Showing posts with label Speech. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Speech. Show all posts
In Which A Speech Therapist Gets Stabbed.
@cosmicgirlie
Remember when I said Noah was due to go for speech therapy? And we finally had an appointment come through? And the speech therapist came? And she was lucky to leave the house alive without being stabbed in the neck? By me AND D? No? Did I not mention that?

Well allow me to divulge.

She came and brought along a buddy, ST#2 who was to watch and learn how to use the camcorder.

Yes, how to use the camcorder.

ST#1 was to film each of us interacting with Noah for 5 mins to see where we were going wrong.

Yes, where WE were going wrong.

I never felt such immediate hostility in all my days and wanted to stab her immediately, all the while saying "It's not you, it's your attitude".

In those 5 minutes, we were to behave completely normally as we do with Noah, not play up to the camera, completely ignore her and pretend she wasn't there. Yeah, of course, because Noah was REALLY up for ignoring ST#2 sitting on the sofa and a camera shoved in his face.

So I went first, D took Isaac out the room, she filmed. Now, if I were to REALLY do what comes naturally, I'd have left Noah to his own devices, picked up my MacBook or phone, and gone on twitter.

Then we swapped over; I took Isaac out and D played with him.

She then brought us back together to sit and watch what we had done. Nothing like being scrutinized within 15 minutes of her being in the house.

As I said, I should obviously have picked up my phone or MacBook. No. Instead I asked him what he wanted to play with, suggesting things to do.

EHHH - WRONG.

This is leading him and results in him not being able to express himself.


He pointed to a tiger on a piece of paper. I asked him what it was, he said (in his own way) "tiger". I asked him what it says, he said "ROARRR".

EHHH - WRONG.

This is asking him empty questions; if I know he knows the answer then I don't need to ask him any questions.


During D's turn, they played a bit of rough and tumble. D asked him if he wanted a dinosaur to play with as he seemed to be getting tired.

EHHH - WRONG.

This is directing his free play. There was no need to introduce a new toy and Noah should be completely in charge of what he wants to do. Even though Noah was happy to have the dinosaur.


D asked him if he wanted to introduce another dinosaur as we know he likes to make the two roar together.

EHHH - WRONG.

Directed play, deviating from his current interest. There was no need to introduce a second toy.


While we were watching ourselves be really uncomfortable, Noah asked for something and I gave it to him, prompting him to say "thank you".

EHHH - WRONG.

This is focus on a non-important part of his language and development. We don't need to concentrate on his manners; please and thank yous are not important at this stage and will most likely lead to bad habits.


After we finished watching the video, which was like being sent to hell on a razor blade, we had to fill in forms about how we could do better to help Noah speak, and what areas we need to work on until she comes back. Which I think is in two days. This all happened about 2 weeks ago.

Neither D nor I have picked up the sheets; at the moment I don't even know where they are. Down the back of the sofa, possibly. She then went on to (repeatedly) instigate that Noah wasn't speaking because we were forcing him too hard, and that he would speak when he was ready. Also, that at this stage it isn't the quality of his speech to worry about, it's the quantity.

ST#2 made a point of saying "well he's been interacting with me and I understand him fine!"

Seriously. Stabby McStabberson in the hizzouse.

Interestingly, I thought maybe it was just me being hypersensitive. But when I looked over at D, I realised he'd been quiet for some time, and the look on his face spoke everything I needed to hear. He was NOT impressed. And everyone else we've spoken to about the appointment have also said they reckon it was a load of bollocks.

The bright side? I spoke to Noah's nursery about it. They were horrified and told me they have a SENCo who can advise us on mouth muscle exercises and help him form his words correctly. They're impressed by his intelligence to communicate, and once they understand the various words, can't get over how good his vocabulary is. But like us, they agree that his formation of words, his pronunciations are way behind. And so they're willing to help and do what works best for Noah.

I didn't think it would be this hard. But at least we still have our own fun.


