Showing posts with label weight. Show all posts
Showing posts with label weight. Show all posts
Does This Belly Make Me Look Big?
@cosmicgirlie
Due Date: 04/21/2009
Week: 33+6 days
Month: 8
Trimester: 3
Fetus Age: 32 weeks
Time to Go: 43 days
Size: Anywhere between an embryo and, uh, the TV.
Time til Growth Scan: 11 days

I am a truck. Well, no not really a truck, more like a small house. Only, somehow, I'm still not as big as I was at this stage with Noah. Somehow, I'm lighter and still in original sized clothes (below the bump, before one of you leaves a cocky comment heheh).

And yet, here I am, sat in the most flattering maternity nightshirt you ever did see, and by flattering, I mean really NOT flattering. To make it even more lovely, it's bright pink so I look like a giant candy floss, all mis-shapen and, sort of lumpy.

And even more lovely, is the humongous belly button that announces itself to the world like some odd kind of pointy beacon. "Hello!! Preggo belly RIGHT! HERE!! Feel free to have a poke!"

And as for the poking, I don't mind people looking at the bump. Or smiling at the bump. Or being all conversational and maybe asking how long I have left. What infuriates me is the "foot in mouth" comments, and also the assumption that my stomach, (which, by the way, is faaarrrr too close to my boobs) is open property for one and all to touch. It's very unsettling when people who I have never met and will probably (most likely) never see again, in the middle of conversation, feel the need to lunge at the bump, touch it, stroke it, rub it enthusiastically (and let's just remember how close it is to my boobs again, like really close).

Um people? You know I'm attached to this thing, right? You um, do know that's my belly you're groping there, and for the love of god stop making my boobs jiggle, it's creepy.

Family don't touch it (cos maybe that's just weird). Some friends touch it (which I can deal with, especially if they've already been pregnant). And then random people I have never EVER met are all over it. Which freaks me the fuck out. But you know, whatever. I'm thinking of practicing the same thing in return, kinda like return the favour, you know?

The comments are hilarious. You know, make me wanna slap my thigh, keel over laughing, someone hand me the needle and thread cos I'm IN STITCHES hah fucking HARDY HAR HAR you're so funny comments.

"Are you sure there's just one??!"

"You must be due any day now, right?"

"Do twins/multiples run in your family?"

"Oh my GOD you are HUGE!!"

"Move your fat ass, it's blocking the way/view/sunlight."*

I think there appears to be some law I don't know about that gives people the right to say what the hell they like to pregnant women. Thanks! That's great.


It's big, but I didn't think it was that bad. I would, however, like to point out the fact that my bright pink pants underneath appear to be FAR larger than bump. However, please do not take this as an invitation to play with those instead.

*ok no one really said that, but I'll bet someone thought it.
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NOOOOOOO!!!!
@cosmicgirlie
Due Date: 04/21/2009
Week: 16+6 days
Month: 4
Trimester: 2
Fetus Age: 15 weeks
Heartbeat: 143 bpm
Time to Go: 161 days
Size: Erm...a mediocre avocado? Because next is onion and I'm just confused.
Time til Big Scan: 23 days

Soooo...I thought it was safe to breathe. You know when you have that moment when you think to yourself, "Hey! Everything is just sweet. Life is pretty cool!", and then a reasonable sized pile of horse mud flings itself at you?

We suspect Noah has chicken pox. He's had this runny nose for like, forever, and on Saturday D noticed a couple of spots on his back. Today at clinic as I stripped him off to be weighed (where I discovered he weighs 25lbs 7oz mother of god he weighs a considerable fraction of me) I spotted* a whole load of spots on his back, one or two on his front and he was casually absent mindedly rubbing his chest and tummy whilet strying to talk to HV#4 with his dummy in his mouth.

He's been mostly great for the last few days, being a little scritchy every so often, which we as great parents put down to him just having a cold.

We are so awesome.

I haven't totalled the car, but I really want to push the button that says "VSA". The dealership guy said I really shouldn't push that button. It alters the stability of the wheels and stops over/under steering. Basically, it stops me trying to slide round corners.

So I'm obviously wanting to push that button. Sweet Jesus as if starting the engine by pushing a shiny red button wasn't enough**, now there's a button that I WANT to push even more but NOT ALLOWED???*** What is up with tormenting me with the Button Pushing, people??!

Can I just take this opportunity to say that I am now only 2lbs over my weight when I was pregnant with Noah at this point. There may just be a god.

Of course my latest addictions for lettuce smothered in Heinz salad cream, or pickled onion Space Raiders, or chocolate and cake in almost any way, shape or form, may alter this smugness a little later on down the line.

