Tomorrow I'm booked in for a massage and accupressure. Yeeah.

I'm still pregnant. Yeeah.

You know perfectly well if there's any action in the next 24/48 hours, I will let you know. Fo Sho!

A PEA NUU EYA!!

Week: 39+2 days
Month: 10 (Jesus Christ on a parmesan and poppy seed cracker)
Trimester: 3
Fetus Age: 37 weeks (it'll be ready for college when it comes out)
Fetal Heartbeat: Still there thank the lord
Size: Much too long
Time to go: 5 days (HAH! Not even due date yet)
Full Term: 16 days ago
Days til New Year: 3 days (urhm...)

Haha yeh I'm still pregnant.

Still spotting, still power walking round Sainsburys, still cramping etc etc...in fact, just so I remember, pre-labour seems to consist of many of the following:

~ Spotting
~ Cramping
~ Nausea
~ Dizziness
~ Crazy Braxton Hicks
~ Back ache
~ Nesting
~ Desperation
~ The need to kill someone/something
~ more that I just can't remember right now

The end of pregnancy is something that no woman should have to go through. In fact, we should be put to sleep until it's born, and this should happen at around 36 weeks, just before that moment when you realise that it's no longer fun, but in fact your crotch is permanently on fire, you're desperate for alcohol and that heartburn DOES in fact plague you day and night.

And people. People people people. What is with this 'are you a mum yet?' 'Have you had it yet?' 'Are you still pregnant?'

Well yes I've had it, I just forgot about it, you know? Did I forget to mention that I pushed a frigging melon the same weight as a bowling ball out of my Mary Jane? Did I not tell you that this belly I have is in fact just excess fat left over from Xmas Dinner?* You dumb asses, YES I'm still preggo and I will TELL YOU when I've had the goddamn baby so STOP HARASSING ME. Cos you know, enough pressure already.

My latest trick? (Cos there's always at least one...) I drink something, and then burp it straight back up. It doesn't even taste acidic because it didn't even get that far. I get to drink everything twice.

Awesome.

*Ham and parmesan salad to start, whole salmon stuffed with spinach, spring onions and mozarella for mains and xmas pud for desert. Ohhhhhhhh yehhhhhhhh.

Dammit. Useless pointless goddamn contractions and spotting that amount to shit all.

And so, we wait.

Week: 38+2 days
Month: 9
Trimester: 3
Fetus Age: 36 weeks
Fetal Heartbeat: Er, yes
Size: Lengthy
Time to go: 11 days
Full Term: 9 days ago
Days til xmas: 3 days (shit)

And I don't mean Spot the Dog. So, the only other alternative would be me. Spotting. And lots of it. D and I went to Sainsburys this morning (at 8am no less. "manic laughter") and finished the Christmas food shopping. As usual, Mocha decided that if I'm walking, it's gonna try walking too (on my ribs). Not a problem quite used to that now. Even impressed myself on the speed in which we got round the shop (done within the hour).*

Got back, went to the loo, spotting. Right there. Hoorah! And Oh shit, I said. D had a look! Hoorah! And Oh shit, what do we do now? He said. Isn't it funny that for all my arrogant research, everything flies out my head when the shit starts to hit the fan. I called mum, let her know what's going on, and left it at that. What else can I do? Go and finish wrapping D's presents (thank you SOOOO much Anthony and Darren, your timing is impeccable). So I did, went to the loo again 2 hours later.

More spotting.

I'm not panicking about the immenent birth of the child, I'm panicking in case something's going wrong and the buggers try to send me to hospital. Mocha is still moving absolutely fine, my back has a dull ache to it and the BH are still going strong. I feel fine. Tired of course, mild cramping, back ache, swollen feet and dry skin**, but otherwise fine. Heh.

I'm thinking I'd like to NOT be pushing on Xmas day. Yes I know, I have no choice in the matter blah blah blah, but an Xmas day baby? Please, come on. Poor child. I'd have it's birthday changed by default (is that even allowed?)

The house is actually ready now. Mocha's room all complete (including the outrageously cute clothes bought for it by Uncle K from Baby Gap - good lord I almost dribbled on them) - two coats (winter and summer), Converse All Star Hi-Tops and a bodysuit (in blue). This child is gonna be so spoilt. But that's ok.

The lounge is all moved around and MW#2 has left her bag of fun tricks ready for delivery. I was gutted to discover there was no gas and air in there! That could've been fun, hehe!

Had a few major cleaning outbursts over the last week, promptly followed by passing out on the sofa. Hey, don't judge me. I sleep easier in the day. And at least I'm cleaning! You'd normally have to put a bomb under me to get me to do that stuff...

Here's a question: Can a cat tell when you might be going into labour soon?

