Dear Annabel

I would like to congratulate you on the success of your many books regarding children, food and eating habits. It would seem you are immensely successful and popular with many children and parents alike, and that of course is a wonderful thing.

However, I think it is very important that you appreciate the other side of the flip coin that you have created. The one that makes stressy, determined mothers like myself into really horrible stabby people.

It is NOT ok to patronise me with your sickly-annoying, award-winning smile and comments like "all wonderful children love my cheese, tofu and sauerkraut casserole!" and also, "you need to make sure your child eats plenty of healthy, healthy, healthy, all day every day - no junk for your little dah-lings!"

Whilst I bust my ass making your chicken and apple balls, which in all fairness are quite tasty, you should know that according to your standards, my skills as a mother and my children's diets rank very high on the EPIC FAIL scale. It doesn't matter which way you put it, my child WILL. NOT. EAT. THE. FOOD. And so therefore, you are obviously suggesting there is something desperately wrong with my child. Obviously.

My oldest son, whom I obviously think is the most precious child on Earth, when he's not behaving like Satan's right hand man most of the time, will not eat your food. I give him chicken and apple balls with tomato sauce; he will lick all the tomato sauce. He will in fact, drink the tomato. Not your tomato sauce, I hasten to add, no, no. He will not eat meat. He will not eat vegetables. He will not eat your chicken and apple balls.

He will eat bread. And breadsticks. And, uh, fruit. Lots of fruit. With breadsticks. And sometimes, at breakfast, he will eat cereal. With fruit. And breadsticks.

Anyway!! My point is, he will not eat your food. So deal with it. You are not that powerful; you have no hold over my children. If you would like to contact me to discuss how you are going to deal with this, it would be very much appreciated.

Much love, your biggest fan,

J. xoxo *kissies!* oxox

PS Seriously, those chicken and apple balls are yummy, where did you get that idea?
2 Responses
  1. Kelly Says:

    first, I was like "What?!" because my maiden name is Harmel and my nickname is Kelly Karmel!
    then I figured out this had nothing to do with me, as I have to figure out so often in every day life, and I cracked up.
    I hate those condescening "my kids eat tofu and brussel sprouts and are vegans by choice" people.

    My children eat cheetos and corn flakes and ice cream and hot dogs.
    whatever people! doin the best we can here!

  2. Mary Says: