Everyone has one. Even those who say they don't have one, they sooooo have one, and the more they deny, the more likely it's laminated and framed.

For those of you wondering what the fuck, I'm talking about, it's something people (often couples) do, where you each get to pick five different celebrities that you can sleep with, and the other one can't get mad. I originally discovered it on an episode of Friends. It changed my life.

Whilst I'm aware of D's Top 5, and approve highly (the man has
excellent, excellent taste), it occurred to me I hadn't sorted out my own. Whilst I've seen AWESOME Hot or Not contributions in the blogosphere (incidentally you have to click that link; it's a wicked blog and that post is particularly tasty), and others have contributed to it, I began to realise I don't have a Top 5.


This is a crime in itself. I have a sort of top three-and-a-half, which obviously doesn't quite cut it, and is quite poor in fact. So I sat and had a thought about who would be in my Top 5, in no particular order:

1. Gordon Ramsay, International Michelin Star Chef

Ok. I know. I know, I know. You're all, "But he's a fucking arrogant fucker! And his chin is dented! And swears way too fucking much! And did you see his chin!!! And the bastard cannot get over himself! And fuck me, THE CHIN!!"

I couldn't give a monkey's. He's rugged. He's sexy. He is HOT. And not just hot, but DIRTY hot. Like, "If you wear that short skirt to dinner, you will have a good time with me" kind of hot. "I will probably try to do obscene things and most likely stare at your boobs" kind of hot. And the arrogance to go with it.

Because let's face it, he's hardly going to leave you half satisfied, is he? No.

He's going to make sure he does the job properly. And then will want to do it again, just to be sure.

And then, probably again, just to prove a point.

2. James Spader, American Actor

My first encounter with this fine piece of Man was when I happened to watch Secretary on tv. I wasn't impacted by is looks, but quite like the fact that he was a bit of a slut.

And then...omg and then came Boston Legal which sparked another sordid affair with myself and a dirty slut of a bloke, Alan Shore, James' character in the show.

Alan spends most of his time being the guy in an office who you try to avoid, because he'll letch all over you in a heartbeat. And much like Mr Ramsay, take any opportunity to try and have his dirty wicked way with you.

This guy? Does the best. Smut. EVER. And quite frankly, I often can't get enough smut; it's just awesome.

You thought I was bad? What, with repeated cockotations on twitter, and my boobs out in the ethos?

No. Go have another look at "smut" in your dictionary. It says "Alan Shore" (some dictionary's still say my name, but that's ok). And smutty is good. I'd like to see how long it would take him to break me. As soon as he did, I'd return the favour. Heh.

3. "Noted Fashion Photographer" Nigel Barker (Also panel judge on America's Next Top Model)

Quite possibly, one of the prettiest men I have EVER. SEEN. Like, this man should be put in a glass cabinet and kept next to my bed put in a museum for all to drool over.

And there's something about him. I totally imagine him to be a bit letchy, a bit dirty, a bit smutty (can you sense a theme here?). I've watched him on ANTM and seen him drool over some of the models...it's totally inappropriate, but who the hell cares?

He is HOT.

Sorry, he is HAWT.

And that's pretty much all there is that I need with him. I mean, sitting around making polite conversation will be the LAST thing on my mind.



But here, we reach a problem. I only have 3, which doesn't work for a Top 5, obviously. Clearly I'm all about the dirty dirtiness that is filth, with a dash shit load of smut. And I totally understand that my preferences are most definitely not palatable with others. And vice versa. But I'm open minded!!

So who's on your list?
25 Responses
  1. Chrissie Says:

    I've got a thing for Ramsay as well. Not sure what the 'fuck' it is!

  2. Heather Says:

    Same here with Ramsey, not sure what that's all about. Maybe it's the arrogance? David Tennant hits my list as well, and no, I don't know why. He shouldn't it makes no sense but there you go.

  3. Gappy Says:

    You do realise that I'm starting to really question your sanity... hee hee.

  4. queeneileen Says:

    Yum yum yum @ 2 and 3.

    I couldn't possibly suggest another 2, purely because my list is too long and I couldn't cut it down to 2 ;)

  5. Lorna Byrne Says:

    I feel the need for a cold shower after what you wrote about Gordon Ramsay! Just thinking about it is making me feel quite breathless! Not good for my heart, it really isn't! I've always thought he was HOT.

  6. Anonymous Says:

    Yep, rugged arrogant powerful types do it for me. Especially if they're a little bit smutty...

  7. James Spader? Just no.

    Nigel Barker and Gordon I can see why.

    Hmm will have to think about my top 5 now ... for the rest of the evening and get back to you.

  8. Ramsay - Hmmmm, his ego would irk me, but I can see why the whole power thing is sexy.

    Spader - Peaked in the 80's. Not. Ever.

    Nigel Barker - Smarmy but sexy. Loves the mirror more than he ever could any woman.


    P.S thanks for the linky and lovely words *blushes* xxx

  9. Every single one of those men I looked and went 'Eh?', and then 'Oh, ooh, yeah!'. Apart from James Spader. Maybe I'd need to see him not wearing a suit, and perhaps being married to a lawyer doesn't help.

  10. notSupermum Says:

    Have you seen James Spader in Sex, Lies and Videotape....? Dirty boy.

