UUURRRGGHHHHAAAAHHHAHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGUUUUURRGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH

Sometimes musicians suck. Sometimes music sucks (apart from when I sing Mr Sandman to Noah while he screams blue freaking murder). Sometimes musicians AND music sucks. Sometimes I love them both. Sometimes I wonder if I'm cut out to be a musician. Sometimes I wonder if I can be arsed with all the political bollocky-shit that goes with being a musician. Sometimes I think I'll quit it all and get out before it makes me want to slit my wrists. Sometimes I wonder if I'll fight the cause and keep going anyway. Sometimes I wonder if I'll stand my ground and be as shitty as other musicians. Sometimes I think I'm too nice. Sometimes I think I'm not good enough. Sometimes I know I'm not good enough. Sometimes I care. Sometimes I don't.

Today at the NCT meet up I got crowned "The Next Baby Whisperer".

Sometimes I just wonder what I might do.

Some of you readers keep in touch with me which is great, but it's nice if you leave a comment here too. ;o)

Noah had his 6 week check - all is grand. Major dry skin issues, but thankfully nothing a little Dream Cream can't fix.

I'm ok too, haven't thought much about my Old Friend in a while, even though Health Visitor and Dr#1 have both declared me high risk. I guess we'll see how it goes.

Noah pooped this morning. Nothing new, admittedly, only that he sounded like an old man passing a bowling ball, huffed and puffed, then went very quiet. Then my leg became very wet. We had our first official Code Brown, saturating him, me, the duvet, the towel he was sitting on, and the burpee beneath it. And yes, he was wearing a nappy, vest and babygrow. We actually contemplated taking a picture.


(Hi my name's J and I'm a Poop Addict.)

I did it! Oh my god I'm clean!! It's been days!! Weeks!! Maybe months!!!

Ok that's clearly an exaggeration, but it felt like it. I had a shower, without having to leave Noah in some other part of the house, washing as fast as possible in the hope that he wouldn't start screaming. So what did I do?

Well having been inspired by a shower we had at the weekend where D passed him to me after I washed, I tried the same idea but on my own.



Actually managed to get towels ready, get him showered (which he loves, I don't think I've ever heard a baby sigh contentedly whilst being pummeled with water), wrap him up, dry him off AND get myself showered. And lotioned.

He didn't seem to mind at all.

Obsessed mom #1 "Yeh my baby's 5 weeks old and rolls over all the time!"

Obsessed mom #2 "Ahw that's great! Well my baby is 1 week and already plays with toys!"

Obsessed mom #3 "Lovely! My little baby is 3 hours old and does quadratic equations!*"

Me "Yeh. Great. Noah frowns. A lot. Especially when he's pooping."

You know how you vow to try not to be competitive? Well I didn't see it coming from the other direction. The direction where you wonder whether your baby is disabled in some way because it hasn't moved out, started college and earned enough money to buy it's own house by the time it's 2. (months.)

To me he is obviously great. His feats are that he has this awesome pooping face, which includes a pout as well as a frown. He doesn't roll over but he can lift his head clear off the floor when he's on his front. He laughs, gurgles, coos and often marvels at the sounds he makes. If he's sitting propped up, he'll lift his arms as support and pull his back clear off the cushion to sit up. Unfortunately he obviously can't sit up yet and so topples sideways every time.

So maybe he isn't a Super Baby. I can live with that I think. But at least I know my baby is Super Cute, even when he is pooping.



*Do you remember doing those at school? Wasn't that something like x = -b plus or minus square root of b squared minus 4ac over 2a? What the fuck was that??

Congratulations to Amalah who is expecting her second in October :oD

Our good friend the Health Visitor came yesterday to deal with Noah etc. She did the usual exclamations -

"Oh My GOD you're not putting him on his belly to play are you?"

"I hope you're not carrying him around in that sling too often?"

"Don't let him try to stand up too often, it's bad for him you know..."

In my mind my fist meets her jaw and Noah gurgles. In reality I smile and nod dumbly and Noah pees on her scales.

Speaking of scales, last week Noah weighed in at 11lbs 15oz. It wasn't fab but we weren't complaining. Then apparently Noah got wind of the notion of putting on 7oz per week. So he decided to do that and play catch up. So this week he weighs 12lbs 13oz. Nearly a pound gain. Gotta admit, had to smirk to myself.

of the WOOOORRRRRRRRRRLD.

