Due Date: 04/21/2009
Week: 40+2 days
Month: 10
Trimester: 3
Fetus Age: 38 weeks
Time to Go: And already that's not even funny any more.
Size: Roughly the size of the bull in the field opposite my house
Time til potential induction: 1 day. Hm.

And still going strong. Though I did have a Super-Poop yesterday, followed by contractions that were definitely worth writing home about. I would have been more excited though, had they been getting closer together rather than the sporadic random timing with which they presented themselves. Love to keep me guessing eh?? Thanks!

And of course, visit from AMW yesterday, who looked at me a little disbelievingly at the fact that I HADN'T GIVEN BIRTH YET. Yes lady, I'm still preggo, come join the party! She did, however, announce that the head is now 1/5 engaged (which basically means that it's almost rammed into my crotch and ready to go). As a subsequent pregnancy, this can only be good news given that I'm told on a DAILY basis that subsequent babies don't engage until the last minute.

Of course, one may need to define the meaning of "minute" to an unborn, cos clearly, some just don't get it.

I obviously tried not to get excited last night, and found that it was actually quite easy to not get excited to be honest. I'm quite cynical at the moment about it all, and half expect to go into labour AFTER tomorrows meeting with the consultant. Which is fine; I know I went 3 days over with Noah, and according to the due dates at the hospital I am currently 40+1. Which is fine. If we were to go RIGHT back and go by "real" dates, I don't think I'd actually be due until next Wednesday (which is even funnier and something not worth thinking about right now).

I guess it's time to start walking. Cos you know, SPD + walking = AWESOME.

Incidentally, people, I WILL update when I know I'm on labour I can assure you. You're welcome to follow my updates on twitter which will probably give the most up-to-date commentary I can do, or check my facebook page if you're there and I'll try to do the same there. Trust me, I don't think I'm going to suddenly forget to announce I'm in labour and/or delivered a 27lb infant. Unless I'm truly drugged up of course.

Due Date: 04/21/2009
Week: 40+1 day
Month: 10
Trimester: 3
Fetus Age: 38 weeks
Time to Go: TODAY. Not tomorrow, TODAY.
Size: Bigger than me. Figure that out.
Time til potential induction: 2 days. Meh.

Sooooo....it turns out you REALLY can't predict these things, huh?

Yes here I am, at 40 weeks and still pregnant. I'm now on my 2nd due date (the one that THEY use, even though they're only a day apart). As far as I know, there is NO sign of this one coming any time soon. Sure, I've had ridiculous amounts of BH, I'm all pooped out I think for the first time (in a long time) I can say I'm all empty, I'm restless as hell and pretty much no longer have an appetite.

Most days are spent pacing up and down like some crazy restless woman, trying really hard not to feel sick all the time. I often feel like I'm about to lose my marbles and I've ONLY JUST hit due dates. SHEEESH.

So what happens now? Well AMW is coming this afternoon, where she might actually ask me why I haven't had the baby yet (albeit jokingly...I hope...) and then ask how I feel about Friday's induction.

How do I feel about Friday's induction?

I danno. I don't want an induction and will probably decline. They'll probably want to do a sweep *shudder* because I know they're shitting themselves even more than me about the size of this baby. But my reason for declining is logical from my point of view; if my body isn't yet ready to push out a colossal baby and they started it anyway, would that not lead to more trouble? Do we not see a C-Section on the horizon?

Sure I'm uncomfortable, and appear to have developed Pregnancy Tourettes (randomly screaming "GET OUT" and "NOW, BITCH", accompanied by the odd "DAMN YOU, CROTCH"), and SPD has reached hilarious new heights (current record - 15 minutes to maneuver myself out of bed), and, you know, I have no sanity left, but I have to remember to be very realistic about what my body is about to go through.

Even at this stage I see no point in downing pineapples/curries or even pineapple curries (lmao people, ya'll funny), or indulging in some seriously uncomfortable sex (er yes hi, have you people SEEN me?), and even bouncing on the ball doesn't seem to do much. T.O.O. is (apparently) 2/5 engaged and very rarely lies on my left (like it's supposed to).

Ahw crap, and I thought Noah was defiant, this one is going to be a right little shit, for sure.

Sadly though, I'm prepared for the worst. I'm expecting to go into labour sometime next week, and end up having a section. Just cos, you know, The Law of Sod. which is a real shame. But we'll see.

