For me this has been the hardest gallery post yet. Not because the spectacular lady that is Tara Cain has landed a wonderful opportunity for us Cybermummy and sponsorship from Photobox (and it's a great competition and prize). It's not because I was intimidated by all the other amazing entries, which quite frankly, left me wondering if I was capable.
But because I had no idea how to sum up "motherhood".
Especially in one picture, that I have taken myself.
I've never felt like a mother. Even now, when Noah runs up to me and shouts "Mummeeee!" it still feels like he's talking to someone else.
Isaac toddles over (yes, toddles, the boy is walking in a fashion), and flops himself on me for cuddles. Yet I think he does it just because there's no one else around.
I never had that "special bond" with Noah when he was born; I'm not sure we ever did, and that makes me really sad. Is that why some think I over compensate when it comes to looking after him? Managing his well being? Is it possible to over compensate? I love him, of course I do, but I forever worry that I'm not close enough to him even though I'm his mother. Isaac was a little easier; perhaps the PND wasn't so cruel second time around? He shows nearly as much independence as his brother; they both often just get on with it.
Just the word scares me.
I don't think it's about me. It's about them.
It's about throwing them out into the complete open, yet protecting them with nothing but your heart. It's about not knowing what the hell is right around the next corner, yet paving out a path for them to follow and be ok. It's about helping them reach for the skies, yet making sure they stay firmly grounded. It's about being the biggest support they will ever need, but taking a step back and being ready to catch them when they fall.