As a complete aside, I just read a friend's blog entry, and she wrote about how she nearly electrocuted herself in the crotch with her electric razor in the shower. Is it wrong that I may have pee'd a tiny little bit with the laughter? ****


* Pun totally intended
** Christ it's actually red and says ENGINE START. Do you know how sweet that is?
*** I'm sooooo going to push it. When I'm not too chicken shit scared.
**** Hey, you push 11lbs past yer bladder and out yer crotch and see if you don't make a teeny tiny mess once in a while.
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So let's try again, yes?
@cosmicgirlie
Due Date: 04/21/2009
Week: 13+5 days
Month: 4
Trimester: 2
Fetus Age: 12 weeks
Heartbeat: 151bpm
Time to Go: 182 days
Size: Peach, apparently, but that could depend on what country you're in.

So this morning, I have had an extra nap with Noah, he then had breakfast (complete self-fed finger food breakfast - Cheerios, Corn Flakes, Raisin Wheats, fruit pouch, cup of water), shipped him off to grandparents, had a shower, had breakfast and am now sitting in front of the tv. I've even washed my hair (no idea when I last did that).

I've pooped. I realised it'd been approaching a week and was about due. Noah hasn't pooped. That'll be nice for the grandparents.

Every so often I feel The Other One having a fidget, and heartbeat is always heard clearly on the doppler. In the mornings before my colossal pee, I have a ski slope of a bump.

Weight loss has slowed down, but I'm still only 5lbs heavier than I was at this stage with Noah. Appetite is still minimal, Cheetos addiction has phased off a bit, but hey! That's ok. I know I'll find some other crap to eat.

I'm physically exhausted and still have the odd migraine twinge, but the good lord has decided that my drugs WILL work, and I'm no longer ploughing my way through a thousand tissues a day.

My car should hopefully be ready tomorrow, and I will no longer have to drive the Bum Nut C3.

Noah is cutting 4 teeth at the top, all at exactly the same time; all 4 have cut the gum open and are waiting to make their grand appearance, which we expect by this time next week.

Come on bitches, I dare ya to try me now.
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Speaking from the other side
@cosmicgirlie
That is, the Land of the Dead. Do you know how much it sucks to be horribly ill with a cold, look after a man-child with a cold but chooses not to rest, AND a husband with a viral chest infection?

Oh yeh, and be pregnant too???

Due Date: 04/21/2009
Week: 12+5 days
Month: 3
Trimester: 2
Fetus Age: 11 weeks
Heartbeat: 156 bpm
Time To Go: 194 days (isn't that like, a few years?)
Size: A large plum

Mother of God. These last two weeks have not been fun. We went to visit some of D's relatives in Norfolk and on the drive back, Noah repeatedly barfed up all his milk, right there in his car seat. I had never seen anything like it, he was so ill.

Oddly enough, you would never have known it for the fact that he was still running around like a lunatic when he got home, and pretty much has done since. He's only just back on full fat formula (rather than the diluted crap and/or plain warm water we wre having to give him).

D has actually been off work and is now on steroids and an inhaler - he is verrrrrrrrrry ill. I confess I bollocked him for not taking proper care of himself or realising he was ill; he still tried to go to work 'cos the meeting was too important. He soon realised how ill he was when he fell asleep in the meeting then hit a car driving home...

I guess I got so pissed because I wish he would look after himself, just because I want him to see his kids grow up and stuff. Oh yeh, and because I'd like to be married for a good few more years yet. I felt bad for having a go, but I was just so frustrated.

I, thank god, am doing much better. I'm getting over my cold, and I'm finally out of the Wanna-Vom-Can't-Vom 1st trimester phase, and I eat. Unfortunately, of course I now seem to eat like a horse, and my addictions are sweets (Jolly Ranchers and Jelly Tots), chocolate (has to be Galaxy Minstrels, nothing else works) and Crunchy Cheetos. Embarassingly enough, I ordered some on eBay because I can't get them over here. When I say I ordered some...

...I mean, a box of 50 packets. What can I say? The kid likes fake cheesy stuff!! I'm still thankful for the weight loss at this stage, which somehow, is still happening. 8-ish weeks of not wanting to eat. AWESOME!!

Don't judge me.

I'm now 24lbs down from when Noah was born, 14lbs shed in the last month. Which, therefore, according to the relativity of the hydratic neurosymetic allegation of tri-quatra syndicate and movement*, means I can eat all the Cheetos I like. Washed down with Galaxy Minstrels. And a Jolly Rancher**.

Interestingly enough, I have no idea why many of my cravings are USA based. I've been scouring some websites that sell USA food stuffs here, and my brain practically explodes with the delightful possibilities.

I dunno.

* You know this totally exists, right?
** OMGZZ I totally found Jolly Rancher Soda!!1!!!1!! Will the goodness never end?
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Poundage!
@cosmicgirlie
I have it!! I have the answer!! Weight loss! OMG IT'S SOOOOO EASY!!!!

Exercise? Nope. Dieting? Hell nope.

Pregnancy. Ohhhhhh yes. Seriously. I've lost 8 punds in two weeks. And I'd honestly like to say how proud I am, but I know I can't because quite frankly, all I want to do is share my minimal stomach contents with the nearest bucket.