Due Date: 04/21/2009
Week: 39+4 days
Month: 10
Trimester: 3
Fetus Age: 38 weeks
Time to Go: 4 Days (We'll see. Heh.)
Size: Too big to sneeze out
Time til potential induction: 6 days (yep, you read right)

It's been a bit of a turmoil these last few weeks. I reached breaking point, as most of you clearly saw (for which I would apologise, but I'm not going to be apologetic for being honest.), and there are so only so many different stories you can take from your "Medical Caregivers" (that title always makes me snort).

Thursday's scan showed the fluid had increased. Again. Up from 9.4 to just below 11cm. Heyyyy ain't that just great? Yeaaahh.... What REALLY made me laugh was when we came out of the room, Mme Sonographer asked us to hang around for a few minutes, but didn't say why. Turns out she had to go find a consultant to see if we needed to stay in Labour & Delivery for whatever reason. It's probably just as well she didn't say why before she went; she'd have found me running (walking fast/hobbling/waddling) out to the car park as fast as possible.

Friday's consultant appointment had me on edge. D and I packed the bags in the car, pretty much expecting to not be allowed home for monitoring/internals/inductions/big gaping baby heads emerging everywhere...

Ok maybe not that much, but certainly to be kept in for monitoring. We saw the Consultant who claimed actually I don't have Polyhydramnios but wanted to keep an eye but everything's ok but we should be concerned - Dude! Dude. Like, wtf? Is there any chance the medical profession could agree on something and stop playing mind-fuck games with me?

Due Date: 04/21/2009
Week: 13+5 days
Month: 4
Trimester: 2
Fetus Age: 12 weeks
Heartbeat: 151bpm
Time to Go: 182 days
Size: Peach, apparently, but that could depend on what country you're in.

So this morning, I have had an extra nap with Noah, he then had breakfast (complete self-fed finger food breakfast - Cheerios, Corn Flakes, Raisin Wheats, fruit pouch, cup of water), shipped him off to grandparents, had a shower, had breakfast and am now sitting in front of the tv. I've even washed my hair (no idea when I last did that).

I've pooped. I realised it'd been approaching a week and was about due. Noah hasn't pooped. That'll be nice for the grandparents.

Every so often I feel The Other One having a fidget, and heartbeat is always heard clearly on the doppler. In the mornings before my colossal pee, I have a ski slope of a bump.

Weight loss has slowed down, but I'm still only 5lbs heavier than I was at this stage with Noah. Appetite is still minimal, Cheetos addiction has phased off a bit, but hey! That's ok. I know I'll find some other crap to eat.

I'm physically exhausted and still have the odd migraine twinge, but the good lord has decided that my drugs WILL work, and I'm no longer ploughing my way through a thousand tissues a day.

My car should hopefully be ready tomorrow, and I will no longer have to drive the Bum Nut C3.

Noah is cutting 4 teeth at the top, all at exactly the same time; all 4 have cut the gum open and are waiting to make their grand appearance, which we expect by this time next week.

Come on bitches, I dare ya to try me now.

ACK. Enough with the emotions already.

Good news: despite tendonitis, I can still carry on playing as long as I ease in gently (ha!)and IL has offered to resume my lessons. Thank the lord (lucifer is on a break).

More good news: We're indulging in Baby Einstein and it's actually good fun. We're working on signing for milk (which involves me signing milk whilst Noah screams his heart out for milk and just feed me now and stop wriggling your hands in my face you stupid whore). Occasionally we also sign mommy and daddy. His input is to stare at us curiously, sigh and wonder what the hell we're trying to torture him with.

I must say, I'm truly impressed with D and his efforts; he sat and watched the signing DVD with us and learnt pretty much all of them first time round. Then we watched Baby Bach. Noah fell asleep. I can understand that...

Random good news: Noah's cradle cap is clearing up now that I'm paying more attention to actually doing something about it, I'm off to Lush later today to pick up some world famous* Dream Cream, which does the trick nicely, compared to the 'hint of plastic bondage clothing scented' Oilatum.** It makes me want to Ralph.

Interesting news: Noah decide to test my skills by having two Code Browns in one day. I rose to the challenge, which resulted in only one change of clothes. I am the master...!

Not so good news: I can't seem to shift this pregnancy weight dammit! I'm kinda tired of hearing "Oh yeh, this one girl breastfed for 3 days and lost her preggo weight plus another 48 stone!" People that does NOT make me feel better, especially when I'm exclusively breastfeeding. (Yes, because I can so nyer nyer, bitches.) I truly admire people who can shift the weight, and look gorgeous, and blah frigging blah, but what am I doing so terribly wrong? I eat breakfast (porridge), lunch (pasta maybe, big chunky-ass sandwich) and then dinner (proper in-yo-face meal). I snack on fruit...and cakes...and biscuits...oh wait, hang on.


Maybe I should take a hint from Noah.



"mum, thanks for the milk and everything, but seriously the snacking has to stop. can i interest you in a squidgy finger."




"maybe a juicy hand."




"nyom."


* It probably isn't world famous, although it might be, and it should be.

** I'd like to point out that I do not make a habit of sniffing plastic bondage clothing.

It's official, we have a Poopgate Scandal on our hands. Today was a day filled with poop in so many ways. After the antics of our official first Code Brown, things have escalated. Code Brown has escalated. Code Brown has reached amazing new heights (volumes). We've had another 4 since the first one, today's Code Brown resulting in a change of Noah's entire outfit. We have actually taken pictures of one of them. I daren't post them because, well, oh my god (and who wants to be that person who posts pics of baby poop?). I get kinda scared when we go several wet nappies, no poop, cos you kinda know a Code Brown is in the making.

To add insult to injury, and as if Noah's poop wasn't enough (did I mention I'm clearly developing an obsession with poop?), some little doggy pooped on our front lawn. Not impressed. I daren't (can't) point any fingers as I don't know who's adorable little doggy it is, but still, not impressed.

Further to the Poopgate Scandals, it's still a sore subject with myself. Fibersure is my new best friend. What frigging joy. (And don't tell me to eat more fibre. If I eat any more fibre than I'm doing, I'll have my own fruit farm and be growing my own corn dammit.)



"Mother, I'm bored of this poop obsession. Big Tig and I have far more interesting things to deal with."




"Like learning to shove my entire hand in my mouth."




"Followed by a satisfying Code Brown. Ah yes."

Some of you readers keep in touch with me which is great, but it's nice if you leave a comment here too. ;o)

Noah had his 6 week check - all is grand. Major dry skin issues, but thankfully nothing a little Dream Cream can't fix.

I'm ok too, haven't thought much about my Old Friend in a while, even though Health Visitor and Dr#1 have both declared me high risk. I guess we'll see how it goes.

Noah pooped this morning. Nothing new, admittedly, only that he sounded like an old man passing a bowling ball, huffed and puffed, then went very quiet. Then my leg became very wet. We had our first official Code Brown, saturating him, me, the duvet, the towel he was sitting on, and the burpee beneath it. And yes, he was wearing a nappy, vest and babygrow. We actually contemplated taking a picture.


(Hi my name's J and I'm a Poop Addict.)

Obsessed mom #1 "Yeh my baby's 5 weeks old and rolls over all the time!"

Obsessed mom #2 "Ahw that's great! Well my baby is 1 week and already plays with toys!"

Obsessed mom #3 "Lovely! My little baby is 3 hours old and does quadratic equations!*"

Me "Yeh. Great. Noah frowns. A lot. Especially when he's pooping."

You know how you vow to try not to be competitive? Well I didn't see it coming from the other direction. The direction where you wonder whether your baby is disabled in some way because it hasn't moved out, started college and earned enough money to buy it's own house by the time it's 2. (months.)

To me he is obviously great. His feats are that he has this awesome pooping face, which includes a pout as well as a frown. He doesn't roll over but he can lift his head clear off the floor when he's on his front. He laughs, gurgles, coos and often marvels at the sounds he makes. If he's sitting propped up, he'll lift his arms as support and pull his back clear off the cushion to sit up. Unfortunately he obviously can't sit up yet and so topples sideways every time.

So maybe he isn't a Super Baby. I can live with that I think. But at least I know my baby is Super Cute, even when he is pooping.



