April YOR sucked.

Blogging every day is just not my thing.

But you know what I DID learn? I learnt that I don't blog for other people. I just can't. I can't write something just for the sake of someone else having something to read. I CAN, however, write something because I feel like it, I can put something out there when I feel I need to, and I can blog whenever the hell I like.

Which is a good thing! This whole YOR is all about me trying out new stuff and learning from it, right? Ok granted I have already failed miserably at some of them (and no I'm not going to link them, because I suspect some are pretty obvious), but that's ok, because here we are about to jump into month number 5, and um, yeah I haven't decided what to do for the next one.

I suspect it will be something along the lines of posting a photo every day. I've seen people using people BlipFoto and it looks pretty good...or maybe I should actually just open the account in the first place and aim to post every so often...maybe 4 times a week? Doing "A Month of Me" on flickr was pretty good fun, so something similar, maybe?

I don't think it would be pics for JMP, just pics for me, mostly like Tara's Gallery; just to take the pressure off. Hmmm.

But yeah, in summary.

It's been a crazy month for blogging. A post came from nowhere and made me realise that actually, I blog because there IS no pressure on what I want to say. I know there's more like that to come; talking to a friend recently made us both realise that there's potentially a monster outpouring ready to go, but only when we're ready. So no, I'm not going force that anymore. Didn't even enjoy trying it.

But that's ok. It's a new...month, right?
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Sometimes it whizzes by in a blur. It's a rough and ready ride.

Sometimes it seems to move at a snails pace. Everything grinds to a halt.

Sometimes we're thrown out into the middle of it, to find our own way out.

Sometimes we're given a companion to share and learn with, and discover new things.

But sometimes? When life starts to get the better of you? Smile. And it becomes a tiny bit easier. (The boys advise me that sticking out your tongue and laughing scores bonus points.)

We all have places to go in life. Just don't forget where you came from. :oD


This post is for Tara Cain over at The Gallery.

All images are copyright Jay Mountford Photography.
Please ask permission if you want to use them.
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If you do I will return your pet.

If you do it before 5pm, I'll return your pet unharmed.
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...he sure knows his stuff when it comes to singing along with the Wall-E soundtrack.

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It is currently 7:04 p.m. on a Saturday night. D and I have just finished "The Bedtime Routine", which we start pretty much every evening at 6:15 p.m. Both Noah and Isaac have been fed, bathed, had a story, brushed teeth, kisses, cuddles and "goodnights"...

And we won't hear from them again until the morning, around 6:45 a.m. Noah reads books until we go to him, Isaac lies there with his thumb in his mouth until he sees we're awake (when he'll promptly start talking to us).

The routine goes like clockwork, every single evening, regardless of who does it (whether one of us is out, or we're both out and a grandparent does it). They are both in bed by 7 p.m. And no, we don't keep going back to them once they're down. Sometimes Isaac will shout at his cot a bit. Sometimes Noah gets up and decides he wants to sleep with every single book in his room, tucked in with him in his bed.

But they don't fuss.

And it's always been this way.

Noah slept through the night from around 6 or 7 weeks. Isaac slept through from about 2 weeks. Both would wake for feeds, fuss a little, then go back to sleep.

So what is it? Did we get lucky? Are we jammy bastards? Are we bloody good at what we do? Are we jammy bastards? Are our kids very easy? Are we jammy bastards?

Don't get me wrong; early on with Noah, we had stretches where he would not go to sleep without our help. His dummy wasn't enough, and he had to have his back rubbed and patted until he fell asleep. And if his dummy fell out in the night, we were up and down shoving it back in every half an hour.

Until we did a few nights of cry it out (which was sheer hell, and would never wish on any living human being, ever). But even so, this still very early on. Maybe 4-6 months old?

I feel awful when we have a night where one of them fusses through, like last night. Isaac has some awesome FOF going right now (it was caked up all over his face this morning, kinda like a face mask) and so he was really struggling to breathe, plus he decided to poop around 3 a.m. So I was up to sort him out. And so when I mention it on twitter or facebook, because I know there are SO MANY PARENTS out there who are pretty bloody lucky to get a stretch of 3 hours sleep. On a good day.