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Things
@cosmicgirlie
I haven't posted for a while because now that voting for The MADs has closed, I feel like a tiny bit of pressure has been lifted. Like, I don't have to pimp myself quite so much any more.

Not that I WAS pimping myself, of course, I would uh, NEVER do such a thing...

ANYWAY!

There's been shit loads going, left right and centre, and my head is buzzing in both good ways and bad ways trying to deal with it all.

First and foremost, Noah's potty training is going BRILLIANTLY. In the space of a week, he now only has an accident if he's completely distracted or if I'm being rubbish and forget to ask in over a few hours. And even then, he'll still hold on to it until he's on the potty. I'm incredibly impressed he's pretty much done all this himself, from telling us when he wants to pee, through to holding onto it and getting himself on to the potty when he's ready. Yesterday we had no accidents.

Poop of course, is a different story, but come on! The kid's only 2 and it's early days.

We DID have fun with Mme HV this week however. Remember me hankering on about Noah's speech? And they're all "He's fine, stop your whining, it's too early blah blah mother fricking BLAH"? And everyone else is all "Yeah he'll speak, Einstein learnt to speak eventually didn't he?" And I pretty much told everyone to "shut the hell up?"

Yeah.

Turns out he's speech delayed.

In fact, the HV's words were "Good heavens, his speech really IS behind isn't it? I do hope you've got him under referral! In fact I definitely would refer him RIGHT now if he isn't. Have you sorted out a hearing test? Has he seen a therapist yet? This needs to be dealt with immediately."

I wanted to take one of Isaac's dirty nappies, mix it with one of my snot rags plastered with FOF and make her snort it until she could sing Yankee Doodle Dandy in the style of Gordon Brown.

He's approximately 6 - 12 months behind, which I can deal with I already knew this. Sadly, I feel kind of justified in my worrying. I didn't want this, OBVIOUSLY, but I feel a little more confident in knowing I wasn't talking out my arse. On the plus side, the barrage of tests showed that all his other skills are at the level of a three year old, with his visual and social interaction skills being equivalent to that of a 4 year old.

Still? Of course I know he'll be ok. I don't doubt (and never ever did doubt) that his speech will improve; the whole point of me being a pushy pain in the arse was so that I could HELP him improve. I knew something was not quite right, so I wanted to HELP him.

Plus? When he says something to me over and over again and I have NO CLUE what he's saying? And he's trying his bloody hardest to tell me something and is getting more and more worked up because I can't understand him and I'm getting more and more upset because he's getting worked up and because I'm failing to understand him? I NEEDED to push this.

However, D and I were rewarded for our bloody big efforts in getting Noah to eat more foods. Suddenly, out of nowhere, someone opened a door and a shit load of light shone through it. Right onto Noah eating food in a restaurant, for the first time ever.



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He Can't Talk Very Well But...
@cosmicgirlie
...he sure knows his stuff when it comes to singing along with the Wall-E soundtrack.

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There's a Vlogolution?
@cosmicgirlie
Everyone seems to be vlogging. It's the new thing. I'm quite proud to claim I've already vlogged in the past (but you'll have to rummage the archives to find them) and so here's my contribution. It's very um, informative.

Seriously.


Incidentally, Noah has his Speech Therapist appointment in about 2 hours. So hopefully this frustration will be over and they'll tell me to get over myself, right?

Right.
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Say My Name
@cosmicgirlie
Noah has a speech referral. His appointment is on the first of March, in time for him to start nursery in April. As in, so maybe I can decide which way this is all going to go, and if we're going to need to look at "special measures" when he starts school.

This morning kind of took a really sad turn. Lately Noah is very keen to get my attention, but he does it the most obvious way for him, which is to simply ask, "Mummy?"

So what's so bad about that? What's to complain about? That's great!! He can call me!! AWESOME!!!

