@cosmicgirlie
Due Date: 01/03/2008
Week: 17+1 day
Month: 5
Trimester: 2
Fetus Age: 15 weeks
Fetal Heartbeat: 139 bpm
Size: 12.5 - 14 cm
Time to Go: 159 days
Hahahahahahahaha! The Situation has reached all new heights, especially when I called up Personnel yesterday and found they hadn't been notified of my pregnancy, which they SHOULD have been told about since I told work...Oh dear, tut tut tut. And another tut for good luck (and fun). So hopefully they're gonna send me a load of stuff, whilst I 'Discuss Things' with JT. Needless to say, I intend to kick ass, because the stress of this has been ridiculous. And 'Discuss Things', is a slightly non descript way of saying 'Take it Up Another Notch', or 'Show People What Happens When You Try To Fuck Me Over Good And Proper', or perhaps even 'Seriously, Do Not Screw With The Pregnant Lady'. Or in plain English, 'I'm Gonna Go All Legal On Yo Ass'.

The Lovely DrMc advised me yesterday (as I collected another sick note) that if I do Discuss Things, then they have plenty of documentation to back me up all the way. This makes me strangely satisfied, because I finally feel like I'm starting to get some real support, the support I should have had from people involved in The Situation back in May (too late now guys, too late now...)

Physio on Wednesday was also entertaining - I have a Maternity Belt! I am the all time fashionista queen.

It's hideous.

Like a big white thing, with boney things on it that secures itself around my fat ass. It doesn't even look like a long t-shirt or something. It's almost hilarious. And something even funnier? If I'm sitting with my back up against something and my legs stretched out in front of me, I can't lift my left leg off the floor! You're lucky if you get about 2 inches lift. Right leg of course, shoots up to the heavens with little to no effort. It's quite amusing to watch...

Still on the crutches. Even The Physio Nurse was impressed with how fast I could get around them. I got skills.
And now on to some more good news (see? I can do happy posts once in a while) - one of the car seats arrived this morning, and I actually got a teensy bit excited. I just spent 15 minutes working out how to adjust it and stuff, and it's really easy. Absolute bargain too (thank you Mamas & Papas sale).

AM has taken the snakes so I can now start some real work on the nursery - which reminds me, I must find the wallpaper steamer remover thingy in the garage. And find somewhere to put the doube bass.

You know what's really nice? I think I'm finally starting to get excited. The days still drift by, and I feel minimal connection to Mocha - much as I want to spend time rubbing the belly and reading stories to a lopsided bump, it's still difficult to do. I'm obviously aware about her wellbeing, and more often than not, when I'm on the Slippery Slope, all I can think about is 'is she ok, I hope I'm not hurting her'.

I'd hate to hurt her. I'd hate to know that a perfect beautiful little baby Mocha could have been harmed by my stupidity or some kind of selfishness. I want her to be perfect. If she's not, I'll blame myself for a million years. I know she'll be loved. I know I'll love her to the ends of the Earth and time. But I find it so hard to love something that still doesn't seem real yet. Yeh She moves (though not felt it much lately) and there's a bump which screams hello every morning, and for the love of God if my belt isn't round my ass, I feel sick, but it's still so hard to connect.

I hope I do connect soon though, because I'd really like to get to know Mocha, real soon.

5 wks 17wks
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@cosmicgirlie
Due Date: 01/03/2008
Week: 16+5 days
Month: 4
Trimester: 2
Fetus Age: 15 weeks
Fetal Heartbeat: 14o bpm
Size: 11 - 12 cm
Time to Go: 162 days

Oh my god I want a Petunia Pickle Bottom Diaper Bag. Please. Please. Please. I almost don't even care which one. Any one will do. Please. Any. Please.

So the ball has started rolling and I'm getting more healthcare at home. A counsellor came round yesterday and she was sooooooooo helpful. I'm impressed at how fast they get things going. I'm wondering whether to go to IE for extreme help if there isn't any progress.

Anyway, enough of the dull stuff.

Mocha is kicking daily, though I still don't know what actually makes her kick; still, it helps to know she's still alive. I find it amusing that I seem to be hitting the uncomfortable stage, despite only being 16 weeks. Hehe that's really funny (I seem to actually be a pansy).

And before I forget (or go) I thought I'd post this from FF - it's kinda funny.

You know you're pregnant when...

