@cosmicgirlie
Due Date: 04/21/2009
Week: 41+2 days
Month: 10
Trimester: 3
Fetus Age: 39 weeks
Time to Go: I don't like that question anymore.
Size: Yeah.
Time til potential induction: Tomorrow.

May I mention a few things? (well I'm gonna anyway)

My Baby Widget (bottom left column): Did anyone see where the little floating baby thing went from inside the widget? Is someone trying to tell me something? If you took the lil baby, can you please return it? Otherwise I have no excuse for this colossal belly.

Inductions: I have had a LOT of feedback (and I mean A LOT) about inductions. And it's interesting to hear your stories of how they went. Now it's important that you understand my point of view. I have nothing against them. Women need them all the time. I know that. I Understand that. Totally. I honestly do.

What's also important is that not everyone's story is the same. I do not judge anyone for having an induction; Christ no. I have my reasons for my decisions in terms of an induction. And they seem to revolve around being told "Labour! Dangerous! GAH!" and then in the same breath, "Labour! You need it! GAH!"

I need my body to BE READY to potentially deliver a large baby with the additional complications. It was ready with Noah. Which is why that birth went so well. I am fully aware that Noah's birth could have gone so much worse. But my body (and mind) was ready for anything. Including taking on the world, cos I'd like to try being a superhero like that, but anyway I digress.

I DO NOT feel as ready for this birth, and that's just ONE reason why I'm against induction right now. I know my body. I understand it. More than anyone else could, because it's mine. And right now, I have very little faith in a LOT of things, which makes me feel not ready. Hell, as of this minute, I have no idea how I feel about potentially being induced tomorrow.

In the same breath, I would also like to THANK YOU for your support, it really means a lot. I know so many of you out there DO in fact give a shit, and I seriously, seriously appreciate it. I love you all. Apart from when you poke fun and then I just salute you the finger from behind my mac.

Texts/messages: Again, I know you all care. I appreciate that. But it's hard to deal with when in one day, the texts go into DOUBLE FIGURES asking if I've had the baby yet. Please PLEASE remember that of all of us, I'm quite possibly THE MOST frustrated and anxious of us all, and it's made harder to remain chilled out when I'm constantly addressing the fact that NO I HAVE NOT HAD THE BABY YET I WILL NOT FORGET TO TELL YOU IT'S GOING TO BE PRETTY DAMN HARD TO MISS REMEMBER HOW YOU FELT WHEN PEOPLE HARASSED YOU ALL THE TIME AND OMFG AARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH.

So, um, yes, again I appreciate it, but please assume that I will update the the very second I have a contraction worth mentioning or I stand up and think I've spectacularly pissed myself when in fact my waters have gone or They finally get their wicked way with my Mary Jane and induce me. I won't forget you all, I promise.

(In fact, if you check my blog from when I went into labour with Noah, you'll see that you lovely people were in fact second to be updated, the first being D because you know, I felt that he was a little bit more important.) 

(And Kelly I wouldn't expect anything less from you, lady.)

Tomorrow is yet another stressful Friday, where I wonder if I'll be coming home or not after the appointment. I have no idea what's going to happen, though I'm anticipating being home sometime next Tuesday.

Now, if someone (A3?) could return my 2nd bag of Skittles, I would appreciate it because I can't find them, chocolate choux buns and eclairs are getting dull and might have to start kicking some ass soon.
@cosmicgirlie
Due Date: 04/21/2009
Week: 40+6 days
Month: 10
Trimester: 3
Fetus Age: 39 weeks
Time to Go: I refuse to answer.
Size: of what? Me? The adult I'm growing?
Time til potential induction: 4 days *cringe*

And I don't mean the baby.

People. There is NO NEWS YET.

FYI, remembering how much I was driven batshit last time, I can no longer be arsed to respond to the texts that read anything along the lines of the following:

Is there any new yet?

Have you had the baby yet?

Is anything happening yet?

Have you given birth yet?

In fact, I suspect anything with the word "yet" in it, may just leave me cursing words that even hardened criminals have never heard of. PLEASE. I will LET YOU KNOW if there's ANY. NEWS. AT. ALL.

Oh, and as an aside, it really sucks to receive texts that start along the lines of "Hi! I'm just out with {insert your friends names here} having lots of drinks and we're all speculating over your situation!! Quite funny really!!! HA HA HAAAAA!!!!!11!!1!!!!"

However, I am compensating by eating everything and anything that comes my way. I consumed half a pineapple and a chocolate choux bun yesterday. After I DIDN'T finish my tea. Then I ate some more chocolate. AFTER I got into bed.

Today I've had scrambled egg and beans. Followed by an ice lolly. And I'll probably have ANOTHER ice lolly. Followed by even more crap.

Because I can be excused for looking large. You? Can't.
@cosmicgirlie
Due Date: 04/21/2009
Week: 40+4 days
Month: 10 (That's some funny shit right there)
Trimester: 3 (or maybe 4, I need to check this...)
Fetus Age: 39 weeks
Time to Go: About 3 years ago
Size: The coffee table
Time til potential induction: 6 days

Ultimatum of the day.

Consultant Mr U: We're obviously very concerned about this polyhydramnios. We would normally induce early on.

Me: But wouldn't that cause more problems?

Mr U: Well quite frankly we can keep an eye on things that way. But you don't want any intervention, is that right?

Me: Well yes...

Mr U: That I can understand. I know you're not happy about things.

Me: Yeah, intervention just freaks me out.

Mr U: Ok well that's fine. The plan is this - you can either have an internal now to see what's happening or you can stay in hospital until you go in to labour.

Me: ...uh...I'll just get undressed now...

And to add insult to injury? There's absolutely NO action AT. ALL. Zip, zilch, nada. Everything closed up and no sign of imminent arrival.*

Thrilled.

*I hasten to add, I've been on the raspberry leaf tea for some time, I'm eating pineapples til my mouth disintegrates, I've eaten more than enough spicy food, my crotch hurts for bouncing on the ball and my feet are like boats from walking around so much. And if anyone suggests sex, well, the only sex I'll be having is with a turkey baster, thanks.
@cosmicgirlie
Due Date: 04/21/2009
Week: 40+2 days
Month: 10
Trimester: 3
Fetus Age: 38 weeks
Time to Go: And already that's not even funny any more.
Size: Roughly the size of the bull in the field opposite my house
Time til potential induction: 1 day. Hm.

And still going strong. Though I did have a Super-Poop yesterday, followed by contractions that were definitely worth writing home about. I would have been more excited though, had they been getting closer together rather than the sporadic random timing with which they presented themselves. Love to keep me guessing eh?? Thanks!

And of course, visit from AMW yesterday, who looked at me a little disbelievingly at the fact that I HADN'T GIVEN BIRTH YET. Yes lady, I'm still preggo, come join the party! She did, however, announce that the head is now 1/5 engaged (which basically means that it's almost rammed into my crotch and ready to go). As a subsequent pregnancy, this can only be good news given that I'm told on a DAILY basis that subsequent babies don't engage until the last minute.

Of course, one may need to define the meaning of "minute" to an unborn, cos clearly, some just don't get it.

I obviously tried not to get excited last night, and found that it was actually quite easy to not get excited to be honest. I'm quite cynical at the moment about it all, and half expect to go into labour AFTER tomorrows meeting with the consultant. Which is fine; I know I went 3 days over with Noah, and according to the due dates at the hospital I am currently 40+1. Which is fine. If we were to go RIGHT back and go by "real" dates, I don't think I'd actually be due until next Wednesday (which is even funnier and something not worth thinking about right now).

I guess it's time to start walking. Cos you know, SPD + walking = AWESOME.

Incidentally, people, I WILL update when I know I'm on labour I can assure you. You're welcome to follow my updates on twitter which will probably give the most up-to-date commentary I can do, or check my facebook page if you're there and I'll try to do the same there. Trust me, I don't think I'm going to suddenly forget to announce I'm in labour and/or delivered a 27lb infant. Unless I'm truly drugged up of course.
@cosmicgirlie
Due Date: 04/21/2009
Week: 40+1 day
Month: 10
Trimester: 3
Fetus Age: 38 weeks
Time to Go: TODAY. Not tomorrow, TODAY.
Size: Bigger than me. Figure that out.
Time til potential induction: 2 days. Meh.

Sooooo....it turns out you REALLY can't predict these things, huh?

Yes here I am, at 40 weeks and still pregnant. I'm now on my 2nd due date (the one that THEY use, even though they're only a day apart). As far as I know, there is NO sign of this one coming any time soon. Sure, I've had ridiculous amounts of BH, I'm all pooped out I think for the first time (in a long time) I can say I'm all empty, I'm restless as hell and pretty much no longer have an appetite.