*Do you remember doing those at school? Wasn't that something like x = -b plus or minus square root of b squared minus 4ac over 2a? What the fuck was that??

in which to tell you everything that's been happening so far and so i'm not going to bother with grammar or punctuation or digressing and stuff and so Noah is now over a month old and omg where the hell has the time gone he chews my nipples raw on a daily basis but i have finally stoped crying through feeds thanks to the joy of nipple shields which are now my best friend and what's really lovely is that Noah now smiles at me quite often after a feed and when he's playing and omg not sure i should admit this but yesterday i bit his finger by accident and i'll never forget the horrified look on his face and and jesus am i a bad mother i often wonder if there's a website called badmothers.com probably is but i'll bet it's a porn site and noah has started sleeping through the night from time to time which is awesome but it often comes at a price in that i can spend up to three hours putting his dummy back in his mouth because he thinks it's hilarious to keep spitting it out and then wanting it again but apparently that's what makes life fun what's really great is taking a kabillion pics on your phone everytime your child even moves it's head and then you take a billion more in case the first kabillion didn't work ad admittedly i've been typing longer than 30 seconds but the boy is still asleep and so i'm taking advantage and did you know i'm still able to poop it's a great feeling but i know most of you take it for granted but anyway and nana came round a few days ago and nearly drove me insane but bless her i know she's all excited but for the love of god will you please just let me change the boy's nappy and stop being in my face and his before one of us commits a murder but i can't complain she gets to see her grandson and i get to eat ahh what a luxury and now i'm wondering if i can afford to put in a full stop or maybe even a capital letter maybe but not just yet but before i forget at some point you will have to get passport pictures taken of your baby and should you choose to do so you would be strongly advised to go to a specialist shop and not to a passport booth like i tried to do and then realised that i could not be in the picture and soo how the frigging hell am i supposed to get noah on the shot upright and close enough and not screaming and press the damn frigging button only to discover that 3 attempts 12 pounds and several days later the pictures aren't suitable and so you're going to have to get them done at a specialist shop anyway for the love of sweet god but anyway it's quite clearly time for far to many pictures to bore you with because for crying out loud i have quite possibly the most gorgeous baby known to man and i couldn't give a flying monkey testicle what anyone else thinks.

Again. It was only a matter of time. I seem to be going through the "Wow do I suck as a mom" phase, and it's not making me feel good. I'm determined to make sure it stays as Baby Blues, and doesn't turn into PND because for the love of god, I can't cope with that right now.

We all knew to look out for it, but I thought I might be a little stronger than this. I already seem to be heading to the Land of Neurosis (especially after we made it two weeks before rushing Noah to A&E after he projectile vomited milk out of his nose for the umpteenth time). I didn't want to be the neurotic mom and I hope I never get there.

I've been terrified of PND for some time. It's my worst enemy. My geatest fear. I can't function when I'm depressed and if that happens, we're screwed.

My body is doing a little better and I try to hang on to that, apart from the fact that I cry my eyes out every time time Noah feeds on Left Boob. It's agony. Like some is massaging the nipple with a freshly sharpened razor blade dipped in lemon juice, salt and vinegar. Lovely.

However, my saving grace was hand expressing 250ml off Left Boob. Left Boob was most grateful, especially as it had started threatening me with a bout of mastitis. Cos you know, if Right Booob can do it...

Yesterday morning was a hoot - D has gone back to work and I had to leave the house. Fill the car with petrol, pick up a prescription. Easy. Yeah. Petrol station: assumed I would only be 30 seconds in the shop, pay on the card. Left Noah in the car (Ahhh...Bad Mommy Rookie mistake). Both cards - declined. Emergency call to the bank. Crying out loud. 15 minutes later, I get back into the car and Noah is screaming blue murder. Hooray.

Next - pharmacy. 'Won't be long at all' she says. Lying whore. You would think I had taken the hint from the petrol station and brought Noah in with me. Nope, left him in the car. Again.* 3 frigging days later (ok, 20 minutes later and several trips back out to the car) I get the prescription. Do you think I've even used it? Nope, because my stupid mentality refuses to pump Noah full of crap at less than a month old. Oh. My. God. What the hell is wrong with me?

The good news throughout all of this? I've pooped several times this week. It's surprisingly reassuring.


*My reasons for this are purely selfish - I struggle to carry him in the car seat and it hurts my hip. Solution? Screw my hip and just carry theboy in his car seat. *tsk*