So yes, I met Gordon Ramsay last weekend. I've had an un-dying fixation with him for some time, and going to his book signing at the BBC Good Food Show made me a rather happy lady. Cos you know, HOTNESS.
I decided that the greatest moment came when, whilst waiting in the queue, I realised that my boobs had grown significantly throughout the day; we obviously didn't have Noah or Isaac with us, so I was sporting some fucking awesome cleavage. Seriously? Nursing? AWESOME.
My turn finally came, and as some dude took the two books off me to be signed, I thrust everything else (camera) at D, double checked the boobs, threw myself across the counter to shake his hand and kiss him, then realised I was sporting some fantastic pit-sweat patches.
Life had reached an all time high.
He asked me some questions. Unfortunately, the guy chose not to ask me the questions I had expected him to ask me (What's your favourite dish to cook? Is that your husband? Are your boobs real? Do you like it rough?).
He asked me about Christmas dinner.
Me: Um, I think I'm cooking ham this year!
GR: Ham! Ooh, roast honey glazed?
Me: Um no...
GR: Oh...you're gonna boil it? (looking at my boobs)
Me: Umm..yeah ok... (I'm actually roasting it)
GR: Who you got round for Christmas dinner then? The whole family? (squinting at my boobs)
Me: No it's just me, husband and the two kids. 2 years and 6 months.
GR: 6 months? Congratulations, fantastic. You look great for it! (to my boobs)
Me: Thanks! (pop the boobs a little)
I don't remember much else, apart from saying thank you umpteen million times and flinging myself over the counter to kiss him. Again.
I know the general argument is he's an arrogant fucker with attitude, a foul mouth and not the best personality in the world. And you'd sooner go for Jamie Oliver. But seriously. You just know Jamie Oliver wouldn't know how to take you roughly in a swanky hotel just yards from a fucking fancy restaurant.
D and I moved on to the Beer Tasting Arena, to ponder over the loveliness that is cleavage.
And yes this was taken, by D, in the middle of the Arena. With two lovely little ladies who were sat at our table, whom we hope to meet again next year.