Well ok that's an exaggeration, but sometimes it feels like it. I am sitting at the pc, in the study, and as I type, with two hands, Noah is feeding. No, D isn’t giving him a bottle, he’s on Left Boob. Hands Free. No nipple condom in sight. Ahw man, it’s just legendary.

Needless to say I’m still pondering the return of my Old Friend, and wondering if it’s going to put in a strong reappearance. So I guess I haven’t championed That Issue yet. I feel a little bad as a friend of mine who goes waaaaaaay back with the same issues gave birth recently and is dealing with her Old Friend. I’m quite paranoid that I haven’t heard from her and I know she’s having a hard time. Thinking back to how I was, I actually wonder what I can do for her. I always felt that nothing helped me and that was frustrating in itself.

D and I ventured out for Valentine’s Day, Nana babysat. We went to our favourite restaurant Simpsons and had the Valentine’s Taster Menu with accompanying wines. I swear my taste buds about died and went to heaven, we hadn’t been there since before Noah.

And to add to that, I’d expressed enough milk and stored it thanks to the joys of Lansinoh Breast Milk Storage Bags which are strongly recommended. Isn’t it ironic that I took out enough milk to last him eight hours and he pretty much slept the whole time…

I met up with the other NCT Antenatal girls last week and felt surprisingly intimidated – they’re all looking gorgeous and skinny, I swear they could be the nicest WAGS you’d ever met, and they ARE so lovely. We’re meeting again tomorrow, and I’m hoping to lose about 20lbs by then. Hmmmm.

Noah, of course, is a champion too. He has bad wind which is hilarious but not when he grunts all night. Infacol is a lifesaver. But he is a legend. In his own, many special ways.

(Cue string of pictures...)

Can someone please tell me why, when I finally get the chance to post, I type loads, and then Blogger decides it not only doesn't want to save my post, but chooses to log me out too?

I think I may have had enough. I truly suck at this, and I'm breaking down. Yeh I have good days, but Christ the bad days suck. And now I'm at the mommy bashing stage, where I swear to Lucifer I cannot do anything right. I can't seem to feed him without making a hash of it. He cries with me so often and then D picks him up and he settles instantly (this actually frigging happened 2 nights ago - I was mighty pissed). All I seem to be able to do is (eventually) give him food and carry him around in a desperate attempt to stop him crying.

I suck.

Yeah...Noah doesn't like beer.

in which to tell you everything that's been happening so far and so i'm not going to bother with grammar or punctuation or digressing and stuff and so Noah is now over a month old and omg where the hell has the time gone he chews my nipples raw on a daily basis but i have finally stoped crying through feeds thanks to the joy of nipple shields which are now my best friend and what's really lovely is that Noah now smiles at me quite often after a feed and when he's playing and omg not sure i should admit this but yesterday i bit his finger by accident and i'll never forget the horrified look on his face and and jesus am i a bad mother i often wonder if there's a website called badmothers.com probably is but i'll bet it's a porn site and noah has started sleeping through the night from time to time which is awesome but it often comes at a price in that i can spend up to three hours putting his dummy back in his mouth because he thinks it's hilarious to keep spitting it out and then wanting it again but apparently that's what makes life fun what's really great is taking a kabillion pics on your phone everytime your child even moves it's head and then you take a billion more in case the first kabillion didn't work ad admittedly i've been typing longer than 30 seconds but the boy is still asleep and so i'm taking advantage and did you know i'm still able to poop it's a great feeling but i know most of you take it for granted but anyway and nana came round a few days ago and nearly drove me insane but bless her i know she's all excited but for the love of god will you please just let me change the boy's nappy and stop being in my face and his before one of us commits a murder but i can't complain she gets to see her grandson and i get to eat ahh what a luxury and now i'm wondering if i can afford to put in a full stop or maybe even a capital letter maybe but not just yet but before i forget at some point you will have to get passport pictures taken of your baby and should you choose to do so you would be strongly advised to go to a specialist shop and not to a passport booth like i tried to do and then realised that i could not be in the picture and soo how the frigging hell am i supposed to get noah on the shot upright and close enough and not screaming and press the damn frigging button only to discover that 3 attempts 12 pounds and several days later the pictures aren't suitable and so you're going to have to get them done at a specialist shop anyway for the love of sweet god but anyway it's quite clearly time for far to many pictures to bore you with because for crying out loud i have quite possibly the most gorgeous baby known to man and i couldn't give a flying monkey testicle what anyone else thinks.