in which to tell you everything that's been happening so far and so i'm not going to bother with grammar or punctuation or digressing and stuff and so Noah is now over a month old and omg where the hell has the time gone he chews my nipples raw on a daily basis but i have finally stoped crying through feeds thanks to the joy of nipple shields which are now my best friend and what's really lovely is that Noah now smiles at me quite often after a feed and when he's playing and omg not sure i should admit this but yesterday i bit his finger by accident and i'll never forget the horrified look on his face and and jesus am i a bad mother i often wonder if there's a website called badmothers.com probably is but i'll bet it's a porn site and noah has started sleeping through the night from time to time which is awesome but it often comes at a price in that i can spend up to three hours putting his dummy back in his mouth because he thinks it's hilarious to keep spitting it out and then wanting it again but apparently that's what makes life fun what's really great is taking a kabillion pics on your phone everytime your child even moves it's head and then you take a billion more in case the first kabillion didn't work ad admittedly i've been typing longer than 30 seconds but the boy is still asleep and so i'm taking advantage and did you know i'm still able to poop it's a great feeling but i know most of you take it for granted but anyway and nana came round a few days ago and nearly drove me insane but bless her i know she's all excited but for the love of god will you please just let me change the boy's nappy and stop being in my face and his before one of us commits a murder but i can't complain she gets to see her grandson and i get to eat ahh what a luxury and now i'm wondering if i can afford to put in a full stop or maybe even a capital letter maybe but not just yet but before i forget at some point you will have to get passport pictures taken of your baby and should you choose to do so you would be strongly advised to go to a specialist shop and not to a passport booth like i tried to do and then realised that i could not be in the picture and soo how the frigging hell am i supposed to get noah on the shot upright and close enough and not screaming and press the damn frigging button only to discover that 3 attempts 12 pounds and several days later the pictures aren't suitable and so you're going to have to get them done at a specialist shop anyway for the love of sweet god but anyway it's quite clearly time for far to many pictures to bore you with because for crying out loud i have quite possibly the most gorgeous baby known to man and i couldn't give a flying monkey testicle what anyone else thinks.