Yes yes, he moves. A lot.

A WHOLE lot.

It's not quite crawling, though because I'm his mother, I'm allowed to say it is. Though I guess really, it's more like Commando style shuffling/lurching on limbs/rolling forwards-sideways kinda movement.

It's really impressive!

Well at the end of the day, he moves forwards, on his front, frantically moving his arms and legs; think "fish with arms and legs trying to go forwards on dry land".

Yeh, that's easy enough.

It's pretty cool, though oddly unsettling; neither D or I can turn our backs now, not even for three seconds, since he seems to be getting incredibly quick at it! It's so good that he does it now, though, I guess it's a step towards his independence that he so desperately wants.

N: (Son of a bitch, I'm gonna reach that mug of scalding burning tea if it kills me)

J: Son, please don't reach for the mug of scalding burning tea, it will kill you.

N: (So as soon as she turns around I'm obviously going to throw myself forwards, repeatedly, as fast as possible. That forbidden object will be mine. Mine, I tell you!!)

J: Shit!!

N: (Dammit!!)

I spend many mornings lying down on the bed or floor...not relaxing, no, no. Looking to move everything that isn't nailed down out of his reach. I wouldn't mind but when your kid (5½ month old kid at that) is able to throw pillows across the room, well, you'll take no chances.

Now if you'll excuse me, having met up with some of the Yummy Mummys today, I'm going to go play on the Wii to see if I can lose around 40 frillion pounds to look as good as the rest of them.

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For myself, which is my wickedly awesome son, and for Noah, which is a banana rusk.


"What? Camera? Nom."

"Mother you're getting too close. Nom."

"You want some?"

"Nope. Nom nom nom."

"Mother I swear get that camera out of my face, or I'll smother it with soggy nommy banana rusk. You have been warned.


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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK, insert string of expletives here.

Remember the nightmare that was breastfeeding? Well son of a bitch I might as well have just given up from day one.

And as an aside, since I actually am a bitch, does that mean Noah is actually a son of a bitch?

Anyway, yeh, breastfeeding and shit, guess which son of a (nah sorry not working for me) - guess which little man appears to have a dairy intolerance of some sort? *snort*

He had a Little Stars yogurt last Thursday, and all round his mouth turned bright red with tiny little blisters. Lovely!! So the next day I gave him Greek yogurt (sadistic bitch that I am) and we had the same response. Sunday I gave him half a baby spoon of cows milk. See above.

The thing I'm trying to understand is, is it milk allergy? Is it lactose intolerance? Well either way, I hauled my over-cautious ass to Sainsbury's and bought some Soya Milk. I've never ever tried it but for some reason the idea repulses me.

Anyhoo! He hasn't tried it yet, because he's spent the last 24 hours howling (that's actually bollocks, it just feels that way. He's been miserable off and mostly on all weekend) and my nerves are totally screwed (like, totally!!!!!). He's eating all kinds of fruit and vegetables which is all really exciting, but it looks like I'll be expressing for a little longer than I thought. Took him to see lovely Dr#2, who advised soya/rice milk. Or (dun dun DUUUUUUUHHHHHN) lactose free f....






(It's like the anti-christ, only it isn't, just completely blown out of proportion by my good self.)

So in the cupboard I have a can of the F word. Not The F Word, I mean this F word.

I guess he'll try soya milk some point this week, or maybe I'll just be too chicken and give it to him the very day he turns 6 months.

Still no teeth, although congrats to Baby B, Mr Baby O and Lil Miss P on their chompers!! My god they look cute. Am jealous? Of course. But I'm irrational, I'm allowed to be.

No crawling yet either, think he's been to miserable, but still more sudden lunges forward, which I can't quite work out how he's doing it, seemingly without moving his limbs. It's sort of exciting, but sort of not, since it doesn't really seem to be happening, or am I just that impatient (Hell yes scream a chorus of internet).

Congrats also go out to the Lovely J and G R on the birth of their GORGEOUS lil baby girl. Going to see them on Thursday, no doubt I'll come away feeling teary about the fact that I never had a tiny precious baby.

(Dear GOD am I that much of an ungrateful whore???!!! Unfortunately it's the truth. SHEESH Internet, can I not be honest in my own blog??)

Hi! My name's Jay, and I have issues.

My child does not stand a chance.
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The end. See ya next week.



