@cosmicgirlie
There are lovely people. There are kick ass people. There are fucking WICKED people. I love them. All.

I know many of them (now my very good friends) through different sources; lately it's mostly through twitter and blogging. I'm not even going to name them all, because with my superior skills, I'm likely to forget them all as soon as I'd start trying to remember.

But I think there are many out there who should understand the qualities in these people that make them fucking awesome. And one of the first things? That strikes a chord with me? Is that those people LISTEN. They HEAR me when I have something to say. They don't come and crap all over me with their own stuff, and completely disregard what the fuck I just said. They realise that the moment isn't about them, it's about ME. Because I happen to be the one talking about MY problems, and if you ask ME how I am, then I'm going to tell you.

Don't get me wrong. Of course I will listen to you if you want to talk to me. I will ALWAYS listen to you if you want to talk to me. But sometimes, it just doesn't hurt to return the favour. Shut the fuck up, and listen to what I'm saying. It's great that you have something to relate to me, that's fab. But it helps if you HEAR me.

Another thing that makes these people lovely? They appreciate who I am, without forcing me to be something/someone else. If I want to act slutty on twitter? Then I will do. If I want to be all soppy mother type in my blog? Then I will do. If I want to be all manic depressive (and I'm not saying I am manic depressive, but someone mentioned that's what I seem like at times, which is fine)? Then it's gonna fucking happen. And if I want to swear? A lot? And say things like cunting motherfucker? Or fucking cock sucker? And I don't care what you think. I'm going to say it.

I'm tired of being the chameleon to fit in with the right people. There are too many people out there who don't know who I actually am, because I spend all my time trying to please everyone. I've been described as a "social chameleon". And when I realised that's exactly what sort of person I am, it was a serious eye-opener as to why I often feel so shit. Why I don't know who the fuck I am.

Sure there are a lot of sides to me. But if you don't like them? Then you don't have to stick around. Go away. If you do stick around? Deal with it. If you don't approve? Fine. Hell, you're welcome to tell me. I'll listen. But what I choose to do with your assvice, is my decision.

I try not to ask a whole lot. But those are some things that are important to me. I recently did a "Friends" Cull and Lockdown on facebook. It was one of the most satisfying things I've done in a while. I got rid of people who just don't belong in my life. Who haven't got a fucking clue who I am. I put people on lockdown who I don't mind having around, but could do without feeling like I have to work that little bit harder and be someone who I don't want to be, to be their friend.

It sounds like I'm asking a lot. I appreciate that a person perhaps shouldn't have to have "criteria" to be a friend. But I'm sick of being shat on, and being nobody in particular. So I'm taking steps to be somebody. And I'll make as many changes as I need to.
6 Responses
  1. mommaruth Says:

    'ASSvice'

    I *heart* you, woman.

    You are mother, hear you blog!!!


  2. Kat Says:

    Sometimes it is a good thing to break up with "friends". Very healthy. You live, you learn, you move on.


  3. pipper Says:

    Wow. This post really hit home with me. Thanks so much for sharing it.

    My moods change with the wind, you never know what kind of mood I'm gonna be in and if you can't handle it, then fine. Go away. (not *YOU* go away, I mean you in the general terms, LOL)

    Just like the song says:

    I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
    I'm a child, I'm a mother
    I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
    I do not feel ashamed
    I'm your hell, I'm your dream
    I'm nothing in between
    You know you wouldn't want it any other way

    So take me as I am
    This may mean
    You'll have to be a stronger man
    Rest assured that
    When I start to make you nervous
    And I'm going to extremes
    Tomorrow I will change
    And today won't mean a thing


  4. You had me at "cunting mother fucker"


  5. drolgerg Says:

    Yeah, really important to be who you are (unless you're a serial killer, in which case you probably shouldn't). But you can't *be* who you are if you don't *know* who are, & I think a lot us don't, as we avoid reality. Think you're spot on with this being a source of unhappiness, & even mental illness. Really good post!

    btw, Jennifer Juniper - that really made me laugh :)


  6. @mommaruth RAWRRRRRRR. Right? Right. ;)

    @Kat Totally agree. No point tagging along if it's not doing anyone any favours.

    @pipper I've never been one for lyrics, and stupidly I couldn't figure out why I loved this song. Put here, it makes perfect sense. Thank you.

    @Jennifer Juniper I've wanted to say it for some time; I feel oddly liberated. I'm glad you like, I URGE you to try the same ;)

    @drolgerg Thank you very much! As I wade through the various issues I'm dealing with, identity and sense of self seem to crop up a lot. I hope other people in a similar situation are able to take a step back to look at themselves and see what's really going on.

    And yes, Jennifer Juniper made me laugh too :D