AAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK, insert string of expletives here.

Remember the nightmare that was breastfeeding? Well son of a bitch I might as well have just given up from day one.

And as an aside, since I actually am a bitch, does that mean Noah is actually a son of a bitch?

Anyway, yeh, breastfeeding and shit, guess which son of a (nah sorry not working for me) - guess which little man appears to have a dairy intolerance of some sort? *snort*

He had a Little Stars yogurt last Thursday, and all round his mouth turned bright red with tiny little blisters. Lovely!! So the next day I gave him Greek yogurt (sadistic bitch that I am) and we had the same response. Sunday I gave him half a baby spoon of cows milk. See above.

The thing I'm trying to understand is, is it milk allergy? Is it lactose intolerance? Well either way, I hauled my over-cautious ass to Sainsbury's and bought some Soya Milk. I've never ever tried it but for some reason the idea repulses me.

Anyhoo! He hasn't tried it yet, because he's spent the last 24 hours howling (that's actually bollocks, it just feels that way. He's been miserable off and mostly on all weekend) and my nerves are totally screwed (like, totally!!!!!). He's eating all kinds of fruit and vegetables which is all really exciting, but it looks like I'll be expressing for a little longer than I thought. Took him to see lovely Dr#2, who advised soya/rice milk. Or (dun dun DUUUUUUUHHHHHN) lactose free f....






(It's like the anti-christ, only it isn't, just completely blown out of proportion by my good self.)

So in the cupboard I have a can of the F word. Not The F Word, I mean this F word.

I guess he'll try soya milk some point this week, or maybe I'll just be too chicken and give it to him the very day he turns 6 months.

Still no teeth, although congrats to Baby B, Mr Baby O and Lil Miss P on their chompers!! My god they look cute. Am jealous? Of course. But I'm irrational, I'm allowed to be.

No crawling yet either, think he's been to miserable, but still more sudden lunges forward, which I can't quite work out how he's doing it, seemingly without moving his limbs. It's sort of exciting, but sort of not, since it doesn't really seem to be happening, or am I just that impatient (Hell yes scream a chorus of internet).

Congrats also go out to the Lovely J and G R on the birth of their GORGEOUS lil baby girl. Going to see them on Thursday, no doubt I'll come away feeling teary about the fact that I never had a tiny precious baby.

(Dear GOD am I that much of an ungrateful whore???!!! Unfortunately it's the truth. SHEESH Internet, can I not be honest in my own blog??)

Hi! My name's Jay, and I have issues.

My child does not stand a chance.