Most days are spent pacing up and down like some crazy restless woman, trying really hard not to feel sick all the time. I often feel like I'm about to lose my marbles and I've ONLY JUST hit due dates. SHEEESH.

So what happens now? Well AMW is coming this afternoon, where she might actually ask me why I haven't had the baby yet (albeit jokingly...I hope...) and then ask how I feel about Friday's induction.

How do I feel about Friday's induction?

I danno. I don't want an induction and will probably decline. They'll probably want to do a sweep *shudder* because I know they're shitting themselves even more than me about the size of this baby. But my reason for declining is logical from my point of view; if my body isn't yet ready to push out a colossal baby and they started it anyway, would that not lead to more trouble? Do we not see a C-Section on the horizon?

Sure I'm uncomfortable, and appear to have developed Pregnancy Tourettes (randomly screaming "GET OUT" and "NOW, BITCH", accompanied by the odd "DAMN YOU, CROTCH"), and SPD has reached hilarious new heights (current record - 15 minutes to maneuver myself out of bed), and, you know, I have no sanity left, but I have to remember to be very realistic about what my body is about to go through.

Even at this stage I see no point in downing pineapples/curries or even pineapple curries (lmao people, ya'll funny), or indulging in some seriously uncomfortable sex (er yes hi, have you people SEEN me?), and even bouncing on the ball doesn't seem to do much. T.O.O. is (apparently) 2/5 engaged and very rarely lies on my left (like it's supposed to).

Ahw crap, and I thought Noah was defiant, this one is going to be a right little shit, for sure.

Sadly though, I'm prepared for the worst. I'm expecting to go into labour sometime next week, and end up having a section. Just cos, you know, The Law of Sod. which is a real shame. But we'll see.
@cosmicgirlie
Due Date: 04/21/2009
Week: 39+4 days
Month: 10
Trimester: 3
Fetus Age: 38 weeks
Time to Go: 4 Days (We'll see. Heh.)
Size: Too big to sneeze out
Time til potential induction: 6 days (yep, you read right)

It's been a bit of a turmoil these last few weeks. I reached breaking point, as most of you clearly saw (for which I would apologise, but I'm not going to be apologetic for being honest.), and there are so only so many different stories you can take from your "Medical Caregivers" (that title always makes me snort).

Thursday's scan showed the fluid had increased. Again. Up from 9.4 to just below 11cm. Heyyyy ain't that just great? Yeaaahh.... What REALLY made me laugh was when we came out of the room, Mme Sonographer asked us to hang around for a few minutes, but didn't say why. Turns out she had to go find a consultant to see if we needed to stay in Labour & Delivery for whatever reason. It's probably just as well she didn't say why before she went; she'd have found me running (walking fast/hobbling/waddling) out to the car park as fast as possible.

Friday's consultant appointment had me on edge. D and I packed the bags in the car, pretty much expecting to not be allowed home for monitoring/internals/inductions/big gaping baby heads emerging everywhere...

Ok maybe not that much, but certainly to be kept in for monitoring. We saw the Consultant who claimed actually I don't have Polyhydramnios but wanted to keep an eye but everything's ok but we should be concerned - Dude! Dude. Like, wtf? Is there any chance the medical profession could agree on something and stop playing mind-fuck games with me?

So his decision was to let me go home (HOORAY!!), confirm that no, I'm no longer vying for a home birth and that there was also no need for an internal or intervention at this stage.

HOWEVER. Of course they're all still bricking themselves about the size of the baby, and so I'm booked in for ANOTHER appointment with them next Friday for an internal and a sweep.

Yummmm!!! YUMMY!!! Doesn't that sound soooo pleasant.

Actually, the very thought makes me feel like I could up-chuck the numerous chocolate bars I just ate (for breakfast. Go ahead, judge. Do I give a gnats ass?)

That's ok, I'm convinced I'll go before then. And you know why?

Because I've POOPED THREE TIMES in the last TWELVE HOURS. No extra Fibresure. No extra fruit. No extra fluids. SHAMONE!! Although, it's now getting to the point where I visit the bathroom and wonder how much time I'll be spending in there. I must get some more reading material. Of course the Poopgate saga continues, and it's not all happy smiles when I emerge from the bathroom. That's ok, I know I can't ask too much.

The other thing that makes me think I won't make it to next Friday is that Mr Consultant says T.O.O. is currently 2/5 engaged. Which means the head has started to make it's way south. Which means that it's very unlikely to turn Breech. Which means that it's FINALLY starting to realise that if it wants to be able to stretch it's legs out with being shouted at and shoved back into place, then there is only one exit to Freedom. Freedom!!! And that is South, baybeeee.