I have to say, I never thought about how much this spotting would bother me, mainly I think because I haven't 'spotted' onto a pad since the miscarriage in Feb. So I guess that's the only association I have with it... and I guess it's a bit of a freak out.

Anyhoo.

Guess I'll be on the loo every two hours (cos you know, there's something new...)

* If you're ever shopping and the place is full of stupid whores, put random items in their trollies, or even just walk off with their trolley when they're not looking. Omg so funny.

** No stretch marks yet bitches, Haaaaaaaa!!!! ***

*** I'll regret I said that.

Week: 36+6 days
Month: 9
Trimester: 3
Fetus Age: 35 weeks
Fetal Heartbeat: Ummm...
Size: Long
Time to go: 22 days
Full Term: 1 day
Days til xmas: 13 days (heh)

Complete! COMPLETE!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!!! COOOOOOOMPLEEEEEEEEEEEETE!



And finally...





And while we're on the subject of finally frigging finished;



New and (drastically) improved:



Fabulous. So so very fabulous.

And also:



This was a LOT of fun, but now I just need to decide how to paint it...we're thinking of hanging it on one of the walls in the nursery (as a pleasant reminder...) so I guess I'll go for the same neutral colours. I also need to clean the bathroom. Again.

I'm still intrigued by the regularity of these BH, they're there pretty much one on top of the other a lot of the time now. They still don't hurt, and the only real pain is my ass-bone which I think Mocha is using as a crude pillow, and the odd backache and lower abdomen ache. None of which is anything to write home about. Whatever. As long as nothing happens before tomorrow then I don't care.

Having a fabulous time with indigestion these days - I particularly love the whole thing about 'following through' on a belch, coughing on that teeny bit of barf in my mouth, then hoping and praying to DEAR GOD that I wouldn't actually spew. And especially when you're already sat on the loo having a wee and wondering whether you could cleanly projectile vomit as far as the sink.

Because that's just hassle I can do without. Thankfully I discovered sleeping bent at a 45 degree angle in bed, along with the worlds largest pillow seems to help immensely, despite not appearing to be very comfortable. Seriously? When sleep escapes you? You take any damn position you can get.

D and I went to see The Nutcracker at the Hippodrome last night - OMG it was awesome. Scenery, dancing, costumes - it was all amazing!! I think Mocha enjoyed it too, and was particularly fidgety during Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy...damn that foot attacking my right hand side (future ballet dancer?). I have to say it made a nice treat for me, knowing that it was going to be a while until I'd get to do something like that again. Certainly not before Mocha's born anyway. Gotta say, LA is a legend for organizing those tickets as a prize at the CEE ball. BRILLIANT!!

The Carpal Tunnel thing is a little scary now. I can't bend my fingers at all in the mornings, and my hands are pretty much useless throughout the whole day. Then it'll get to about 9, maybe 10 o clock PM when I can start to move them. Then I fall asleep. And we're back to square one! I've ordered some wrist splints to try out over night in the hope that they're not so crap in the mornings, because it's getting quite frustrating asking D to open bottles and jars for me all the time. And needless to say, typing is becoming interesting. Apparently my feet are a little swollen too, but I haven't seem them in a while so couldn't comment.

I don't need to say much about the next pic, apart from many thanks to Darren and Anthony at Your Big Day Photography

Week: 36+0 days
Month: 9
Trimester: 3
Fetus Age: 34 weeks
Fetal Heartbeat: Ummm...
Size: Long
Time to go: 27 days
Full Term: 6 days

HAH I had record Braxton Hicks the other night. I managed every 10 minutes for about an hour and a half. Amazingly I sat calm only because they didn't hurt. Mocha fidgeted as usual. D freaked out when he realised what I was timing on my phone. Needless to say, they amounted to nothing which was of course fine with me; I have absolutely no intention of this baby coming out before next week Thursday. Anytime after then is fine, but after Saturday 15th might be even better because at least then MW#2 will have dropped off her box of goodies.

Internet: Ahw look at you, talking like you know exactly when your baby is gonna come. Stupid naieve whore...

Me: *holds up three fingers* Pick one.

I know I can't predict, it's the dumbest thing to try and predict. I know that. But there's no way on this planet I'm having it before next Thursday. Because then it'll premature, and we're not going down that road...

D has landed a job working from home 3 days a week - I'm so over the moon for him. Especially as he's significantly struggling to even leave the house before Mocha's born...! But anyway, I think he starts it next week and hopefully, he'll be able to actually do the work...we'll see...

Mocha has a new trick, it's hilarious. (Detect very dry sarcasm.) A little bottom and foot sticks out the front of my belly whilst simultaneously a foot sticks out my side, narrowly missing rib cage. 30 seconds later, they'll disappear. Then reappear. Then disappear. You get the gist.

