after all of that didn't you? Ha ha!!

Which meant I then had to explain the tearing situation to Trainee while MW#2 (to me) looked quite smug. Hmm, thanks bitch, that's just what I need. MW#3 wanted the job done properly. The end. Get over yourself, biatch.

It's not the first time she's said that, so I'm kinda used to it (though I shouldn't have to be) so I let it go. Unfortunately she seemed to be on a roll today.

Trainee MW#n: Noah was a big baby, yeah?

Me: Yup!! Just shy of 11lbs.

TMW: And you had him at home?

Me: Yup!! (whilst climbing on to bed to be checked) Waterbirth and it was brilliant, would like to do it again.

T: Great!

MW#2: Yeah there's NO WAY she'd have given birth at home without the pool, it would definitely have been shoulder dystocia, it just wouldn't have been successful.

...wtf? Bitch, what the hell did you just say? With me in the room? Are you ragging me up for real?? I appreciate Noah was big, potential problems, yaddah yaddah, but what the fuck? Where the hell is the support that I deserve? Do you have any idea what the hell you're saying? And do you have a fucking clue that saying shit like that, with me IN THE ROOM, is a sure fire way to make me want to have a home birth even more???!

Freaking stupid whore.

She pissed me off immensely with her attitude and extremely unsupportive self, and I would be less bothered had she made the comment to me directly with no one else in the room. But no, this is the attitude she chooses to spread amongst TRAINEES, fer fucks sake. I'm mostly pissed off with her lack of support. Yes I KNOW there are dangers (as with EVERY frigging labour). Yes I KNOW it could be another big one (even though nobody really knows idea what size it will be). Yes I KNOW I'll have to go in if something goes wrong (what do you take me for? A brainless gibbering dumbass without a clue?) At the end of the day, bitch, I did it, didn't I? And there were no serious complications? In fact, bitch, were you even there??

I twittered about it and had a great response about what to do:

cosmicgirlie: Midwife totally has me wound up today. Thinking about bitch slapping her, but that would be bad. Right?

kirstymorrisuk: depends if you film yourself doing it, then post it to YouTube whilst laughing your tits off. That would then be bad :D

cg: ...is it wrong that I like that idea? (or at the very least, it really made me laugh?)

kmuk: What can I say - I am a Muse to Disorder, Chaos and General Mischief. Miss Loki to the man on the street. Go on, do it... ;)

cg: You have NO IDEA how tempting it is. I might even add roaring flames as a background or something.

kmuk: I can see it now YOU: Mwahahaha, I'll teach u how to breath properly (*slapping midwife hard across the face*) MIDWIFE: Ouch.

cg: Damn...I'm gonna have to make this into some kind of screen play...

kmuk: Working Title "Attack of the Bitchwives" :D

And then I spoke to my mother (also a midwife) who advised that I ask to speak to a Supervisor Midwife about the situation, and request her at the birth. It's a tough call but the tiny sensible part says I should do that.

But let it be known, that if I have no joy, then screenplay it is. To be performed in the next month or so.

Due Date: 04/21/2009

Due Date: 04/21/2009
Week: 20+4 days
Month: 5
Trimester: 2
Fetus Age: 19 weeks
Heartbeat: 139 bpm
Time to Go: 135 days
Size: Canteloupe. You're shittin' me, right?

SCAN SCAN SCAN !!!!!!!!

OMG Scan THURSDAY!!!! I'M STILL IN AWE!!!!

IT'S A...


...









BABEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

Nope, sorry peeps, didn't find out the gender. But we did find out it looks quite like Skeletor.




And it's going to be a ballet dancer. Or maybe a boxer.




Either way it's cute with a round head and squishy cheeks already and a spine and stuff.






There were no clues whatsover regarding gender, and we didn't ask either. We couldn't believe how much it was moving around though; we actually watched it flip over so it's back was upwards, legs and arms all over the place. Mme Sonographer looked, um, bemused when she measured the head. Then commenced a conversation which sounded familiar to us:

Mme Sonographer: Uh...I'm just going to measure the head again.

Me: Yep, that's fine.

D: Yeah I think we're used to that.

Mme S: So you're not surprised if it's meauring big?

Me: Nope. Noah was pretty much 11lbs when he was born.

Mme S: ...excuse me??

So on my charts T.O.O. is measuring nearly 1½ weeks early. Oh and hey! Guys!! Remember all you folks from last time when I said "yeah yeah, it's measuring WEEKS ahead, and I think it's gonna be huge" and you were all, like "Oh ya, they say that to everyone" and I was like, "No but seriously, this thing is HUGE!" and you were all like "ya...whatever, get over it now" and then I gave birth to a GIANT and you were all, kinda like, "Uh, wtf?".