Whenever I hear that "Mummy?" I'm filled with dread, because I know I won't understand what is going to follow. I know that he'll say it many more times, until he gets my attention, as he almost always does because he asks for it so politely. And then when he does get my attention, it's followed by one of the following.

1. A sign that we have either learnt together, or one that he has made up himself to convey what he means. The latter is dangerous, if I haven't figured out what he is referring to.

2. A word that he knows clear as day, more often than not, "Daddy", "Gah-gag" (Isaac) or "Nenen" (Nana). There is little to no follow up to this. He will either repeat for fun, repeat until I say what he just said (corrected), or he will go off and play.

3. A word that sounds like the majority of vocabulary, "UH" or "EH". This he will usually repeat until I either guess correctly, or distract him with something else.

Now. I can not, just CAN NOT begin to describe what sort of levels of frustration we're dealing with here. Because usually, most of the above will end in tears of frustration or confusion. I don't understand what he wants. I have no clue what he is trying to tell me. And by trying, I mean pretty much driving himself batshit with determination.

All too many times, he's been doing something, and then randomly burst into tears. Not just, gentle whimpering, I mean full on wailing, omg the world is about to end WHY OH GOD WHYYYYYYYY.

I appreciate toddlers are over dramatic. I know they're not easy. I know that they live in as much confusion as most teenagers, I get that. But tell me. What the hell am I supposed to do, exactly? When he's babbling and mumbling and none of it is making the tiniest bit of sense? When he looks at me, stares at me, like why the hell can't I figure out what he's saying and Mummy? Mummy? Mummy? Mummy? Mummy?

I defy you to imagine what it's like to dread hearing that word. No, wait, let me check that. I love to hear it. I love that he can say it. And Daddy, too. With the same questioning inflection, querying, questioning; it's awesome.

But it fills me with dread. Because I don't know what's coming next. I don't know if within a few minutes, we're both going to be reduced to tears because he's trying to tell me something, wants me to do something, that I just do not understand. He hasn't got time to waste, waiting for me to guess a thousand different things, trying to work out what he's saying. He has amazing patience with me at times, I'll grant him that. I don't understand that. But at the same time, in that moment of urgency, when something is so exciting to him and he wants to share it with me, and I can't because I have no clue what's going on that world of his, it breaks me horribly so, that I cannot be there with him, but can only offer excited nodding and big smiles and saying "Yes of course Noah! Yes yes! Look!!", and all the while, not being able to genuinely share in his excitement.

This morning hit a particular low point. He was sat eating his porridge, like a dream. Given his crazy eating habits (whereby I have decided he would sooner do anything, anything than sit and eat), I was over the moon. He got to the bottom of the bowl, and where there was still a bit left. Then he started crying. Hysterically. I have no. Idea. Why.

Because his cereal was almost finished? Because he couldn't scrape the last bit up? Because it was Thomas in the bottom of the bowl and not Lightening McQueen or Peppa Pig?

And then came that stupid annoying thought, the one that wins every time in destroying me and making me feel pathetic.

This is my fault.

It's because of me why he can't say what he wants to say.

I didn't try hard enough.

I didn't help him enough.

So when your kid, who you want so much to just be happy, who you want to help as much as possible...and then the doubt...the self doubt...the criticism...what do you do?

Why can I not help him? Why am I not "finely attuned" to his needs? Why can he not yet string two words together? And why did I not help him towards stringing two words together even sooner? I felt something was up long before I posted anything here. And now here we are, several months later, with words that barely make sense to me, to anyone, and we're all none the wiser.

I hope to god, every day, that at this appointment? They turn to me and say that he's fine and doing ok for development.

Because right now? The kid sobbing in my face saying my name over and over again is not convincing me.
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The Glimmer of Hope
@cosmicgirlie
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Let Us Give Thanks
@cosmicgirlie
I always feel after writing an epic/whiney/wtf kind of post, that I should have some sort of time out. And then I should post lots of pretty pictures to convince you all that I am ok. And then just breeze on by like the world is wonderful and Isaac has started shitting sweet smelling roses.

