Oh Crap-a-Doodle-Doo. Noah is going to meet his Grandfather tomorrow. No biggie, only, we're not talking about D's dad. Nope, oh nope, he's meeting my old man, R, who I have neither seen nor spoken to for coming up 10 years.

It's a sad reason that prompted me to get the ball rolling. Last week Thursday, D and I were discussing whether Noah should meet D's Grandma, who was in a nursing home suffering from pneumonia. She would have no recollection of who D was, she barely knew her own daughter, but I thought it would have been nice for Noah to have a picture with her so at least years down the line, he could say he met his Great Grandmother; something I never had the chance to do.

This conversation was Thursday night. Friday afternoon, D got a call to say she had passed away. There was a sick sense of irony about it all, and oddly enough, I feel a little guilty that we had missed the opportunity. So I guess, my thinking was that I shouldn't deny Noah the chance to meet his own family, even if I don't really consider them family. R has always been a bit of a blur, even though he was around the whole time, I never saw him as "my dad". Just some random guy who I happened to share genes with, and made life hell for me, mum, sister C and brother K.

Speaking to C this week, she says she'll come with me as she's kept in touch with him. She was always his favourite, though I've never fully understood why. But she's great, and I'll appreciate her being there. I have no idea how to handle this; what to expect, how to feel, if he'll even be there or whether he might chicken out and conveniently 'be out' when we knock on the door.

C is organizing things his end; though in light of last weeks events, I'm quite paranoid as she says she can't get hold of him at the mo despite constantly trying. I'm not sure what I feel about that. Should I be bothered?

Am I bothered?
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