We regularly get 7 hour stretches. We'd get more if we would just go to bed on time.

How does it all work? Is it us, the parents? Is it them, the kids? Is it a joint effort? How does it work in your household? If it does work, what's your secret? If it doesn't work, what would you change?
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My mum (a midwife) brought round her baby scales today, to weigh Isaac. Remember I mentioned before how he's not a big kiddo like he kind of should be? And how he was born way off the damn charts because I take great pleasure in producing 11lb babies with no diabetic/sugar induced help whatsoever?


He's pretty much gaining no weight. Actually, to be fair, he's gained 4oz. In 2 months. He still hasn't actually doubled his birth weight yet. Noah, on the other hand, had more than doubled his birthweight by the time he was approaching a year old.

I know they aren't all meant to be the same. But I'm quietly worrying more and more now. His clothes bought for him over 5 months ago still fit him exactly the same. EXACTLY. The. Same.

He's otherwise perfectly healthy, he eats a TON of food, he's cruising really well, has (unknowingly) stood up unaided a few times now...

He's just not growing. I'm trying desperately hard to NOT let my worries get ahead of me. But much like I did with Noah and his speech, I have that same niggling feeling something isn't as it should be. It doesn't make any kind of sense. Something doesn't feel right.

So do I be all proactive and hassle professionals to take a look at him and force the issue to find out there's actually nothing wrong?

Or do I sit back and listen to everyone saying "It's ok, stop worrying, he'll be fine, he'll just suddenly start growing"?

Do you know that for sure?
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There's stuff to come. It'll come.

It scares me, but I'm sure it'll come.

So many life changing events, they scare me. But there's more to come.

I really hope I can cope. When the time comes. I want to be able to cope.

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Lovely Lady TC

I know this note is gonna seem really weird, but I just wanted to say thank you. Your gallery idea is so bloody brilliant, and I love how even when I submit a crappy gallery pic, I've still had to think very carefully about what to post. And even if the pic sucks, I still try to make it worthwhile with my choice of words.

My last post, "Oh. Hello Stranger." has pressed so many of my buttons. It's so funny because, when I first started out on this particular Gallery theme, it WAS going to be a silly one. I've got 4 of the photos ready to go, and know what I want to do for the others.

Actually, I KNEW what I WANTED to do. But not anymore, because once again, you've made me think in a completely different way. There are mahoosive stories behind this post, which I come ever close to sharing with more and more people; had it not been for your Gallery, this teeny tiny snippet of history wouldn't have become such a public part of my blog. I know I don't give away too much; it's still incredibly raw. But I'm close; I'm so close. And that's pretty good, I think, for me.

But anyway. I just want to say thanks. So much. For helping me find an outlet in a way so natural to me. For helping me push my boundaries and make me think. For such an awesome idea. For being so inspiring for so many people.


Everyone Who Commented Previously

I don't know what to say. Apart from, obviously, thank you. My blog is changing; I didn't mean for it to happen, but it's reassuring and yet quite frightening. I'm changing as a person, it's out of my control, and I need to make sure I can BE the person I'm turning into.

Some of you know how big a change it is. Others are completely unaware. And that's ok. There's a lot to learn about me, so much more, and in nearly three years of blogging, amazingly, I don't think I've given away much of the stuff I think is huge.

But that's ok. It's coming. Soon. I'll change. Things will change. And that's ok.

So thank you, for helping me. I hope I can help you too, because quite a few of you have said you want to get your musical instruments out to play again. But you say you're intimidated. Or scared. Or nervous. Or wary. You know what? I was all those and more. So much more. But if I can do it? ANYONE can do it. And even better? We'll be here to support you. In fact, I'd love you to get in touch if you decide to play again. Even if you don't get it out. Even if you're just thinking about it.

We can support each other. I know it.


People Who Are Keen to Hear Me Play

I am a LOOOONG way from that just yet. Or at least, I think I am. It won't be this week. Or maybe next week. I doubt the week after. But I might catch myself off guard...and it might even be tomorrow. Or next year. I don't know. I may be proud of how far I got, but I'll never be proud enough to brag of my "skills" or "talent" or whatever.