Bring on the pineapples (and the Trumpets!!!)


@cosmicgirlie
In memory of Maddie Spohr, my blog will be purple this week. It's a very tragic story. Maybe it's because I'm a mother now I feel more compelled to do something. I want to try to understand. And yet I feel there is nothing I can do for them.

This is my way of saying, "I'm thinking of you".
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@cosmicgirlie
Due Date: 04/21/2009
Week: 38+4 days
Month: 10 (that ALWAYS cracks me up)
Trimester: 3
Fetus Age: 37 weeks
Time to Go: 10 days
Size: Bigger than the cat
Time til YET another liqor scan: 5 days

It has started to occur to me that yes, I AM EXCITED ABOUT THE BIRTH NOW. I put that in caps in case you thought you may have misread it, or perhaps, uh, wondered if someone else was actually typing this post instead of me.

But yes, I am now really looking forward to meeting T.O.O. I suppose I should be careful how I phrase, because I don't think it's the actual birth that I'm looking forward to. My mind continually replays every worst case scenario (usually involving a thousand monitors, wires, machines and of course, a C-Section) but I know there's not a fat lot I can do at the moment. D keeps telling me we still have a certain amount of control over how things could go, and I agree. But I also see them throwing yet more excuses as to why I should perhaps remain strapped to a bed, labouring on my back in excruciating agony.

It's strange; I don't think I'm scared of what's going to happen; at the end of the day, the baby will be born and everyone will be happy yaddah yaddah. What bothers me is the feeling that my life and that of the baby will be taken out of my own hands and put in someone else's. Sure I'm some kind of control freak. I'll admit to that. But I don't want to have someone else call all the shots without hearing why I think their decisions suck dog eggs.

We have yet another scan this week, and to be quite honest, unless the numbers have soared dramatically (and I'm talking WAY into the upper teens), I don't think I care what they're going to say. I've heard so many different things these last two months, I'd be very unsurprised as to what else they could throw at me. I know the consultant wants to do an internal potentially at the Friday appointment, which, I think I'm going to decline. At the end of the day, I'm pretty sure my body knows what it's doing. And I'm not about to let people prod and poke me just to satisfy their own curiosity.

At this stage with Noah, I was spotting, feeling, sick, having mad contractions etc etc; things feel much quieter this time round, but that's not to say I'm very worried. I know last time I was totally obsessed with every little twinge. That's ok. But I also know that it won't necessarily be the same thing this time round. Hell I know I might not even realise I'm in active labour until it's time to push this baby/adolescent/juggernaught out. That's ok though. I'm confident I'll know enough at the right time. I'll be amazed if I make it to 40 weeks without significant action. And if I go over 40, well, I can deal with that when the time comes. I don't have any choice really.

Unless I'm DESPERATELY desperate, I won't be induced before time. It'll be SPD or other extreme discomfort that pushes me to induction. And I'm already there to be honest, and though I complain, I'm still dealing with it.

Things could be a whole lot worse. So I'm taking what little strength I have right now, and using it to remind myself that actually, things are kinda ok.
@cosmicgirlie
Due Date: 04/21/2009
Week: 38+2 days
Month: 9
Trimester: 3
Fetus Age: 36 weeks
Time to Go: 13 days
Size: Larger than your car
Time til YET another scan: 6 days

A few things happened recently that got me thinking. Yes I'm still stressed out IMMENSELY with my own issues...but a few things helped me put them into perspective, or give me guidance on how to deal with them.

The first thing, which is so, SO sad, was the tragic story of Madeline Alice Spohr. I won't explain the story here, you can read about it for yourself.

Another thing that got me thinking, was someone else's family. Again, you can catch up on the whole story for yourself.

I've been to a doctor who does acupressure and acupuncture, and uses both of these to deal with PND all the time. She also did moxibustion with me to help make sure T.O.O. stays cephalic, which it is right now. I'm also using acupressure to help it engage.

I thank absolutely everyone who has sent me messages of support, well wishes, and just letting me know you're out there. This is hard for me, and you'll never know how much I appreciate the support. So thank you...again.

We have yet another liquor scan on Thursday; what difference this will make to anything, I do not know. Last week it was down to 9.4cm, within range. Consultant says it's still too high (10 is the limit - I feel like they're making it up as they go along). We see consultant again on Friday, when he wants to do an internal to see what's happening. Yeah mate, you're going to have to catch me first.