Not only is most of that fake, but there is no way on god's earth that Isaac, or Noah for that matter, will start shitting sweet smelling roses.

But before I continue, I would like to address a few things since my last post.

First of all, I want to say THANK YOU. I feel like that's not enough, but I don't know how else to express my thanks. I could, um, point you in the direction of Boob Emancipation, and show you some wonderful NOT PR0N boobs (and I will repeat, this is NOT pr0n) but lots of lovely things that will make you smile.

Or perhaps I could promise to send you all fluffy pink panties, maybe with a crotch, maybe without, depending on what mood I might be in, along with some sweet chocolatey goodness.

If I was REALLY good, I would reply to you all personally to say thank you. I might still do that. I'd LIKE to do that. Because your support has been wonderful.

But for now I'll say it again; THANK. YOU.

I confess when I wrote the post, I expected a whole bunch of trolls, or people to try and rip me a new one for being so open and honest. At the end of the day, I put myself out there completely and openly, because many people don't know where I'm coming from, as seen in the comments. You've messaged me, you've left comments, you've emailed, and for the most part, you have all been supportive. And I am so grateful for that.

On reflection, and spending much of that evening crying my eyes out to D and blowing snot bubbles on his shoulder (have you ever image googled "snot bubbles"? Fucking hilarious), I was very, very frustrated, and on finally reading back my own post a day later, I realise I did it mostly out of frustration.

"I am kick-ass Momma with OPINIONS. Here me RAWRRRRRR bitchessssss."

It's not that I just wanted my voice to be heard, I needed people to understand what it was saying, and why. I felt so sad to have come up against so many walls, when all I wanted to do was express a bit of concern over my son.

It's the hardest thing in the world when in trying to be supportive or helpful to someone, you say "don't worry, it'll all be ok". And they're right, for the most part it WILL be ok. But in the thick of it all, sometimes that doesn't cut it. It's still appreciated, but it still doesn't cut it.

The latest, is that having spoken to my doc, she agrees with our views (D and I) in that Noah should be saying more. She has referred him to a speech therapist, and that was HER call. NOT mine. Needless to say, it's unlikely we'll get an appointment this side of Christmas (thank you NHS, love you. And your food.)

So until then, I rest quietly in the hope that he'll be chattering away like a lunatic before then, and by the time the appointment arrives, they can tell me that he's A OK.

Personally? I think better safe than sorry.

Oh, and, did I tell you, Thanks?
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Because I said so, and because he couldn't.*
@cosmicgirlie
This is going to be a very difficult post to write. Difficult because I feel the judgement/eye-rolling/assvice before I've even started, which really isn't fair on yourselves. Sooooo...maybe I'll just get to the point.

I still firmly believe something is "up" with Noah's speech.

*Dodges several eyeballs rolling across the floor*

I'm not saying he's dumb, I'm not saying he'll never learn to speak...and of course, I was intrigued by the various messages from you the last time I posted about this. The one thing I noticed, however, was that, to be honest...well...

...no one was actually really reassuring for me. People say a mother's instinct is strongest of all (or something like that; I totally made that up), and yet, I feel like everyone is completely making me doubt myself. Or, I'm making me doubt myself. Or, I'm just so fucking highly strung right now and hating myself for thinking something so bad about my own kid.

I've researched my eyeballs out (yes, that's a real phrase) and this post kind of says what I want to say, only far better than I could say it. I guess it's the whole, "I feel there's something wrong, can someone please just hear me out for 5 minutes and stop trying to tell me otherwise?"

I don't want something to be wrong. I'm pushing at this because I want to know it's going to be OK.

Noah now says three words. Mama, dada and nana. He makes the noises for a whole bunch of other words, including words he used to say. Like "Lee" is now "nnnnn". Isaac is now "guh". Ironically, car is "AHH" (like many other things). He doesn't bother saying teeth anymore. Twenty is just about still with us ("tehty") and no is "OWW". And caps are because he shouts. A lot. Like, sweet shiteness with some fluffy earmuffs, kiddo my EARS. PLEASE.