And I was like "BITCHES!"

So yeah uh, maybe this time we'll JUST WAIT AND SEE huh? I had an appointment with the consultant registrar yesterday and we discussed Pushing the Button. Needless to say, she made the world's biggest issue about Shoulder Dystocia, which I fully understood and appreciated. I was kinda sad at the same time, because I felt a bit like I was being goaded into going to hospital, and she seemed to miss the point that actually, everything could go ok.

BUT, of course I understand why she was doing it. She has to cover her own back, I have to be sensible and realistic, and (quote) she doesn't want me to blame them if it all went wrong. That I can understand.

I guess the biggest things for me are the facts that:

• I've done it once, I can do it again.
• I will freak the fuck out if I have to give birth in hospital.
• 2nd babies aren't always bigger.
• Shoulder Dystocia occurs in about 1% of births.

I'm stubborn, I'm fully aware of that. However, I also know how I function, and what the hell scares me, and what the hell doesn't. Lady Registrar could clearly see that I was trying to make sensible decisions, and that I wouldn't try to be a hero if things started to go wrong. In agreement, however, we'll be having growth scans at 28 and 30 weeks.

Sure I don't want a Caesarian, but I'm not about to endanger my life or more importantly T.O.O.'s life for the sake of a home birth. But surely it's not quite fair to predict doom and gloom on any birth when let's face it; every single birth in the world is filled with a certain number of risks.

There's an irony to be had here. With Noah, I regularly told health professionals that it was going to be huge. No one listened. No one batted an eyelid. In fact they told me not to be silly. Now I'm still all laid back and just want to get on with it, no panic in my eyes, cool and confident. And they're all shitting themselves.

Does that even begin to make sense to you?

First of all, before anything else, can I just say thank you so much to all those who responded to my last post. I appreciate ALL responses, and it was so reassuring to have that reminder that there are actually people who do still give a shit (about me) because a lot of the time I forget.

So, thanks.

Due Date: 04/21/2009
Week: 18+4 days
Month: 5
Trimester: 2
Fetus Age: 17 weeks
Heartbeat: 141 bpm
Time to Go: 149 days
Size: Sweet potato. Ok I cooked some of these earlier and there were like, 5 different sizes. I pick the smallest.
Time til Big Scan: 11 days

After that post, unfortunately things took an unpleasant turn. In that fab way I do, I'm all happy smiles at the moment, but I'm still not quite sure what's bubbling away in the back of my mind. I do know that I can't keep going through all of this; I'm fast running out of stamina (or may have run out already) and I'm particularly scared about my future (in many, many ways).

D and I are still together, I still have my boy, and my baby. The three of them seem to be doing ok. D perhaps has a slightly better understanding of what's going on, but I don't know to what extent. Noah of course is being great again, he has his off moments and he still uses tantrums when he can (it's what they do, right?) but I'm trying my best to ignore them in the hope they'll maybe fade out in about 15 years time.

MW #2 had fun trying to find The Other One's heartbeat this week; it wouldn't keep still long enough (dear sweet Lord, please spare us...) and after 5 minutes she very nearly gave up. But hey, at least she knew where to look (and skimming through that post, it concerns me that a year later I still have a strong desire to shoot the neighbours. Noisy stupid whores).

There's loads more I could say, but not right now I think. So instead, here are a bunch of pictures off my lovely new phone, whilst I go and wait for my Chinese food to arrive. I am the healthiest person alive.



ACK. The cuteness.



!revliS oh iH




NOM.

Due Date: 04/21/2009
Week: 16+0 days
Month: 4
Trimester: 2
Fetus Age: 14 weeks
Heartbeat: 147 bpm
Time to Go: 166 days
Size: Avocado. You know I have a naval orange and an avocado right here, and the avocado is actually bigger.

Still not gonna eat it though.

Noah is ill. Again. He has a cold, and we're all suffering for it. It's kinda odd, because he's such a good kid and rarely makes a fuss if he's ill. Yesterday he crawled up on to my lap several times and just lay there watching tv (and every time, a limb would fall asleep because I was so uncomfortable, but do you think I was gonna be stupid enough to move when my grossly independent child wants a cuddle? Hell to the mother puppy no.) in between shouting at his toys and refusing food. Today he spent the day dancing to Bunnytown, still refusing food (apart from breadsticks and rice cakes) and rugby tackling me.

If it wasn't for the food thing, oh and him constantly sticking out his tongue trying lick the delightful ever-flowing trail of snot from his nose, I'd never know he was ill. Somehow, with 4 teeth also cracking through at the top, he's still so aweome.