    And Gordon Ramsay? No, just no.

  11. The others I could do without, but you are right on about Gordon Ramsay. I bet he is an awesome lay.

  12. Hmmmm mine would have to be in no particular order...

    Gina Gershon - Yeah so she's getting on a bit now, but I reckon she's pure filth
    Angelina Jolie - Pretty much the same as above
    Megan Fox - I can watch geeky shit like Transformers, and look at an Angelina Jolie clone
    Kate Beckinsale - Underworld 1 & 2, need I say more?
    Zooey Deschanel - OMG How cute & kooky is she?

    But to be fair, any of them could be trumped by a woman with red hair, boots, healthy bank balance, and lack of gag reflex, famous or not.

  13. oh good call on Nigel Barker, I agree, HAWT as hell :)

    Mine are: Robbie Williams, Johnny Depp, Alex James (ex-Blur Bass Player), David Tennant & Paul Smith (as in the singer from maximo Park - not the designer!)


  14. Susie Says:

    LOL at this post. Where is Simon Cowell???? *hides her head in shame whilst admitting to it*

  15. Dan Says:

    I have odd taste

    Serena Williams
    Virginia Madsen
    Julie Graham
    Minnie Driver
    The Belgian tennis player who used to go out with Lleyton Hewitt

  16. My list would have to be:Orlando Bloom, Gavin Rossdale, Alexander Skarsgard, James Franco, and Andrew Lee Potts!!! Ahhhh I feel better now!! LOL

  17. queeneileen Says:

    Ooooooh G'wan then.

    Josh Homme
    Dave Grohl
    Giles Coren
    David Tennant
    Jonathan Rhys-Meyers

    You can also stick Johnny Depp, Noel Fielding and Eddie Izzard in there somewhere. They can tagteam or something.

  18. Rozzibee Says:

    Hmmm, my 5 would have to be

    1 - Matthew Fox
    2 - Jude Law (I don't know why!)
    3 - Shemar Moore
    4 - Doug Savant
    5 - Danny Wallace

  19. I wholeheartedly agree with all three of these. I didn't use to like Ramsay, but then I had a filthy dream about him which put me in awe of his mad skillz.
    James Spader is hawt, but I'm wondering if it's wrong that I find him at his most attractive when he's degrading Maggie Gyllenhall?
    Ah, Nigel Barker. I agree that he has a small element of perv about him, but he is quite pretty.

    A personal addition to this list would be Damian Lewis - although all my friends dismiss him as "a big ginge".

  20. Cassandra Says:

    Took me AGES to think of these...

    After getting past the whole 'I think movie stars from the 60s (Marlon Brando, Paul Newman, Robert Redford) are HOT' thing... first I had 3, then 3 and a half, then 4 and a half, then another half... So even though its 6 really, two of them are only halves, so thats ok... right? ;)

    1) Jonny Wilkinson - I would have said him 5 times but that would have been sad and stalker like...
    2) Pierce Brosnan - Still find the Thomas Crown affair (remake) one of the sexiest things ever.
    3) Daniel Craig - Those eyes, that jaw and THAT boby... y.u.m.
    4) Jude Law - even with the slightly receding hair, and being a little puny looking at times, having seen him up close (ish) he is stunning, and beautiful eyes (again)
    Then I got a bit unstuck, because its all about the eyes and they have to be blue or green and beautiful. But these two have brown eyes - HOT but brown eyes. So they get a half each ;)
    5 (4.5) Michael Landes - Was ultra sexy (even with brown eyes) in Material Girl.
    6 (5) David Boreanaz - Loved him in Buffy, loved him in Angel, loved him in Bones. Love his body. Damn his brown eyes ;)

    It is possible I thought about this a little TOO much.... ;)

  21. Anonymous Says:

    Nice :D - now to wander off and try and work out mine....

  22. Anonymous Says:

    I, too, am questioning your sanity at this point. Thank goodness there were only three, I was wary of who was to follow as I read down your list!

  23. Ramsey - NO

    Spader - DEFINITELY NOT!

    Barker - omg, YES, YES, YES!!!

    *collapses in a pool of womanly fluids*

    Robbie Williams - I can take him or leave him... I sway between thinking he's a god and not liking him at all.

    Ant McPartlan (the one on the left of Ant & Dec) - oh yes.

    Simon Le Bon - has got better with age.

    Larry Lamb - he's the only older man that does it for me.

    and I always leave a free space on my list for anyone that might come along ;-)

  24. Anonymous Says:

    I have a very short list of celebs I would hop in the sack with anytime...anywhere...and the one and only man on my list is on yours: James Spader

    He is my one and only. The man was absolutely beautiful in his youth...just gorgeous, and he still has a sexiness about him. I have seen him a couple of times on the street recently in NYC and the man is sexy. He just gives off a vibe...yum! I saw him on Broadway in December and he was great in the play, but much cuter in person when he was out of make-up.

  25. Suki-Lou Says:

    Excellent post..

    Though James Spader would have to go and be replaced with Matthew McConaughey, who has the hottest accent ever!

    Next on my list would definitely be Alexander Skarsgard as Vampire Eric (True Blood) and Sgt Brad Colbert (Generation Kill) - yum!! So that is no.4 & 5 sorted then!