I don't question his hearing. Dude can hear a pin drop when he wants to. I have a giggle with him every so often by whispering to him when he's not looking, and he always responds with whatever.

When he tries a word he can't say, his head starts to shake and his mouth works furiously; he stares at the ground trying to work out how to say the word, and the frustration creeps over his face. His mouth moves a little more. He nods his head like he's trying to shake the word out of his mouth. And then waits for me to repeat it. I do. And he does the above.

Rinse and repeat as needed.

I will be making him an appointment tomorrow with the doctor. I had casually mentioned my thoughts to Ms HV a few weeks ago, and she chose not to hear me out and dismissed me before I was even done. Which of course got me even more wound up. And then she pissed me off completely by suggesting that the sign language has caused him to speak later because he "doesn't feel the need", and so finds it "easier and lazier" (yes, QUOTE) to resort to sign language.

Hey people? If you're going to suggest things like that? I suggest you check info like this. I'm doing my research, please make sure you do yours.

I don't mean to be snarky. I don't want to be snarky. I think I just want someone to hear me out. And then when he's quoting Shakespeare in a few months time, you can all tell me "told you so". And I'll go into hiding for a little while.


* I was going to name this post "The One Where I Snap Y'all Hands Off In a Really Snarky Pissy Kinda Way", but didn't think that would be a great start. See? I care about each and every one of you. I really do.
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Counting up and down
@cosmicgirlie
We're on Day 4 sans pacifier. He still has it for bedtimes, but doesn't have it at all in the day. I think being away on holiday has helped a bit, yet we expected child of Satan to have emerged by now, especially as he's sleeping in one colossal single bed in a creepy bedroom on his own.

He's been on the naughty pillow a few times, rarely more than once a day to be honest, in fact only one day was he on there twice. Despite somehow still looking and being awesomely cute and awesome and by the way, did I mention awesome?


You know who else is awesome? You guys. I'd also like to thank everyone for their responses regarding the whole speech thing...we (D and I) appreciate all your feedback which has been very informative. Needless to say we're still Wah wah wahhh yaddah yaddah, and understand what you're all saying.

I noticed a lot of people mentioned that perhaps he's just not ready to talk; I'd have to say the opposite. There have been so many times where the poor kiddo is pointing at something or shaking his head furiously shouting "AUUH!!!" louder and louder, hoping we'll somehow understand him. So many of his tantrums begin by means of him not being able to communicate. And he babbles. Boy does he babble. But it's all the same word, or sound. That "auh" noise.

His signing is great; he's picking up new words at a rate of knots at the moment, yet with each new word he signs, comes the sound "auh". To be honest, if he wasn't learning to sign, we'd all be fucked. (Hello, can you say "screaming murderous tantrum"?)

I was told to follow my instincts. They say the Mama is always right, right? My instincts tell me Noah is late to talk, and though I wouldn't expect him to hit every milestone "at the right time" (whenever that may be), my instincts tell me he's late and that whilst I shouldn't go all out panic, I do feel something is wrong.

I'm not on all out panic mode, that's a while away yet. But I do still stand by there being something not quite right. Maybe I'll be proved wrong.
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Wah wah WAAAHHH.
@cosmicgirlie
I haven't read comments from yesterday's post yet, but I know I can't wait to see what you all had to say regarding Noah and possible "Speech Delays". And um, after all my whining and panicking and shit, Noah did a day without his soother today, having it only for a nap time (where we gave it to him without thinking) and at bedtime (when he asked for it).

Annoyingly, awesome as that was (and I swear to the good lord we were freaking THRILLED, especially as it wasn't planned), I still found myself analysing his every move, listening to his every sound, all day.

Why is he lining his cars up all pointing the same way on the window sill like that?