Sure I have concerts coming up. I can say that now. I'm coming to terms with that now. You're welcome to come here me play, but I'll be safely buried away in the security blanket of an orchestra.

I like it that way. For now.

Maybe one day I'll vlog me playing.


One day.


JG and CB

I'm glad you're proud of me. I really am. Whether it's the cello or the camera, it doesn't matter. I'm like a kid who wants to be patted on the head and rewarded with a tiny "well done". Because no one else did it before, when I was going through the heartache. So when my best friends say things like that?

It means more than anything.

I love you.

jay xxx
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I didn't think I'd see her again so soon. She went away last November, and I hadn't planned on seeing her again for quite some time.

It wasn't my idea, though. I wasn't ready to say hello yet. I'm nervous. I'm not sure I can do it yet. But I'm wondering if I ever should have said goodbye.

A sudden flurry of emails, texts and phone calls this last month...why me? Why were people making me deal with her again? I hate that people want me to use her again. I hate the reminder of what they put me through. Sometimes I think I still hate her. So resentful. Few know why. Some should know why, but probably don't realise it. Few knew of my wrath. I'm so angry with all I had to go through; feels like it was all for nothing.

And yet, when I held her last week, for the first time in what felt like forever, I remembered. It's been 5 months. But I remember. I remember everything I've been through. I remember feeling so proud of her, proud of myself. Proud of overcoming all the insane obstacles to keep going for as long as I did.

I recognised her straight away...I've been a part of her for 26 years. It felt natural, she feels right, she feels good. I'd forgotten how much I could yearn for her. I forgot that seductive feel of her beneath my fingers. How she felt whenever I caressed her. I lusted after the emotions she provoked. I lusted after her.

Even so, I'm still bitter when I hold her. So full of envy, of what others could achieve with theirs; that maybe I would never be as good as they. They were better than me, theirs were better than mine. My eyes were always green, but it always made me work harder. Ever harder. But I could never be as good as them.

Strangely, even now, I'm lazy. I want to play with her again, but...I find excuses to not even pick her up. My slothfulness prevents me from going back to that place where I once was. That time when I felt almost invincible, with her power. The lack of power leaves me a little empty. The ever lasting energy she produced; reduced to nothing.

I know why I don't want to go back. I was punished. She punished me. They punished me. But I'm a glutton for punishment. I pick her up, and try to shove it all aside. Like I don't remember any of it. I go back though. I punish myself. I always did. Gluttonous. For punishment.

Is it too much?

No. It’s not enough. I want more. I want more than just her. I want so many things. I have a thirst. A greedy thirst to do so much more than just be with her. The greed consumes me; exhausts me, but I hunger for more.

Other passions invade, I want them all. It’s not enough to be Mother. Cellist. Photographer.

And so, I pay the price for my sins.


This post is inspired Tara Cain's "The Gallery".

Please do not use images without direct permission from Jay Mountford. Thanks.
I really suck at posting everyday. Much as I love to blog, I become very wary of posting Every. Single. Day. I just don't have that much interesting stuff to say! That, and the majority of it you've heard before. Or no one's interested in.

That, plus in forcing myself to try to post every day, has made me start posting for every one else, rather than myself.

I try to please way to many people with this blog, I swear...

Ok, today I'm going to vent about Isaac. Or at least, Isaac and his slow growth thing. Plenty of people have seen how much food he puts away. He currently eats twice as much as Noah, though is not as active (he's obviously not walking yet, just coasting and crawling, plus he has way more down time than Noah). Yet he is pretty much putting on no weight, not gaining any length, but still looks cuter than any other human baby known to, uh, me.

He's dropped from above 99th centile down to 25th, and everyone's all "Oh it's ok! He's just levelling out! He's an active kid! Why can't you just accept the fact you have a dwarf baby?"

(I have nothing against dwarf babies. Honestly. But if he decides he IS gonna be a dwarf baby? I'd at least like to make sure he has permission from a doctor/professional/google to do so.)

