This week, and next week, the Nanny is on holiday. I was planning on spending the first week sobbing helplessly at my crap skills being a mom of two. I also expect to spend some time feeling considerably overwhelmed with it all, and hating myself and all my inabilities by the end of, say, Tuesday.
I'm not exactly scared, as it were, but I have an awful lot of self-doubt. Now I know there are literally millions of moms out there who deal with two or more children every single day, on their own, and they get on with it and do a fab job.
I often feel pathetic and useless. I get so frustrated as soon as the shit starts to hit the fan, and sometimes it's all I can do to stop myself from putting the boys somewhere safe in the house and going to sit in the car to just cry for a while.
As ever, I just want to do the best for them. But I know things won't always run smoothly. I know more often than not, the shit will (most probably and quite literally) hit the fan. Noah has been vile for the last few days; and he's had a cough (again) for coming up just over three weeks. It's driving us all nuts, including him. He's tired, he's cranky, his eating is completely out the frigging window (and there's a whole other post) and yet you can see the frustration in the way he's being. Oddly enough, I truly believe he doesn't want to be thoroughly unpleasant. And incidentally, he's still got one more molar to come through before his mouth starts to look anything like normal again.
I knew things wouldn't be easy having two very demanding children. Isaac behaves very much like Noah did, having only very short (and few) cat naps of around 10 - 20 minutes, and his longest nap is usually just as Noah's getting up from his nap. Of course I didn't expect them to be synced together; for me that's ridiculous wishful thinking. But he's also very much the "upright" kid. He normally sleeps on his front but has taken to rolling on his back at every opportunity, and has only just figured out rolling onto his front again. And getting him to sleep is interesting, given that there is just TOO MUCH going on in the world. Too. Frigging. Much.
I'm hoping to get out the house every day if I can. I've been having tons of physio for my hip and pelvis and it's working amazingly (thank GOD) and having had an MRI scan last week, we should hopefully see some clear indications of what else can be done. So mobility-wise, I'm getting somewhere (pun intended).
Meh. I suspect I'll have died by Wednesday.