Due Date: 04/21/2009
Week: 27+0 days
Month: 7
Trimester: 3 (what the freaking fuckity fuck?)
Fetus Age: 25 weeks
Heartbeat: Dunno, useless MW# 9,022 didn't tell me
Time to Go: 90 days
Size: Dot
Time til 4D Scan: 12 days

You know all about this button that I'm going to push, right? Nooo not that button, which I still haven't pushed by the way, I mean THIS button.

Well it seems there are people who don't understand my desire to push the frigging button, and therefore push my buttons, which, well, just makes me want to bitch slap them.

Allow me to explain, because that barely even made sense to me.

Midwife appt today, and MW#2, or possibly 17 (lost count, it was the one who dealt with me when preg with Noah) was there along with a trainee. I have no major issues with MW#2, apart from that every so often she may say little things that niggle me a bit. Today she niggled me a LOT.

Trainee MW#n: You want another home birth, yeah?

Me: Ideally; Noah's birth went so well and hospitals freak me out a bit so...

MW#2: Ah but you still had to go into hospital after all of that didn't you? Ha ha!!

Which meant I then had to explain the tearing situation to Trainee while MW#2 (to me) looked quite smug. Hmm, thanks bitch, that's just what I need. MW#3 wanted the job done properly. The end. Get over yourself, biatch.

It's not the first time she's said that, so I'm kinda used to it (though I shouldn't have to be) so I let it go. Unfortunately she seemed to be on a roll today.

Trainee MW#n: Noah was a big baby, yeah?

Me: Yup!! Just shy of 11lbs.

TMW: And you had him at home?

Me: Yup!! (whilst climbing on to bed to be checked) Waterbirth and it was brilliant, would like to do it again.

T: Great!

MW#2: Yeah there's NO WAY she'd have given birth at home without the pool, it would definitely have been shoulder dystocia, it just wouldn't have been successful.

...wtf? Bitch, what the hell did you just say? With me in the room? Are you ragging me up for real?? I appreciate Noah was big, potential problems, yaddah yaddah, but what the fuck? Where the hell is the support that I deserve? Do you have any idea what the hell you're saying? And do you have a fucking clue that saying shit like that, with me IN THE ROOM, is a sure fire way to make me want to have a home birth even more???!

Freaking stupid whore.

She pissed me off immensely with her attitude and extremely unsupportive self, and I would be less bothered had she made the comment to me directly with no one else in the room. But no, this is the attitude she chooses to spread amongst TRAINEES, fer fucks sake. I'm mostly pissed off with her lack of support. Yes I KNOW there are dangers (as with EVERY frigging labour). Yes I KNOW it could be another big one (even though nobody really knows idea what size it will be). Yes I KNOW I'll have to go in if something goes wrong (what do you take me for? A brainless gibbering dumbass without a clue?) At the end of the day, bitch, I did it, didn't I? And there were no serious complications? In fact, bitch, were you even there??

I twittered about it and had a great response about what to do:

cosmicgirlie: Midwife totally has me wound up today. Thinking about bitch slapping her, but that would be bad. Right?

kirstymorrisuk: depends if you film yourself doing it, then post it to YouTube whilst laughing your tits off. That would then be bad :D

cg: ...is it wrong that I like that idea? (or at the very least, it really made me laugh?)

kmuk: What can I say - I am a Muse to Disorder, Chaos and General Mischief. Miss Loki to the man on the street. Go on, do it... ;)

cg: You have NO IDEA how tempting it is. I might even add roaring flames as a background or something.

kmuk: I can see it now YOU: Mwahahaha, I'll teach u how to breath properly (*slapping midwife hard across the face*) MIDWIFE: Ouch.

cg: Damn...I'm gonna have to make this into some kind of screen play...

kmuk: Working Title "Attack of the Bitchwives" :D

And then I spoke to my mother (also a midwife) who advised that I ask to speak to a Supervisor Midwife about the situation, and request her at the birth. It's a tough call but the tiny sensible part says I should do that.

But let it be known, that if I have no joy, then screenplay it is. To be performed in the next month or so.
1 Response
  1. A Says:

    cannot wait for the screenplay. who will play the midwife??