He's otherwise healthy (as far as I can tell) and happy...but that good old doubt and maternal instinct likes to quietly chew away at my left ass cheek, meaning I can't just sit around and hope for the best.

Who the hell in their right mind made me a Mother???

Ok, since I'm clearly just writing about a load of shit, I think this is a great time to re-plug the fact that I made it to Position #79 of the tots 100 UK Parent Blogs:

TOTS 100

Family Holidays

And also, whilst this obviously isn't first place, it's still in the top 100, which totally means you should go vote for me over at the MADs (Mums And Dads? Bloggers? Should it be MAD Bs? Perhaps not, because with a mind like mine, that just makes me think of "Mad Bastards" or something, and seeing as that's much less effective, I'll just let that one go...)

Er -

YEAH!! Go vote for me over at the MADs.


You just know that if you do, I'll totally send you chocolate biscuits and some pictures of beautiful babies. And, um, you can borrow my private jet which is invincible to all volcanic ash.
Just to let you know, I'm trying my best to stay on top of the whole photography thing...it seems to be going pretty well... :o)

PS I'm looking to start doing some baby bumps next - got a growing maternity belly and would like some beautiful shots taken for memories? Let me know. I can send you a price list for prints, and I'm happy to travel...get in touch!!

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We all have them. For different things.

Physically. Emotionally.

I'm trying hard to understand mine, especially when it comes to parenting.

I figure out how to deal with things by tapping in to my mechanics. I find there are automatic strategies that kick in when I'm running out of the ability to just cope.

But some strategies scare me, and it's usually when I'm not coping.

There's a chain of reactions, it seems. And I don't like any of them. And it's always related to Noah.

First, I fly off the handle. I come down on him. Hard. But then he starts whining, and I lose patience. I know I never, EVER want to see what comes after yelling at him, so my auto mechanism kicks in.

I shut down.

It's not even "just ignoring him", it's complete shut down. My brain turns off, my body goes on auto-pilot, my emotions die. I'm cold.

"Is this what he'll remember?" I ask myself. "Am I failing him in not being able to deal with him? Am I being lazy? Am I being irresponsible?" are the questions that go through my mind.

How long will this go on for? I don't like doing it, but I never seem to spot the "acceptable alternative". I struggle to bond with him as it is, and I always feel like the one who needs to keep him under control. Everyone says he's "Oh but he's so amazing! He's so lovely! He's so well behaved!!" And they're right. Of course he is.

But that's come from two years of mechanical maintenance. His maintenance.

But I hate mine. He's so lovely. I am not. My mechanics are ugly. Every time I feel them kick in, I hate who I become; I always hope the repercussions do not last long. But surely...they chip away? They break spirit? Mine and his?

My parenting mechanics feel set in stone. So how do I change them? Can I change them?

Do I need to break...to create a new mechanical structure?
Ok I got tagged in a photo meme.

(How do you say that word? Is it, "meem"? Or maybe "mehm"? Or possibly even "meh-meh"? Or perhaps "mee-mee"? Help me out here.)

I immediately crapped myself when I saw my name over at Lifeslightlyused's Blog when I saw what I was tagged for, given the billions of photos on my macbook! But as she's so lovely (and people have tagged me before for this one and I've been too crap to get on it) I thought I should chance it.

So here are the rules:

1 . Open the first/oldest photo folder in your computer library
2. Scroll to the 10th photo
3. Post the photo and the story behind it
4. Tag 5 or more people to continue the thread.

So I opened and scrolled. Here's the pic:

This is Baby Mocha, and in this pic, Baby was about 28 weeks old in utero. D and I had gone for our first ever 4D scan. Here is Baby Mocha, looking almost directly at the camera, and that going up behind the head is an arm. I love this picture, and couldn't believe what we were seeing, given that we'd had a bit of a horrible time with my very first pregnancy.

This pic wasn't from my first pregnancy...but who is it?

It's this gorgeous big little guy. :)

Yeah in all fairness, at only 2 hours old, it's not an easy one...