People keep asking if the movements have slowed down/reduced yet. Um, hell no. It probably doesn't help drinking gallons of fruit juice (Shuttup, I need the vitamin C...). And I'm wondering if Mocha is gonna be one of those babies that just never sleeps. If that's the case then I honestly don't mind, but if it's accompanied with endless crying, I shall be thoroughly pissed.

I cannot be held responsible for the sudden murder of my noisey neighbours.

Here's something interesting (or perhaps utterly boring) - I have a new phone. It's a Samsung G600 and while I've been a Sony Ericsson lover since the T610 (5 years ago???) it was a hell of a step to switch. The fun part came this morning when I tried to do my weekly belly pic, and suddenly realised I didn't know how to hold the phone, taking a picture of my hand instead. Dear god. But still, it does the job, and I can go back to the K800i should I become utterly desperate.

I've been wondering why my left boob has been so itchy since I put my clothes on this morning. I finally just shoved my hand in the bra wondering if I'd dropped food crumbs in there - and found a £10 note I'd shoved in there. I'd taken it out my jeans this morning to go in the wash but didn't have my purse to hand. Jesus Christ on a cracker in a blanket.

It's the Hollywood All Stars Xmas Bash this weekend, an evening full of...um, crap. A pathetic comedian, a very dull band that plays nothing but horrific covers, and a small plate of questionable cold finger buffet food.

D and I will also be having an Xmas Bash this weekend, only we're using the money for our tickets to go shopping for our own FABULOUS buffet food, and plan on doing nothing but stupid stuff all day. Including watching stupid films, making crazy cocktails (non alcoholic of course for me) and playing mad games.

Oh, and of course playing music as loudly as possible (including all questionable tracks from my Christmas list, such as Who Put the Stump, Chipmunks Roasting on an Open Fire, Walking Round in Women's Underwear and anything by John Denver and the Muppets.


MUMS Just in case you wanted to know.

Week: 35+4 days
Month: 9
Trimester: 3
Fetus Age: 34 weeks
Fetal Heartbeat: I wasn't listening
Size: Larger than before
Time to go: 29 days
Full Term: 8 days

It's here it's here!!! I have me a BPIAB and it's frigging awesome. It arrived yesterday and we pumped it up and everything. Didn't fill it though, the room wasn't ready. But OMG it's so cool. It has a seat. And handles. And squishiness. Ooooh yes. D likes it too, he's really pleased.

D and I did a belly cast last night. It's hilarious. Should hopefully be able to decorate it in a few days.

MW#2 is actually ok with homebirth!! We went to clinic today all psyched up for a battle, and she was was fine. Hoorah! She's coming round on Saturday 15th to leave the 'Box of Treats' ready for the birth, and to discuss all the stuff. Oh yes indeedio, I'mma have me a home birth.

Yes I know what you're thinking.

Me: Haha bitches, that's right, I'm having a home birth! *dances*

Internet: *smirk* It'll all fall apart and you'll end up in hospital splayed out in theatre while they hack you open and rip your child out in the most gruesome way possible. Then you won't see your child for three weeks and you'll be locked away for insanity.

Me: ...exaggerate much?

Internet: No. We just like to tell it like it is.

Me: Ok, well while you're doing that, I'm going to be busy giving birth at home.

Internet: Uh, good luck, biatch.

I've been intrigued by the responses from those who're in the know on our plans. Some are great, some are wary but supportive, and then there's the 'You are seriously insane and will probably die'. Those are the ones that make me sad...I know all too well I could end up in hospital, and know that it'll be for good reasons, on my terms. I also know people are on the lookout for me. I guess sometimes it's hard when you just assume (stupidly) that everyone will be happy for you.

I also get tired of the horror stories; it seems strange that people who had a horrific birth are desperate to share it, whilst those who had fantastic births tend to stay quiet. I've spoken to soooooo many people, and the Fantastic Births almost seem to want to find some way to taint their story, which makes me a little sad. Are we a society that is so used to having crappy news to share?

One thing that I AM thankful for is that one or two of the people who were anti-home have had a switch around in the last few days and are really supportive. One of them even brought round a massive black bag full of old sheets and blankets (thanks Mum).

MW#2 says Mocha is 4/5 engaged. YEAH baby. She's really cool, though I do miss MW#1. Still, at least we have a MW, and should hopefully not have to worry about moving on to MW#3, #4 or #5 unlike some. Still, I think I'm past caring who we get, as long as we actually get one (did you know that D could be prosecuted if he delivers Mocha? Good God...)

I finally got my pictures put up in the nursery. I'm still waiting for D to put the curtains up. I swear I'm determined not to lose my marbles. I'm hoping he'll do it either tomorrow or this weekend. He's gonna be busy because he's already got the lounge to move around to fit the pool in properly.

I'm so glad having a baby doesn't take much preparation.