@cosmicgirlie
Due Date: 04/21/2009
Week: 38+4 days
Month: 10 (that ALWAYS cracks me up)
Trimester: 3
Fetus Age: 37 weeks
Time to Go: 10 days
Size: Bigger than the cat
Time til YET another liqor scan: 5 days

It has started to occur to me that yes, I AM EXCITED ABOUT THE BIRTH NOW. I put that in caps in case you thought you may have misread it, or perhaps, uh, wondered if someone else was actually typing this post instead of me.

But yes, I am now really looking forward to meeting T.O.O. I suppose I should be careful how I phrase, because I don't think it's the actual birth that I'm looking forward to. My mind continually replays every worst case scenario (usually involving a thousand monitors, wires, machines and of course, a C-Section) but I know there's not a fat lot I can do at the moment. D keeps telling me we still have a certain amount of control over how things could go, and I agree. But I also see them throwing yet more excuses as to why I should perhaps remain strapped to a bed, labouring on my back in excruciating agony.

It's strange; I don't think I'm scared of what's going to happen; at the end of the day, the baby will be born and everyone will be happy yaddah yaddah. What bothers me is the feeling that my life and that of the baby will be taken out of my own hands and put in someone else's. Sure I'm some kind of control freak. I'll admit to that. But I don't want to have someone else call all the shots without hearing why I think their decisions suck dog eggs.

We have yet another scan this week, and to be quite honest, unless the numbers have soared dramatically (and I'm talking WAY into the upper teens), I don't think I care what they're going to say. I've heard so many different things these last two months, I'd be very unsurprised as to what else they could throw at me. I know the consultant wants to do an internal potentially at the Friday appointment, which, I think I'm going to decline. At the end of the day, I'm pretty sure my body knows what it's doing. And I'm not about to let people prod and poke me just to satisfy their own curiosity.

At this stage with Noah, I was spotting, feeling, sick, having mad contractions etc etc; things feel much quieter this time round, but that's not to say I'm very worried. I know last time I was totally obsessed with every little twinge. That's ok. But I also know that it won't necessarily be the same thing this time round. Hell I know I might not even realise I'm in active labour until it's time to push this baby/adolescent/juggernaught out. That's ok though. I'm confident I'll know enough at the right time. I'll be amazed if I make it to 40 weeks without significant action. And if I go over 40, well, I can deal with that when the time comes. I don't have any choice really.

Unless I'm DESPERATELY desperate, I won't be induced before time. It'll be SPD or other extreme discomfort that pushes me to induction. And I'm already there to be honest, and though I complain, I'm still dealing with it.

Things could be a whole lot worse. So I'm taking what little strength I have right now, and using it to remind myself that actually, things are kinda ok.
2 Responses
  1. Yay! I am glad you are feeling stronger - you're almost there!! ;-)


  2. Kelly Says:

    I'm glad to hear you're feeling better. I'm getting really excited for you!!

    willing to bet none of the things you're worried about will happen. I was SO worried about the epidural with Amanda (I know I am alllllways blah blah blahing about MY fucking experiences LOL) cuz with Cliff the epidural was brutal until they got it placed. Well I didn't get an epidural with Amanda. I didn't get a tylenol with amanda! LOL I barely got to get my clothes off the damn child was almost born into my pants! LOL

    so try to let go of your fears. I'm sure everything is going to be great. they aren't going to whisk your baby off for any long period of time. They'll lay that baby on you and suction him out and all that gooey stuff and then take him to weigh him and you won't even notice cuz you and Dave will be oohing and aahing and kissing and blah blah. and within a couple minutes that baby will be all yours.

    So now...go have that eggplant parm and get that bugger out! =)

    xo