Still not sure?


It's Mr Noah. ;o)

And now I have to tag five more!! So I choose the following:

Bumbling Along - cos she's lovely
Clinically Fed Up - cos her pics blow me away
Muddy No Sugar - cos she's awesome
3 Bedroom Bungalow - cos I wanna see more pics
Single Mummy - cos she's damn good at memes
Was struggling for something to post today (actually that's cock; I have TONS to post but I swear I would bore seven shades of shit out of you all. That, plus I'm going to exhaust myself with this blogging every day thing. Damn you April YOR) and then remembered - Ah yes!! Tara Cain's Gallery!! So this week it's JOY.

And you know what? I just need no explanations for this one. There's joy inside AND outside the picture(s) this week.

Please to enjoy.

Lately there have been a number of things, that not only do I fail to understand, as a parent, I can't even begin to attempt to comprehend.

They are thus.

Why is it that, when I change EITHER of the boy's nappies and it stinks to high heaven, I ALWAYS involuntarily take a deep breath in?

How can they gladly put away anything that is put in front of them at nursery, but when you do the EXACT SAME FOOD at, they look at you like you've lost your marbles and demand something else?

Why do they always want the food I'm eating, and then when I serve EXACTLY THE SAME FOOD on their plate, they STILL go for my food?

Who took it upon themselves to create babies toys that make more noise known to any human on planet Earth? And continue to make noise when they're switched off and buried in the bottom of the toy box?

Why do they want a DVD on, which they've seen nineteen seven hundred frillionty times, and then when you put it on, they promptly jump up and stop watching?

Why do they want to see a DVD nineteen seven hundred frillionty times?

Why is that your children choose to adore the most obnoxious, annoying, disturbing kids shows on tv, and not only adore them, but excel in things they do, because of watching those damn shows?

These are ones which I've only tried to deal with today. If I try to go through the last few days, my brain will explode from lack of comprehension. Feel free to add your own though, maybe someone can shed light on these conundrums?

(Even as I've typed this, Noah just came over and licked my cheese on toast. Which he never eats. Of course he then put it back on my plate. Oh yum.)
In the last hour or so, something happened on twitter which to be honest, I don't really understand. Because I'm a bit too blown away by it.

First of all, I discovered that I'd made it onto the Tots 100 Index, which blew me away in itself because, hello? I blog about crap. There are so many more awesome parent blogs out there, which don't fob you off with stupid pointless posts and actually write about how awesome their Kidlets are, and how parenting is fab, and how they go off and do all sorts of wonderful things...

I'm flattered. So immensely flattered. I don't even know what to say. I submitted way back, not expecting to make it on, at all. I confess I submitted, and actually said something like "Hah! If I make it on there I'll fall over backwards and sideways simultaneously." (Or words to that effect).

And then suddenly, there I am, at number 79. Not even two million and eight, or even 101, but position 79. And 79 is such a magic number too, particularly on this month's index, as it means I won the draw for a ticket, and I'm now able to go to Cybermummy, which is like a UK version of Blogher. Which comes just as D and I had pretty much given up hope on me being able to go.


All of the above is thanks to a number of people, and they are (in no particular order):

Cybermummy, funnily enough, over at Cybermummy
And of course, most of all, Sally's daughter the flippin' lovely Flea, who helped me get to Cybermummy.

I even get to (eventually) add some shiny new badges to my blog!!



Isaac was pretty pleased for me too. :)

I'm doing so well!! I'm posting every day!!!


Oh. No I'm fucking not.

Epic fail.

(and I do it so well. Heh.

Kissies!!! xxx

PS I may be a teeny bit drunk. I blame others. xx
Today has been awesome.

Today has been fucking marvellous.

Today, Noah and I cooked carrot cake, thanks to a kiddies cook book from Cassie

Today I secured some more photo session bookings.

Today I did my first order of photos from my website, to check print quality, ready for first real orders.

Today I spent some awesome uninterrupted quality time with Isaac.

Today an owner of a house we viewed (and fell in love with) last week phoned to tell us she's coming off the market for a year and to get back in touch with her next year so she can sell to us.