I'm exhausted (SPD officially no longer lets me get good sleep) and every day I'm hoping and praying I can be a normal mom. I'm excited. I think.
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@cosmicgirlie
I'm struggling. I'm struggling with everything. I'm terrified of everything too. And I have no idea how I'm going to cope. If these hormones don't leave me the fuck alone soon, I'm scared I'm going to die. I know that sounds SOOOO dramatic, but I actually mean it.

I have a confession. And it's a big confession, one that I haven't voiced seriously for a while but it's worrying me so much.

Lately I've thought about harming myself again. Like I did when I was 19 - 22, and going through the worst 3 years ever endured. They were so bad, and I spent so much of it in a drugged up, antidepressant trance, I don't actually remember that much of it. But I do remember how I felt.

Lately I think about waiting until the baby is born, then taking a large dose of sleeping tablets, just like I used to, and then I'd never have to wake up to this hideous recurring nightmare of fear, paranoia, anger and frustration. Sometimes I think maybe I won't wait til it's born, but find some way to induce myself. or even more hilarious, take myself to hospital and beg for an induction, and then just get it over with. There're plenty of people who would look after Noah and T.O.O. and help out D.

You know what? I remember listening to conversations about people who would harm themselves, and the general outcome was that it was always selfish or a way of seeking attention. How about this for reverse psychology - having heard that makes me want to do it even more. I feel like as long as I'm around being this miserable and not being strong enough to find someway to cope actually makes me selfish, and that I'd be doing the world a favour. As for seeking attention? No I don't want any attention I think. I just want escape from what feels like a horrible, vile, living nightmare.

Someone recently (albeit in jest) said "get a grip". I appreciate that it was in jest, but a part of me wonders if indeed that's what I should be doing, and if so, how the hell am I supposed to do it. I can not face going back on meds. They were actually soul destroying. They made me feel like I was on a different planet and I couldn't cope with that on top of everything else right now. I've tried counseling, and it was a complete and utter waste of time. I don't think I'd ever felt so patronised, ever. Waste. Of. Time.

Which seems to me to leave the options of "get a grip", or...what. I don't know.

There are too many things going on at the mo. I feel full of hate for so many things, and I hate to think what that might be doing to the baby. Hey, look, more guilt! I've been thinking about my "career" as a musician, and have come to the conclusion that I'm done. I don't want to play cello any more. I've played for 24 years, and have gotten to the point where quite frankly, I'm really, REALLY tired of people shitting on me, when I'm really not so sure that I deserved it.

Christ I'm even doubting myself and questioning my own actions even though I did nothing wrong...

Over the last, maybe, 5 years, more and more people seem to be getting a real kick out of making me feel incredibly shit where music is concerned. I hate playing now. And I get the feeling that my lack of participation in various orchestras is making a lot of people a whole lot happier. The same can be said for having worked for DPA. I don't know if I'm harbouring some major paranoia (probably yes), but i wonder if I should ever even have applied for that job in the first place. I sometimes feel like I worked my absolute ass off for people. And yet, I still got shat on.

So right now I hate my cello. I don't miss playing it at all. In fact to be quite honest, people have had so little faith in me, I'm not even sure I can still play it, or why I bothered to carry on for as long as I did.

I have other ideas on my possible change in career, but with these kinds of doubts going on, I don't even feel like I could voice them without being ridiculed. So I'm going to hang on to those thoughts for now and see what happens when T.O.O. is born.

Who knows. Maybe I should just "get over it". I remember someone else saying that to me, many years ago. "Why can't you just cheer up?" they said. "Why can't you just get over it and be happy for once?" Sadly, that person has since suffered depression. I think I may have helped them through their depression a bit. I know I certainly tried to help them, offering advice when they asked for it, being as supportive as I possibly could, whilst dealing with my own colossal amount of crap. And I hope I helped, because I would never wish this on anybody. Shame now, that that person is one of the ones who decided to crap on me recently.

I'm bitter, I'm sad, upset, tired, frustrated, angry, confused and I don't know where the hell to go next from here. People keep turning to me like I'm supposed to have all the answers to fix this. To sort Noah out. To make sure the birth goes ok. To make sure my relationship with D is ok. I have no more answers, I have no more strength, and I feel like I have reached the end. Which makes me feel like a failure.