D and I are suffering mostly in that we feel sad for him obviously, but also last night was pretty rough as he woke up a few times. Obviously we're (secretly) smug that he's been sleeping through (like, 10 - 12 hours) since about 2 months, so that came as a shock to the system. I hate when he cries while he has a cold as it's the saddest most whimpering cry you've ever heard, but you know there's nothing you can do for him. If he'd let me I'd just pick him up and smother him with kisses and cuddles.

My latest game is "Guess What Causes Migraines?" and it's just the Best. Game. Ever. Current candidates include Chinese food, mobile phones, work and lack of sleep (I promise I will explain that small issue of work soon, just, not yet). I never had so much fun...at this stage I'm immensely thankful that the sciatica and SPD are reasonably under control. Also thankful I've not had a migraine re-occurance as bad as the last biggie, but it bothers me that there's always a niggling migraine, every single day...

I also seem to have (FINALLY) discovered my "renewed 2nd trimester energy" (which has been a freaking long time coming) but has proved to be great playing with Noah. His "rugby tackling" is so hilarious, along with the insane grin, full charge, raised arms and growling that goes with it! Man he cracks me up.

You're probably wondering about the new car...or you're probably not but I have no feasible segue that I can think of right now, but there's a hold up - not picking it up until Friday! And all because I wanted an iPod adaptor fitted (surely those things come as standard in so many cars?) so I'm still driving the Little Orange Thing at the mo...and oddly enough I'm more gutted than I thought I would be, but hey, ya know, something for the, uh weekend...

Something to make you chuckle? I'm 16 weeks along, more flab than bump, and I'm having Braxton Hicks contractions. Can you believe I forgot all about those momentary spasms of joy?

Due Date: 04/21/2009
Week: 15+5 days
Month: 4
Trimester: 2
Fetus Age: 14 weeks

Due Date: 04/21/2009
Week: 13+5 days
Month: 4
Trimester: 2
Fetus Age: 12 weeks
Heartbeat: 151bpm
Time to Go: 182 days
Size: Peach, apparently, but that could depend on what country you're in.

So this morning, I have had an extra nap with Noah, he then had breakfast (complete self-fed finger food breakfast - Cheerios, Corn Flakes, Raisin Wheats, fruit pouch, cup of water), shipped him off to grandparents, had a shower, had breakfast and am now sitting in front of the tv. I've even washed my hair (no idea when I last did that).

I've pooped. I realised it'd been approaching a week and was about due. Noah hasn't pooped. That'll be nice for the grandparents.

Every so often I feel The Other One having a fidget, and heartbeat is always heard clearly on the doppler. In the mornings before my colossal pee, I have a ski slope of a bump.

Weight loss has slowed down, but I'm still only 5lbs heavier than I was at this stage with Noah. Appetite is still minimal, Cheetos addiction has phased off a bit, but hey! That's ok. I know I'll find some other crap to eat.

I'm physically exhausted and still have the odd migraine twinge, but the good lord has decided that my drugs WILL work, and I'm no longer ploughing my way through a thousand tissues a day.

My car should hopefully be ready tomorrow, and I will no longer have to drive the Bum Nut C3.

Noah is cutting 4 teeth at the top, all at exactly the same time; all 4 have cut the gum open and are waiting to make their grand appearance, which we expect by this time next week.

Come on bitches, I dare ya to try me now.

Due Date: 04/21/2009
Week: 12+0 days
Month: 3
Trimester: 2
Fetus Age: 10 weeks
Heartbeat: 157 bpm
Time To Go: 194 days (A short eternity)


Scan last week showed everything to be hunky-dory, with The Other One bouncing around insanely on the screen, moreso than Noah did. Nope, nope, I'm not scared. Another child livelier than Noah? Nope, not possible.

Jesus, kid isn't even born yet and I already don't have time for it. Or maybe I'm that freaking tired. Or it's 00:10 at night and I know I should've been in bed maybe 3 hours ago.

Happy Second Trimester-ish! (Hehe, there's another argument to gnaw over.)

(Watching an ad on TV for Disneyworld)

D: I can't wait to take Noah and The Other One to Disneyworld

Me: The Other One??

D: Oops you know, I mean Mocha...er, not Mocha...Mocha II...

Me: The Other One?????

D: I don't like Mocha! It doesn't seem right.

Me: But you wanted Mocha!

D: Yeah I know but -

Me: And I've already blogged with Mocha II!!!

D: Yeah well -

Me: The Other One????!!!!!!!! I bloody argued and you said -

D: Yeah I know -

Me: And so now you call it The Other One?????!!! (Slightly incredulous expression)

D: ...

Me: You DO know you ARE the father of this child? It does actually belong to you?

D: ...

Me: Dude.



I love pregnancy hormones, they're awesome.