Today I was reminded of who my friends are and how awesome they are.

Today I spent 2 hours on the phone to someone I'm going to meet for the first time on Sunday.

Today, I felt alive. It was pretty fucking good.
I don't even remember how it happened. Making awesome connections with new people. Maybe it started with the blogging? Like, way back in the early days, when I started this on my own, just documenting my pregnancy with Noah. Maybe it was twitter? Where I suddenly made even more new friends?

Everything took a fantastically awesome turn this week. In fact, things have been turning for a while, what with meeting up with porridgebrain and BumblingTweets in the last two weeks...that was pretty awesome and very much blew me away. Why have I not met these lovely people before? Where have they been all this time?

I was trundling along, thinking this was all very lovely, and how nice it was that I'd met a couple of lovely people. And then this week, something happened that I never, ever thought would happen.

I met up with a group of other ladies and their kiddos, whom I had never seen before in my life, took Isaac with me, and had a bloody fantastic time. To the point where I got home, and have been in a weird kind of happy trance ever since.

As per my previous post, I was right in that I was stupidly nervous. I'd picked up porridgebrain from the station, and was eternally glad to have her with me meeting everyone else for the first time, but still, I was pretty much crapping it.

They're all so...so...confident? Amazing? Popular? They seem so organized, on the ball, grown-up. Their kids are gorgeous, incredibly well behaved and they all bonded with each other pretty much immediately. I realised when I got home, they are ALL like the sort of girls you want to join up with in high school; you know, that group of girls that are somehow amazingly popular and have all the cool stuff and are really nice without even trying. And you kind of feel like the one who is a fool every time you open your mouth. Or look up. Or, uh, breathe.

I was gutted I wasn't able to get any photos; I had Isaac in the Baby Bjorn and he was getting quite irate (starving, it seemed, and I suspect those bastard teeth are driving him nuts), as per usual I'd opted to carry a pointless mountain of stuff and I'd forgotten to bring the small camera bag. *sigh* There are some great pics on their sites though!! (Omg, intimidated by their photography skills much?!?!?)

I won't go on about it all, but I'll say that I had a fucking awesome time with cake, bacon, corned beef sandwiches and damn cool little people.

Oh, and of course, Bumbling Tweets, Jo Beaufoix, Muddy No Sugar, porridgebrain, Rosie Scribble, and of course Tara Cain. Who IS gorgeous and amazing. They ALL are!

Hope we do it again soon...
I nearly gave up. Tara Cain was all "you're amazing! You're inspiring! Now I'm going to watch your brain cells leak slowly out of your ears while you all walk around clueless, saying WTF! WTF! Mwah hah hah."

I mean, I love her and all, I met her and some very lovely others for the first time today, but I very nearly considered myself supremely butt-fucked by this week's Gallery theme.


Sooooo...I decided on this.

No no, I'm not suggesting me (though some days I seriously would), but look closer. At my neck.

I have a scar on my neck, which has been there since I was almost a year old. I got it because whilst a childminder was looking after me, she left a tea pot of boiling hot water on a coffee table. I walked over to the table and decided to investigate. The rest is history. I have the scars all around my neck, behind my right ear and down my right arm. They will be there, I suspect, forever.

Most scars I can deal with. My legs are badly scarred from eczema. My bum and thighs are riddled with teenage stretch marks. It's not great, but I find ways to deal with it.

But I know for a fact there are no photos of me as a baby around the age of 1, because my face was so badly scarred for a short while I was unrecognisable. I was a very ugly baby. My poor mum couldn't bare to have the reminder of what I looked like, and even though I never saw it, I don't blame her.

So I consider this scar, of all my battle wounds, to be pretty ugly. I hate it, and even though most people don't notice it, I will be eternally aware of it. It's pretty ugly to me.
Today, our entire house sale fell through. Everything. All of it. There is no way we can move, for at least a year. There is shit all we can do, apart from to just wait it out.


And I've spent the last 11 hours dealing with it, and getting over it. So, whatever.

The good news is...uh...

