I nearly gave up. Tara Cain was all "you're amazing! You're inspiring! Now I'm going to watch your brain cells leak slowly out of your ears while you all walk around clueless, saying WTF! WTF! Mwah hah hah."

I mean, I love her and all, I met her and some very lovely others for the first time today, but I very nearly considered myself supremely butt-fucked by this week's Gallery theme.


Sooooo...I decided on this.

No no, I'm not suggesting me (though some days I seriously would), but look closer. At my neck.

I have a scar on my neck, which has been there since I was almost a year old. I got it because whilst a childminder was looking after me, she left a tea pot of boiling hot water on a coffee table. I walked over to the table and decided to investigate. The rest is history. I have the scars all around my neck, behind my right ear and down my right arm. They will be there, I suspect, forever.

Most scars I can deal with. My legs are badly scarred from eczema. My bum and thighs are riddled with teenage stretch marks. It's not great, but I find ways to deal with it.

But I know for a fact there are no photos of me as a baby around the age of 1, because my face was so badly scarred for a short while I was unrecognisable. I was a very ugly baby. My poor mum couldn't bare to have the reminder of what I looked like, and even though I never saw it, I don't blame her.

So I consider this scar, of all my battle wounds, to be pretty ugly. I hate it, and even though most people don't notice it, I will be eternally aware of it. It's pretty ugly to me.
9 Responses
  1. Your scars are part of you now, and I don't consider that to be "ugly", although I can sort of see where you are coming from having had a look at my own scars.

    I am loving the use of phrase "butt-fucked" though :D Never, EVER did I think I'd see that phrase in my G-Reader :D

  2. Tara Cain Says:

    Did you use the word butt-fucked and my name in the same paragraph. So. Very. Paranoid. Now.
    My boy has a big ugly scar on his back from surgery he had when he was 4. They told us it would be 4 cms long, it's more like 4 inches long.
    But I've tried to make him proud of it, like a war wound or a battle scar.
    I spent pretty much a whole day with you today and can honestly say I did not see it. And I checked you out properly, trust me!

  3. Barbara Says:

    It was a bugger of a theme. The back story behind your picture is harrowing and has made me re-think what ugly is/can be.

  4. Anonymous Says:

    I have quite a few scars too. Like Nickie says, they are my battle scars I suppose, although I hate them too. Have to say you looked fab today. I think we all notice things that others don't. Bugger of a theme, I agree, and great use of the word butt-fucked!

  5. nomorexcuses Says:

    I love that despite your harrowing story, your awesome use of expletives still gets most of the attention ;) Ugly it is most definitely not, but I guess the memories must be.

  6. planb Says:

    I wondered about battle scars too (I actually just typed battle stars there, so maybe that tells its own story). None of mine are that dramatic (or photogenic) though. Thank you for sharing the story. Thank you for making me laugh. Thank you for another amazing picture!

  7. sister3 Says:

    I looked very hard, and didn't see anything, but its is ugly for what it does inside you, in your heart !
    and the childminder was very ugly !!!
    but you look beautiful on the picture, lucky you finally !

  8. Anonymous Says:

    I've met you twice and never noticed. I struggle to see it in the photo.

    But that's not what matters. What matters is how it makes you feel.

    I have 2 scars - my c-section, and a beautiful vertical scar down my tummy, right through my tummy button. Even when I could, I've never worn a bikini, never bared my midriff. No one can see them, but I know they are there.

    *I* don't see ugly here though. Gorgeous as ever!

  9. Victoria Says:

    I can't see anything. Funny how something so important and ugly to one person, is virtually invisible to others. I think you're gorgeous.