It's a sad state of affairs when I wonder about my future, and whether I have one, once this baby is born. I only hope to god that whatever happens, no one will suffer as a result of my actions. Because it's bad enough hurting myself, let alone hurting anyone else.
@cosmicgirlie
Due Date: 04/21/2009
Week: 37+3 days
Month: 9
Trimester: 3
Fetus Age: 36 weeks
Time to Go: 19 days
Size: Smaller than your mother.


You all knew it was coming. You all said "at the end of the day, blah blah blah, healthy mom healthy baby, yaddah yaddah". You all sat there thinking how nuts I must be trying to deliver another big baby at home. I'll even bet some of you wondered what point I was trying to make, or what was I trying to prove.

Maybe I'm just very paranoid (which is very true).

But as of today, I have given up. Scan yesterday, showed baby measuring about 9lbs in weight, with potential to gain a pound a week, but could go 20% either way. Fluid levels down from 11 point something to 9.4cm, so they're dropping and things starting to look good.

So whaddup?

They're all too scared. They actually threw a million scare stories at me during today's appointment. Mr Consultant actually said if I decided to stay at home, then he would pretty much not be involved in the delivery, and would not advocate me staying at home. Yes a MW would be in attendance if I called in, they would have to be, they have no choice (by law). But "if something were to go wrong, I would take full responsibility and no body else could be to blame".

"But of course, Mrs M, the decision at the end of the day is yours!"

I had no point to prove. I had no point to make. I just wanted to deliver my baby in an environment that I knew I would be happy in, that I would be comfortable with. Without fear of what would the medical profession would try to do if they got too close.

I am SO fully aware of all the dangers. I am also fully aware of the dangers that could happen with ANY. OTHER. BIRTH. He even said himself that shoulder dystocia can happen in a birth with a "normal" size baby. But once again, they're just pointing out as many of the factors as possible, including the fact that my fluid levels are still too high. So what would be REALLY great is if people can just be in agreement with what the hell is normal and what isn't. I can't cope being told one week that 11cm is acceptable and shouldn't be concerned until we got to 24cm. And then the following week, well actually 9.4cm is still too high, and even though the level has dropped, that's still not good enough.

So you know what? They win. This is a fight I can't keep up anymore. I'm frustrated, I'm tired. If I go into labour I'll go in to hospital. I don't want to, but after all they've freaked me out with, how the hell am I supposed to happily and comfortably give birth at home?? Christ, today when I went for my appointment, ALL the staff knew who I was and why I was there. Now I'm thinking that can't always be a good thing.

So I give up. I'm gutted. Actually, I'm more pissed off than I am upset. Pissed off because I didn't want it to be this way. I didn't want this birth to be so tainted. Maybe I should have just given up the fight earlier, but how can I do that when I'm told so many different things every time I walk in there?

They want to do another liqor scan at 39wks, do an internal and if nothing's happening, they want to induce. Pah. I think they may have to catch me first. I can only thank god that he refuses to do C/S, and has no intention of inducing unless absolutely necessary. I can't even begin to say how grateful I am for that. But that comes on the back of no home birth, and I can't even have a water birth in hospital because of the fluid crap thing. I'm starting to feel like everything is being taken away ("the decision is yours Mrs M...") and that quite simply, I'm just not going to enjoy this birth at all. I know I can't have everything. But even the few things I wanted have now gone.

I'm really fucked off. Like, they can't even give me straight answers, they can't prove anything, they don't know anything for sure and they've made me feel like crap in the process.

So that's that. I pretty much hope I go into labour before 39 weeks because I cannot, just CAN NOT face induction. And yes I KNOW that people have been induced and it's gone great. Good for you. But that's not what I want. I also understand that babies need to cook for as long as necessary. I can assure you I know that too. Remember my own mother is a Midwife. So is D's mother. But understand that I do not want medical intervention.

I don't like the way this has turned out. But I know at this point now, there's not a fat lot I can do. That's fair enough. I understand I need to go in. I understand I pretty much have no choice. My hands feel like they've been tied somehow...but you know what? I'll deliver this baby, and I don't care what anyone says, it's going to have to take one SERIOUS frigging situation before they have to intervene. There will be no C/S. There will be no medical intervention.

Any intervention will be my own doing. And it'll probably be in the form of large quantities of pineapples and fair amount of power walking. Possibly with the odd curry thrown in. Now if you'll excuse me, these Braxton Hicks are driving me batshit and I have a Poopgate appointment with the bathroom.