"Geeze mom, it's easier and quicker if I just do this myself."
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Yeh, I took Noah to see his grandfather. Yep, after more than 10 years, I saw my father, Mr L yesterday. It was interesting. Noah was great. Mr L was happy to see us.

I'm still a bit overwhelmed by what happened to be honest. At least I've done it now.

Oh and PLEASE VOTE FOR NOAH!!!! I'm starting to turn into the crazed hysterical mother. You do realise you can vote more than once...
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Ironically, not just Noah's growing pains!!

It's all kind of odd; he's weaning like a trooper, on three full meals a day plus my (dwindling) milk supply, but he's not gaining weight...or he's doing it REEEEAAAAALLLLLYYYYY slowly now. We think it might be because he's now desperately trying to crawl.

For the last week and a half he's been rocking backwards and forwards on his arms, then on his legs, then on all fours.

I think the best moment came last week when he was on his front next to me on the sofa. He'd been rocking on his stomach for a while, when suddenly he propped himself up on all fours and shot a foot forward into the arm of the sofa. I shat my pants.

He's done it a number of times since then, and I'm seriously wondering if he is indeed just going to bypass sitting up. I wish he WOULD learn to sit up, I'm not so keen on how fast he's developing...he's now 22 weeks (today) which is like, uh, 5 ½ months. D and I reckon he'll be moving by 25-26 weeks. I have 3 weeks to empty the house.

Going to sleep or having naps now involves relentless rocking backwards and forwards on all fours, with his head buried into whatever he is lying on. I have to say, it's quite entertaining. Unfortunately he gets worked up so quickly! And I swear he's going to have severely bruised, er....body.

Tendonitis in my thumb is mother-of-god agony, but I'm still playing thankfully! In fact, I'm due in Symphony Hall for 2pm today for a rather large concert tonight. Felt quite proud of myself when I got promoted yesterday from the back of the section to 2nd desk. Ok I know it won't be the same for the next concert where I'll automatically be back at the back again, but still, after all the back-stabbing, shit-throwing, utter-bollox I've had to deal with in other orchestras, it's a welcome gentle temporary rub of my ego. And they've asked me to play for their cello workshop next year.

He still has no teeth, despite gumming everything within a 3 foot radius of his mouth. There is one thing that I wish to god would HURRY UP AND HAPPEN ALREADY, I do NOT like having a child who is screaming and miserable almost 24/7 without there being very much I can do about it. I'm not a fan of doping him up Calpol, I much prefer to give him rum or brandy.*

I've had some utterly shite days these last few weeks, more recently resulting in me collapsing to the floor, screaming and begging Noah to stop crying. Apparently on Thursday I was shouting at myself so loud, the neighbours came in to find me curled up sobbing on the bathtroom floor. That was fun. I hasten to add I have the sense to put Noah in his cot everytime I feel it coming on, so he's NOT in any danger.

I love PND, every day brings new drama.

People keep saying take the meds (after last time? With the whole 2 stone weight gain, vision problems, sleeping for 2-3days without waking up at all and the hallucination trippy shit? Uh, no thanks.) and others keep telling me what Noah really needs to make things better for him.

I have to say, I'm fast approaching the "screw you, I know him better than anyone so I'm gonna do what I think, you rather large group of stupid whores".

My favourite would be when mother, waaaaaaay back, said I couldn't give him a dummy. It's wrong, he doesn't need it, I'd regret it. Last week she had the balls to ask why I wouldn't just give him his dummy.


Yes, by the way, we have eliminated "The Dummy". Well I did it, and hoped for the best. He now hasn't had it for about 2-3 weeks, and it's not so bad, though of course there are many times when I question my own decision. Like when he's screaming the mother-freaking** house down and my eyes and ears are bleeding.

For once I'm standing my ground.

"That's right mother, you stand your ground and I'll just gum on this tasty toy. Nom."

* I'm obviously kidding. Mostly.
** Mother-freaking because I'm trying to cut down on swearing. No such fucking luck.
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mission? Vention?


Here's something to keep you amused. Albeit sideways (if anyone knows how to rotate video....please let me know...)

By the way, Noah is in a BABY MODELLING COMPETITION!! I fancied a laugh. He obviously won't win because I know I'm not competitive enough, but should you feel the need to vote...

I have Postnatal Depression. Noah's getting teeth. Blogging got really tough.

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