I'm meeting a load of new folks and their kiddos tomorrow! Very excited to see:

Tara Cain - responsible for "The Gallery" (this week is "Ugly". I might post my legs.)
Rosie Scribble - Seems super lovely. She may wonder what planet I'm from.
Jo Beaufoix - Sassy and bloody pretty. I may wear a large hoody and baggy jeans.
Muddy no Sugar - great photographer. So I'll take my camera, and never get it out.

And then I'll seeing for the second time:

Bumbling Tweets - she's SOO lovely, down to Earth. The exact opposite of me.
porridgebrain - one of the best people I have ever met. Annoyingly amazing. Dammit.

So of course, I'll spend the whole time feeling IMMENSELY intimidated, while they all talk about amazing things, and people they know, and how awesome their kiddos are, and I'll do everything I can to pimp Isaac and his fucking adorableness, not mention Occasional-Spawn-Of-Satan-Child Noah (Not in a bad way of course, you know he's obviously still cute, but as he'll be at nursery {OMFG THE CHILD IS AT NURSERY} I can just pretend I have one adorable child who doesn't pound the shit out of his older brother).

(Lately Isaac totally pounds the shit out of his older brother. But it's ok, because Noah gives as good as he gets. So all is good.)

So yeah! Really looking forward to it! I'll distract everyone from me and they'll be all "Ohhhhh do you remember that gorgeous baby boy Isaac? Ohhh he was ADORABLE!! That's right, he was there without his mum wasn't he? Ahw bless him. Hmm...who was that random dark shadow in the corner?"


It'll be a great day, I'm pretty sure.

Because Noah does his first "real" half day at nursery and Isaac is 1 year old in less than a month.

Oh bollocks. I totally forgot to keep thinking about something for April YOR, and so consequently I'm now 5 days late, and about to make something up on the spur of the moment.



*still thinking*

Ok. I have it. If I manage this one, I swear to God I will fall over my own pants. But here it is.

April YOR is...

To blog post every day for the remainder of April.

Sweet Jesus just saying it fills me with dread. I mean let's face it. We all know I pretty much talk an amazing amount of shit, the majority of it very uninteresting, or pointless, or depressing...

But on reflection, that's pretty much me in a blogshell, so let's do it.

I've already blogged 2nd and 4th of April, so to compromise, I'll do two posts on two days to make up for 1st and 3rd of April.

I hope you're all prepared for a month of some really weird and wonderful (or not) stuff.


PS If you want to throw in some ideas for future YOR, I am SO open to suggestions!!! Do your worst. Or um, best, please...kthxbai.

There's quite a few of you out there who like me, which I find IMMENSELY flattering! Don't worry, I'm not about to go out and start bopping about how frigging awesome I am, mainly because I know you all know that already.


But in this post I shall go over the latest awards I have received. Because apparently, I'm pretty cool.

(do you have any idea how odd it is to just SAY that? Not even out loud, but here in this blog??)

First up, is another Sunshine Award! This one comes from Sam over at Keep Calm & Eat Cake (one of the many awesome blog titles I've seen over the years). I'm not sure if my Ode to Bacon had anything to do with it, but she presents me with the Sunshine Award, as seen here:

This is the third time I've had this award, and in all seriousness I really am thrilled to bits to receive it, especially as I've been a bit of a miserable bugger lately...

So thank you VERY MUCH Sam, I really appreciate it!!

All pretty awesome blogs.

Next award lately comes from the ever entertaining Rosie Scribble. She's very lovely, and hopefully I should be meeting her pretty soon (squeeee!) all being well. The fab award this time is the Kreativ Blogger award, which is pretty frigging cool, but also requires me to disclose 7 things you did not know about me.

Well here is said fab award:

(which is pretty freakin' cool)

Well since I already pretty much put myself out there, I'm going to have to apologise in advance if I repeat myself, but here goes:

1. Because my pelvis is so much better, I often attempt to Riverdance through the kitchen, rather than just walk. But only in the kitchen.

