Yesterday, he napped for a total approximately 40 minutes. The whole day. The. WHOLE. DAY.

Yesterday, Noah did not nap. At all. AT. ALL. NOT. NAP.

N.O.T. N.A.P.

And you know what? Add that to feeling like utter fucking shit because you woke at some obscene hour of the morning because of other people fussing and snoring and the fact that your stomach is EMPTY because eating is somehow ILLEGAL within 2 weeks of having had food poisoning and omffgggfggfgggggggggggg.

Isaac struggles to nap now because he's popping 2 teeth. Yes two, because if you remember, my children don't do shit by halves. And whilst that might sound like a proud mother statement, it's actually a "Oh fuck and woe is me what the hell am I supposed to do with this shit" statement.

And also? The climbing. Oh my god, the climbing people. As I just typed that last, he's just stood up in his travel cot, fell over and is now wailing. Again. And I? Am ignoring. It's padded. He's ok.

Honestly.

So. Here's an interesting question, how the fuck do you discipline a 6 month old to fucking stop being some crazy super hero child and go to fucking sleep already?

And, really, you're going to make me go through the whole "Hey mom, I just crawled out my cot with the sides still up and I'm only a fetus, now you need to go trawl the internets looking for some crazy contraption to keep me contained which you know will totally not work and by the time you do find something I'll be some kind of fully grown adult anyway oh wait you blinked now I am a fully grown adult and by the way you are so totally fucked."

Hmm.

He seems to have gone to sleep.

Gonna stop typing now.

*shhh*

Instead, at about 12:12pm, I agreed to a Subway Sub which I happily wolfed down. It's my fave.

And at about 4pm when I felt bloated to hell and incredibly tired, it was still my fave but I sure as hell wasn't hungry. And I still planned to blog.

And THEN, at about 7:30 when I was desperately trying to finish de-bearding and cleaning the mussels we were going to have for tea, I figured the post was going shit out the window when I spent the next 4 hours barfing up the entire contents of my stomach.

You know what really sucks? When your gut is convulsing so much, even though it is completely empty (and I mean, completely empty) that you can't even speak.

Today I have spent most of the day trying to move off the sofa. Without ralphing. And this is all I have to offer you.

What a fucking day.

I'm doing them slowly, but I'm trying. So uh, the next change is...

Ok, I'm gonna kinda be brave, and uh...

Umm...ok I'm going to...

...um be a little more...

...brave. Or um, outspoken. Or something.

Ok, it's kind of like this. I used to pride myself on my honesty. I never had time for people who talked crap all the time. And I found it difficult to be around weak-willed people, because I wanted them to be stronger, to stand up for what they believe(d) in.

I always did it. I rarely took bullshit, and I loved that about me. I stood up for myself, and without being arrogant, in-yo-face, bitch-you-don'-know-watch-choo-talkin'-bout, I made it clear what my beliefs were if I disagreed with someone. At the same time, I was always gracious in accepting other people's thoughts too.

But it got lost somewhere along the way. I got lost somewhere along the way. And one of the things that's plaguing me IMMENSELY (i.e. making me feel very fucked off on a daily basis) is the fact that I seem to let people walk all over me, trample down my thoughts and opinions, and then defend them (the person) for whatever reason.

And even more stupidly, I find myself saying crap like "no I won't say anything back, because it's not important, I'll get over it, I'll save that for when I really need to defend myself, bullshit bullshit and blah blah blah."

Well? That's just bullshit.

Lots of people have pissed me off lately, some know who are they, and some don't. Lot's of people pissed me off severely, in the last 5 years. Most don't know who they are but perhaps have an idea. And in most cases, I fought back a bit, and then left it. At the time I thought they were battles that just weren't worth fighting. But the fact is, any battle is worth fighting if it means enough.

That's not to say I'm suddenly going to turn into Queen Bitch-O-Rama in the Land of the Anal and Arrogant. I've met people like that, and I can safely say at the moment, I have a very strong dislike for them. I still do. But I let those battles go, because like I said, I thought it was better to pick the appropriate battle.

But I AM fast losing my identity, and I need to stand up and remind people that actually, I am here, you should listen to me when we have a conversation (because conversations go two-ways you know), and I do have an opinion that counts as much as anybody else's, whether you agree with it or not.

I write this blog because it is my place to vent. It is MY place to be ME. You are all invited to read, comment, send me messages, whatever. But if you strongly disagree with what you see and/or saw on this blog, well. Don't say you weren't warned. Because I'm hoping it's about to start getting a little bit more real around here.

Um, hopefully, maybe.