You're filling in a form for something, preggo brain kicks in and you can't remember your date of birth/address/age/name

People suddenly take a slightly creepy interest in your stomach area

Your doc says 'Please lift your top so I can feel/listen' and you realise you're gonna have to do it without batting an eyelid

A corned beef, egg mayo, pickle and cheese sandwich sounds GREAT

You either have a passionate craving for a specific food or you don't have any interest in eating at all.

You take a plate and silverware out to eat lunch. Place them on the counter and while waiting for your lunch to cook, start washing the dishes in the sink. when your lunch is ready you wonder where your plate and silverware went. Then you realize you washed them along with the dirty dishes

You pay the lady at the drive-through, take your change, and then drive off without your food.

You have an emergency stash of antacids in every room of the house, plus your car and your desk at work--and these all need to be replaced frequently.

You're gasping for the loo, feel like you haven't been for DAYS even though you went 20 minutes ago; you finally pee, and produce just enough to fill half an eggcup.

You get excited about the discovery of a new way to mix fruit juice and club soda to produce a "cocktail." And you put it in a fancy glass with garnish to bolster the illusion.

You are ROASTING and sweating, thinking you are going to DIE from the heat, and everyone around you is cold.

One minute you want to rip your DH's clothes off and dtd but the next minute you want to shoot him for leaving his dirty dishes in the sink/dirty socks on the floor/dirty anything anywhere near you

Just watching movie previews about love stories, romantic comedies, dramas etc makes you cry - and the movie hasn't even started yet

You step out of the shower, grab your softest, fluffiest towel and STILL feel like your nipples are going to fall off.


Oh, and just in case you weren't sure about Petunia Pickle Bottom, here is a link to some of the Funkiest. Bags. Ever.

Please.
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@cosmicgirlie
...FF hit the nail on the head. It's good to have people who GENUINELY want to help you with POSITIVE support and advice.
Also thnk it's gonna help to have things to look forward to.

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@cosmicgirlie
Due Date: 01/03/2008
Week: 15+4 days
Month: 4
Trimester: 2
Fetus Age: 14 weeks
Fetal Heartbeat: 142 bpm
Fetal Size: 10.8 - 11.6 cm
Time to Go: 170 days

Nooooo!!!! It was all good!! And then it went crap. And then it was good again! And now I just don't know. Things are going well, but I'm struggling to shake the crap. Yep, not as bad as I was, thoroughly grateful blah blah blah...

Only you know what? The opinionated people can just go away (and I would just like to add at this point I just changed position to type better, my bladder is full and Mocha is trying to kick seven kinds of crap out of me. Only it just tickles. For now. I'm probably squashing her and stunting her growth her something.) because I know what I think, I know what I believe and I'm tired of hearing stuff that I really don't care for.

'Well don't ask then!' shout all the sensible people of the world.

I didn't think I did...and I know people mean well, but I just never seem to agree on what they have to say. Instead, it usually just grates against me. *tsk* Some people have useful stuff though...it's just so few and far between. I'm wondering what they'll say on FF.

On a happier note (because I am THAT determined...and this is one of those blogs about a load of crap) DH is taking the day off tomorrow so we can go shopping/do some more on the nursery/fix the garden/anything to take my mind off crap. I think I'm starting to look forward to Tunisia, maybe it'll work nicely as a diversionary tactic. It'll also make the Summer go by just that lil bit quicker!

We also spent loads of time on the nursery on Saturday. The moving around a whole lot kept the old leg active. Doing a weeks worth of rehearsals, however, left me crippled so THAT was, um, confusing. But anyway, the nursery is now empty (apart from the baby stuff...which I really wanna play with...and the laundry. And the snakes. And the rancid carpet and 70 year old wallpaper. But we got time. Let me change that to nearly empty.) and there's not much else to do until we strip walls floor and ceiling, and furniture to arrive. Which I think should be October. Or November. Or a million years away because that's what it feels like.




Oh, and the router. And double bass hidden behind the laundry.



And the random crap on the wall. And on the windowsill.

DH bought a new lawnmower, I bought some passionflower plants. We're so domesticated...hehehe. But I can't complain! Right? Because, you know, it's doing stuff, and you know, takes my mind off The Situation (which is getting MUCH better I think) even though it's STILL ongoing, and anyway, you know, things are um. Not so bad.

(Then why, pray tell, am I not convinced?)

(and who in the world says pray tell?)

Actually I just remembered I had a fabulous breakthrough with one of my LRSM cello pieces; Bloch Nigun, 2nd page with the evil double stopping. Still can't play it, but worked out what fingers I should actually be using, rather than trying to contort my hand and stuff. Well, not contort my hand as much as I was. Anyway.

So that means I'm over halfway...I think I need to get off my ass and research whether I do Rachmaninov or Schumann. I will not give up dammit! I'm due another qualification. Just one that I would like, rather than one someone else thinks I would like. Hah!

I need meat now. You know what's good? Corn beef, egg mayo and Branston Pickle sandwiches. Oh my god yum.
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@cosmicgirlie
Because you know, I post so often, there's just too much info for you...errrrrrr yes hi.

Due Date: 01/03/2008
Week: 15+0 days
Month: 4
Trimester: 2
Fetus Age: 13 weeks
Fetal Heartbeat: 140 bpm
Fetal Size: 10.8 - 11.6 cm
Time to Go: 174 days

Crutches do NOT slow me down, no siree bob. Yes, I'm actually faster on them, it's hilarious. DH and I went to Taste of Birmingham on Saturday, and I used the crutches from physio. It was great. Of course my hands were screwing at the end of the day, my arms were shattered and I was ready to collapse, but MAN it was so nice to be able to move around. Hehehe. And faster than on Heelys too. Ooooooohhhhh yes.

The Situation continues to drag along; Union contacted them and said 'Er hello? Risk Assessment?' and work said 'Oh yeh yeh...here ya go, take this generic one to keep you ticking over. If you're lucky, we may even arrange a meeting to make it a personal one. But that's if we pull our finger out.'

Lmao.

Spoken to JT about it some more, he's gonna draft me some legal looking stuff. Annoyingly, I'm still trying to decide if those involved in The Situation are genuinely being THAT stupid, or if they're trying to shaft me. If they're trying to shaft me, then I think I'd like to see considerable mess hitting some sort of fan, because I just want this whole thing resolved now. Wonder if I'm the only one.

I have some more pupils! I'm hoping I can hang on to them til maternity leave, and then hopefully my Old Friend will leave me the heck alone.

Ah yes. My Good Friend. Put in a guest appearance this week, and scared the living bejesus out of me. I didn't hit rock bottom, but I know I was close. That whole 'shall I breathe? Can I be bothered? Can I lift my head up to even acknowledge the question DH just asked? Do I even know the answer? Am I dead yet? Can I be?'

The most frightening (and perhaps sobering thought) was that classic guilt that I didn't want to upset people...not about my own demise, but about Mocha. When I realised I hadn't had any proper food for nearly three days and had slept on the sofa because I had no desire to go and sleep in a proper bed, I suddenly wondered what I was doing to her. I felt really bad. Strangely not as bad as I should have done, but I think part of that is because I don't believe in her yet. I wish I would, and pretty soon, it would help an awful lot.

It also doesn't help with the unecessary duration of The Situation, and I'm convinced that's one of the main reasons why I'm having trouble. Would be nice to know I don't have people spying on my every move (is that even allowed??)

On a completely non-related subject, with the support and advice of TT, I have decided that yes I CAN feel Mocha move. It's quite bizarre, like I'm being gently nudged from the inside! I'd love to say it's awesome, but I'm still struggling to believe it. I keep saying 'when it gets stronger, then yeh for sure blah blah', and so yeh, it got stronger and I'm still like 'blah blah'. I'll be convinced one day! Like maybe when she's ripping her way out of me.

I rediscovered facebook again the other week...it's so good to find ways to stay in touch with the world.
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@cosmicgirlie
Due Date: 01/03/2008
Week: 14+2 days
Month: 4
Trimester: 2
Fetus Age: 12 weeks
Fetal Heartbeat: 143 bpm
Fetal Size: 9.3-10.3 cm
Time to Go: 179 days

Ooooooooh my god life is funny as fuck. I'm on crutches! The union are involved at work! I went to an aqua-natal class! I woke up three times in one night from nightmares! It took me nearly three days to do my hair!!!!!!!!

LMAO.

Let's see...ok crutches. Physio appt on wednesday which scored me a very nice butt massage. Ok it was a girl doing it, but having never had a proper massage before, christ it felt good. Unfortunately, it ended in crutches (will I never get back on my Heelys?). They're quite entertaining though, I can move faster on those than without them, and I'm reaching speeds similar to those on my Heelys. Oh yeessssssss.

I spoke to a friend, JT, about work and I've been in touch with NASUWT. Seems like I've been doing all the right things so far it would seem, and hopefully I should have a risk assessment coming my way. Hopefully. I'm bored of doctors notes. And trying to find ways to get to the doctor. Maybe I'll go there on crutches. Could pick up some speed.