2. I was on Blue Peter and have a Blue Peter badge.

3. I'm crapping myself every time I give out a business card, yet thrilled to bits every time someone accepts one.

4. I have episodes of the Powerpuff Girls on my PC upstairs. And maybe Powerpuff Girls The Movie on DVD.

5. I asked Lynda Bellingham for her autograph whilst I was on tour in Canada.

6. I played cello professionally for 24 years, and have performed in may parts of the world.

7. I survived hurricane Gilbert in Jamaica in 1988; my parents and siblings were at home in the UK and I had travelled out alone to see my grandfather. I was 9 years old.

I now have to nominate people for the awards; 5 for Sunshine, 7 for Kreativ. So I'm obviously going to be a lazy bugger and just nominate 7 for both awards, right?

Well actually, I has a nominayshun, but that wouldn't have made much sense.

It turns out someone out there likes my blog, and has nominated me for The MADS 2010 Blog Award!

To say I'm chuffed to bits is an understatement. I'm like, over the fucking moon! Bewildered, also, but THRILLED.

In fact, when I was told about it, it took me some time to believe whether it was true, and was convinced someone was yanking my chain. But no! Seriously! You guys, um, actually like me and stuff!!!

I appreciate there are some of you reading this and wondering what the fuck I'm talking about, and if that's the case then you should head on over to Who's The Mummy blog and go look at all the awesome blogs over there that have been nominated. There are plenty I read, some of them in my blog roll, and they're all worth a look in. Then when you find one/some you like, GO VOTE for them!

Then they can win pretty prizes and stuff.

The only thing I'll say is, just be wary of who you nominate and what category you're throwing them into. You can't nominate someone for a category they don't really belong to. For example, if there was Most Intelligent MAD Blog, it would be a little silly to nominate me for that because let's face it, I'm pretty much Queen of Sheer Stupidty.

However, I've been nominated for Best Looking Mad Blog. Why thank you!! I am pretty good looking. I'm thinking about plastering my face over my blog some more, to generate more interest. Or perhaps another pic of my arse, or maybe my boobs? I think that would spruce it up nicely.

Wait...of course that doesn't really reflect how good my blog looks, but it's all content, right?

So thank you! In all fairness, I had uhm'd and ah'd for AGES about this particular design and I'm still unsure but it's nice to think someone else likes it. So I certainly appreciate that nomination.

I've also been nominated for Best Mad Baby Blogger.

Now there's something you need to understand here. The two fucking gorgeous babies you see on this site? They're not really mine. I stole them. From a supermodel. She makes gorgeous babies, and I have these two on loan as and when I need them. Their real names are Jedward and Peter Andre III. They attend Cambridge University in their spare time. One of them shaves cats for a living.

But nonetheless I thank you for the nomination, because I'm obviously doing a good job at pretending to raise them as my own.

I'm immensely thrilled to bits to have been nominated for Best MAD Blog Photography, especially as when more often than not, I haven't a fucking clue what I'm doing with a camera. I pick it up, twiddle some knobs, press some buttons and the screen on the back changes and looks vaguely like what's in front of me. Then I open up this thing called "Photoshop" and edit the bejesus out of them to make them look vaguely presentable, then I decide they still look shit so I pimp them round the interwebs a bit, and eventually when they return to me, they look pretty good.

But I totally take all the credit, you know, because they're on my blog. So obviously, that's um, all cool. Awesome. And actually came as a fab compliment to me after finally getting my photog website live, even after an very large and annoying hiccup with my gallery (but that's another story).

So thank you so VERY much for nominating me! The MADS is a wicked idea; great way for people to show off their stuff, awesome way to find brilliant new blogs in categories that would appeal to you. They've clearly worked their arses off to get it going, and just by nominating shows appreciation for what they've achieved so far.

Of course, you should now go and tell all your friends to go nominate some blogs too; there's shit loads to choose from and seriously, they're bloody amazing. Click the pretty MADS button on the right hand side to go to the website, or click on of the billions of links I've sprinkled around this blog. You're welcome to get your friends to nominate me too, or you could take them to McDonalds and teach them about dipping fries into banana milkshake.

Do not knock it til you've tried it. Seriously.