Did he just say the words "thank you"?


Why does he always have to have everything "just so" when he wants to watch tv?

If I say "light" twenty times over to him, do you think he'll say it back?

Are all toddlers this quirky?



Probably not, but not so many are this cool.
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Talking Instincts
@cosmicgirlie
For quite some time, I have been very worried about Noah's speech.

*collective gasp/eye rolling/blissful ignorance*

No seriously. I know you're all like, "uh, dude? Not even two."

And I'm all nervous mom, hand wringing, um-ing and ah-ing about it all. And then I kinda do the whole cocky well-my-kiddo-was-walking-at-8-months thing in that way that’s being an asshole but pretending not to be an asshole, even though I’m totally being an asshole.

Now he’s nearly two. I am genuinely worried now. I didn't make a big deal of it before because exactly that; he's only nearly two. And I'm all "well he's been busy walking and um, being uh, physically developed, and uh, that's been his priority and stuff". You know, in a not so assholey kinda way.

But he’s done all that now. He walks, runs, jumps, spins around, falls over, tumbles, gets up, climbs up, climbs down, do all that crazy shit Sportacus does...and it’s all so easy to him and he’ll do it again and again.

But he’ll point to a light in a room, and say “UH”. The same noise he made when pointing to lights last Christmas, some nine months ago. He’ll make that same noise for most things.

Noah’s current vocab:
Dada, Mama, Nana, teeth, twenty, Isaac, no, Lee.

Aaaaaand that’s it. Of those 8 words, the first four are clear as day. The last four are identifiable because we understand him. No one else does. He said hiya a few times. We haven’t heard that for a while. His sign language, however, is impressive in my opinion. Sometimes we only have to use a sign once in context and he’ll remember it.

Noah’s current signs:
Please/thank you, yes, no, eat, more, biscuit, milk, sorry, brother, duck, chicken, monkey, teddy bear, hug, baby, car, wheel, hot, smell, beep, noise, sleep, cry, drink, elephant, star, hello/bye bye, fish, medicine.

There are more but I can’t even remember them right now (he knows more than me).

Noah’s animal sounds:
Dog, cat, chicken, monkey, elephant, lion, zebra, horse, frog, cow.

He’s only 20 months. ACK. He’s ONLY 20 months. But you know what? I worry. I worry a LOT. Can you tell I’m worried? Because I really am worried.

I want to blame it on his dummy. I hate that thing, and I want to get rid of it. Hell I wanted to get rid of it ages ago, but my spineless self couldn’t face the tears and tantrums that would follow. Having said that of course, he’s going through so many fantastic tears and tantrums these days, I often wonder to myself what difference it would make.

But the fact is, we tell him to take his dummy out to speak to us and the exact same noise comes out. Also, I say again, when he does say some of his words, they’re as clear as day. The rest, well, I haven’t a clue. There’s rarely a change in inflection, his babble is minimal and usually revolves around the words he already knows.

I’m in danger. You know that webpage that makes you an instant doctor, qualified or no? You know, where all your heart's desires are fulfilled, every question answered? Well at the moment I’m doing all I can to make sure I don’t try to become an expert in verbal communication.

D and I sat and had a very long talk last night. He’s worried too. We’re on holiday at the moment, and we’ve decided that when we get back, we’re going cold turkey on dummy elimination. It’s gone, it’s over, time to let it go. We wanted it gone by the time he was one. I failed. Then I said 18 months. I didn’t even try. So now, it has to be by the time he’s two. We just cannot face him still having it when he’s 3. I appreciate some people let their children have their soothers until they’re 5, 6 sometimes maybe 7 years old.

I also appreciate when people say “Ahww but it makes him happy! Other babies still have theirs...” D’s response was “Ok so if feeding people cocaine makes them happy, should we also do that to our child?” I love his way of thinking, and oddly enough, that makes sense to me.

I’m nervous. We’re both nervous. Noah still seems awesome somehow.


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