Anyway, we'll see.

And Aqua Natal - omg it was actually fun. And it didn't hurt. And I didn't scream like a banshee when I had to do lunges in the water. Have you ever had to do lunges with sciatica OUT of water? It's really not fun. Really. No, REALLY. Unfortunately, it hurt like an utter bitch the following day, but hey, I think it was worth it.

And even better? We got to use floats. Oh man I love those things, they're great (because I'm lazy?) and well, hey, it's just fun. I'm going back next week, for more fun and frolics, but I'm gonna be without a buddy soon, TT is 32 weeks and won't last much longer! Wonder who else I could drag along...

Ok what else do we have...oh yeh, nightmares. Well, serves me right I think. DH and I had some Moroccan Lamb and Mango Chicken wraps, which resulted in DH barfing most of the night and me screaming and flailing repeatedly all night. Good times! Ahh...good times...

And yes, finally my hair is done. Long, straight, black and red. It's kinda sinister, but I'm getting used to it.

And you know what? I might be going to Tunisia in a month. Ohhhhh yes, I heart last minute holidays. Everyone else can get screwed.
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@cosmicgirlie
Screw this, I clearly need to show you about the cuteness.
(Breathe a word to anyone about how cute I'm being, and I will be forced to post some not so cute pictures).



Yes these are Cute Baby Sized Cats. And DH has already begun the search for a matching hard hat to take Mocha out on site.

And as for Cutie McDuck,


well he belongs on the front of Mocha's outrageously cute clothes.



Did I say cute? Did I mention that? Because I meant to say CUTE dammit. CUTE CUTE CUTE!!!!!

Oh god.
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@cosmicgirlie
So I just realised all this time that I had disabled comments. Whilst I appreciate no one reads this blog, should you stumble upon it, you can now leave some sort of inappropriate comment.

Ha.
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@cosmicgirlie
Due Date: 01/03/2008
Week: 13+4 days
Month: 4
Trimester: 2
Fetus Age: 12 weeks
Fetal Heartbeat: 143 bpm
Fetal Size: 7.6 - 8.9 cm
Time to Go: 184 days


Soooo...is it gas? Or....is it...um...my bowels? Or perhaps...my oversized, overfilled bladder? Cos I know for sure at 13 weeks on a 1st pregnancy I can't be feeling Mocah move. I mean, ok she's around 3½inches, but holy crap! Feeling her move? Christ on a cracker. If it is her then that's awesome. If it's not, then I have some serious gas, which I could wholly believe because things haven't been uh, 'quiet' for a while.

Mum had a go with the doppler last week. I think she quite enjoyed it and was impressed with ours. She said it was actually better than the ones they use at the hospital, mainly because ours is waterproof and theirs isn't.

Hehe.

DH and I had a laugh the last two mornings; Mocha seems to making her pronounced announcement to the world. Usually first thing in the morning when I'm lying on my back with a full bladder. As a result this makes my abdomen look like the Peak District. My belly disappears between ribs and button, then there's this almighty bump and I can't see my pants. Yesterday it was perfectly central. This morning it undulated perfectly upwards on the left. I had to laugh...and of course, poke and prod.

And on Saturday, we went out for a meal with Jim and Tara, Tara currently being 31 weeks pregnant. And my god was she a breath of fresh air. It was so nice to talk to someone who was actually keen to talk shop, and wasn't overly neurotic! (I can cope with neuroticism as long as it's Within. Reason.) And in all fairness, she described her first feelings of movement and they're exactly the same as what I'm getting. I still think it's gas though (Oh the Cynicism!). And of course Jim was able to offer STACKS of advice on The Situation, and from what I described, actually thinks I might be being shafted. All being well I should hear something back from the Union this week.

Slightly satisfied grin.

DH had words with MIL last week. I couldn't help but smile...my hero hehe. Whether it makes a difference I don't know; he thinks she didn't believe him, but I've decided if she starts up again I'm just gonna be honest. This is the fucked up upbringing I had with my family! We don't speak to each other! Unless we want to! Or need to! And certainly not more than x times a month! (Depending on family member) Remember! Have not spoken to father for 6 years! Brother still not responded to pregnancy announcement 3 weeks ago! I phone mother to harrass her! My OWN mother!!!!

Oh the exclamation marks!!!!!!!!

But I don't think she understands all that, including the exclamation marks, so I think it's time it came direct. But that's ok, I'm pretty strong these days.

Think I might do some more shopping on Amazon.
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