Jooooyyyyyyyy....

Oh yeah, uh:

Due Date: 04/21/2009
Week: 9+1 day
Month: 3
Trimester: 1
Fetus Age: 7 weeks
Time to Go: 215 days

Noah is making me suffer, it's H-I LARI O-U-S. He loves to play "How fast can I try to run across the room, my head aiming for that rather sharp pointy corner of the table and will my mother be able to catch me?" I LOVE this game, especially when I move waaaaaay too slow and he ends up gumming the floor while I desperately debate attaching wheels to my ass.


Soooooo much fun. Seriously!

He's doing so well though. He's gotten so cocky with his walking/running/moving quickly on his feet, and it's just so crazy to watch. I often have to remind myself he's only 8½ months, not 12 - 18 months. He's already launched himself out of his cot; I put him down for a nap and went to the bedroom. There was some rustling, a gentle thud, then some more rustling.

I walked in to find him sitting on the floor. For about 10 seconds we just looked at each other, both of us open mouthed; I debated whether to scream and panic or just calmly put him back in (or even ask him how the hell he got to the floor, unharmed). He sat there, said "EH" loudly, then went back to fiddling with the bag.

Fabulous.

D and I have taken to the doppler already. I know, I know, it's too early, yaddah yaddah, it's like, the size of a pea or whatever (actually, it's about the size of a raspberry), you'll never find it. But I remembered we found Noah's heartbeat at 9ish weeks, and the curiosity is driving me crazy. And of course, we haven't found it yet.

But just watch! Maybe around 28, 29ish weeks, I'll report that we finally found it. Or maybe we'll find it sooner than expected, because I'll just be skin and bones. Awesome!! In fact maybe I could be a Celeb Mom, and have lost all the poundage before Mocha II is even born. But probably not because I discovered the only things I CAN eat are Jaffa cakes, and egg mayo and Branston Pickle sandwiches. Absolutely no butter, because that's just gross.
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And in the news today,
@cosmicgirlie
ACK. Enough with the emotions already.

Good news: despite tendonitis, I can still carry on playing as long as I ease in gently (ha!)and IL has offered to resume my lessons. Thank the lord (lucifer is on a break).

More good news: We're indulging in Baby Einstein and it's actually good fun. We're working on signing for milk (which involves me signing milk whilst Noah screams his heart out for milk and just feed me now and stop wriggling your hands in my face you stupid whore). Occasionally we also sign mommy and daddy. His input is to stare at us curiously, sigh and wonder what the hell we're trying to torture him with.

I must say, I'm truly impressed with D and his efforts; he sat and watched the signing DVD with us and learnt pretty much all of them first time round. Then we watched Baby Bach. Noah fell asleep. I can understand that...

Random good news: Noah's cradle cap is clearing up now that I'm paying more attention to actually doing something about it, I'm off to Lush later today to pick up some world famous* Dream Cream, which does the trick nicely, compared to the 'hint of plastic bondage clothing scented' Oilatum.** It makes me want to Ralph.

Interesting news: Noah decide to test my skills by having two Code Browns in one day. I rose to the challenge, which resulted in only one change of clothes. I am the master...!

Not so good news: I can't seem to shift this pregnancy weight dammit! I'm kinda tired of hearing "Oh yeh, this one girl breastfed for 3 days and lost her preggo weight plus another 48 stone!" People that does NOT make me feel better, especially when I'm exclusively breastfeeding. (Yes, because I can so nyer nyer, bitches.) I truly admire people who can shift the weight, and look gorgeous, and blah frigging blah, but what am I doing so terribly wrong? I eat breakfast (porridge), lunch (pasta maybe, big chunky-ass sandwich) and then dinner (proper in-yo-face meal). I snack on fruit...and cakes...and biscuits...oh wait, hang on.


Maybe I should take a hint from Noah.



"mum, thanks for the milk and everything, but seriously the snacking has to stop. can i interest you in a squidgy finger."




"maybe a juicy hand."




"nyom."


* It probably isn't world famous, although it might be, and it should be.

** I'd like to point out that I do not make a habit of sniffing plastic bondage clothing.
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And now we weight
@cosmicgirlie
Our good friend the Health Visitor came yesterday to deal with Noah etc. She did the usual exclamations -

"Oh My GOD you're not putting him on his belly to play are you?"

"I hope you're not carrying him around in that sling too often?"

"Don't let him try to stand up too often, it's bad for him you know..."

In my mind my fist meets her jaw and Noah gurgles. In reality I smile and nod dumbly and Noah pees on her scales.

Speaking of scales, last week Noah weighed in at 11lbs 15oz. It wasn't fab but we weren't complaining. Then apparently Noah got wind of the notion of putting on 7oz per week. So he decided to do that and play catch up. So this week he weighs 12lbs 13oz. Nearly a pound gain. Gotta admit, had to smirk to myself.

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