Due Date: 04/21/2009
Week: 40+4 days
Month: 10 (That's some funny shit right there)
Trimester: 3 (or maybe 4, I need to check this...)
Fetus Age: 39 weeks
Time to Go: About 3 years ago
Size: The coffee table
Time til potential induction: 6 days

Ultimatum of the day.

Consultant Mr U: We're obviously very concerned about this polyhydramnios. We would normally induce early on.

Me: But wouldn't that cause more problems?

Mr U: Well quite frankly we can keep an eye on things that way. But you don't want any intervention, is that right?

Me: Well yes...

Mr U: That I can understand. I know you're not happy about things.

Me: Yeah, intervention just freaks me out.

Mr U: Ok well that's fine. The plan is this - you can either have an internal now to see what's happening or you can stay in hospital until you go in to labour.

Me: ...uh...I'll just get undressed now...

And to add insult to injury? There's absolutely NO action AT. ALL. Zip, zilch, nada. Everything closed up and no sign of imminent arrival.*

Thrilled.

*I hasten to add, I've been on the raspberry leaf tea for some time, I'm eating pineapples til my mouth disintegrates, I've eaten more than enough spicy food, my crotch hurts for bouncing on the ball and my feet are like boats from walking around so much. And if anyone suggests sex, well, the only sex I'll be having is with a turkey baster, thanks.

Due Date: 04/21/2009
Week: 39+4 days
Month: 10
Trimester: 3
Fetus Age: 38 weeks
Time to Go: 4 Days (We'll see. Heh.)
Size: Too big to sneeze out
Time til potential induction: 6 days (yep, you read right)

It's been a bit of a turmoil these last few weeks. I reached breaking point, as most of you clearly saw (for which I would apologise, but I'm not going to be apologetic for being honest.), and there are so only so many different stories you can take from your "Medical Caregivers" (that title always makes me snort).

Thursday's scan showed the fluid had increased. Again. Up from 9.4 to just below 11cm. Heyyyy ain't that just great? Yeaaahh.... What REALLY made me laugh was when we came out of the room, Mme Sonographer asked us to hang around for a few minutes, but didn't say why. Turns out she had to go find a consultant to see if we needed to stay in Labour & Delivery for whatever reason. It's probably just as well she didn't say why before she went; she'd have found me running (walking fast/hobbling/waddling) out to the car park as fast as possible.

Friday's consultant appointment had me on edge. D and I packed the bags in the car, pretty much expecting to not be allowed home for monitoring/internals/inductions/big gaping baby heads emerging everywhere...

Ok maybe not that much, but certainly to be kept in for monitoring. We saw the Consultant who claimed actually I don't have Polyhydramnios but wanted to keep an eye but everything's ok but we should be concerned - Dude! Dude. Like, wtf? Is there any chance the medical profession could agree on something and stop playing mind-fuck games with me?

Due Date: 04/21/2009
Week: 37+3 days
Month: 9
Trimester: 3
Fetus Age: 36 weeks
Time to Go: 19 days
Size: Smaller than your mother.


You all knew it was coming. You all said "at the end of the day, blah blah blah, healthy mom healthy baby, yaddah yaddah". You all sat there thinking how nuts I must be trying to deliver another big baby at home. I'll even bet some of you wondered what point I was trying to make, or what was I trying to prove.

Maybe I'm just very paranoid (which is very true).

But as of today, I have given up. Scan yesterday, showed baby measuring about 9lbs in weight, with potential to gain a pound a week, but could go 20% either way. Fluid levels down from 11 point something to 9.4cm, so they're dropping and things starting to look good.

So whaddup?

They're all too scared. They actually threw a million scare stories at me during today's appointment. Mr Consultant actually said if I decided to stay at home, then he would pretty much not be involved in the delivery, and would not advocate me staying at home. Yes a MW would be in attendance if I called in, they would have to be, they have no choice (by law). But "if something were to go wrong, I would take full responsibility and no body else could be to blame".

"But of course, Mrs M, the decision at the end of the day is yours!"

I had no point to prove. I had no point to make. I just wanted to deliver my baby in an environment that I knew I would be happy in, that I would be comfortable with. Without fear of what would the medical profession would try to do if they got too close.

I am SO fully aware of all the dangers. I am also fully aware of the dangers that could happen with ANY. OTHER. BIRTH. He even said himself that shoulder dystocia can happen in a birth with a "normal" size baby. But once again, they're just pointing out as many of the factors as possible, including the fact that my fluid levels are still too high. So what would be REALLY great is if people can just be in agreement with what the hell is normal and what isn't. I can't cope being told one week that 11cm is acceptable and shouldn't be concerned until we got to 24cm. And then the following week, well actually 9.4cm is still too high, and even though the level has dropped, that's still not good enough.

So you know what? They win. This is a fight I can't keep up anymore. I'm frustrated, I'm tired. If I go into labour I'll go in to hospital. I don't want to, but after all they've freaked me out with, how the hell am I supposed to happily and comfortably give birth at home?? Christ, today when I went for my appointment, ALL the staff knew who I was and why I was there. Now I'm thinking that can't always be a good thing.

So I give up. I'm gutted. Actually, I'm more pissed off than I am upset. Pissed off because I didn't want it to be this way. I didn't want this birth to be so tainted. Maybe I should have just given up the fight earlier, but how can I do that when I'm told so many different things every time I walk in there?

They want to do another liqor scan at 39wks, do an internal and if nothing's happening, they want to induce. Pah. I think they may have to catch me first. I can only thank god that he refuses to do C/S, and has no intention of inducing unless absolutely necessary. I can't even begin to say how grateful I am for that. But that comes on the back of no home birth, and I can't even have a water birth in hospital because of the fluid crap thing. I'm starting to feel like everything is being taken away ("the decision is yours Mrs M...") and that quite simply, I'm just not going to enjoy this birth at all. I know I can't have everything. But even the few things I wanted have now gone.

I'm really fucked off. Like, they can't even give me straight answers, they can't prove anything, they don't know anything for sure and they've made me feel like crap in the process.

So that's that. I pretty much hope I go into labour before 39 weeks because I cannot, just CAN NOT face induction. And yes I KNOW that people have been induced and it's gone great. Good for you. But that's not what I want. I also understand that babies need to cook for as long as necessary. I can assure you I know that too. Remember my own mother is a Midwife. So is D's mother. But understand that I do not want medical intervention.

I don't like the way this has turned out. But I know at this point now, there's not a fat lot I can do. That's fair enough. I understand I need to go in. I understand I pretty much have no choice. My hands feel like they've been tied somehow...but you know what? I'll deliver this baby, and I don't care what anyone says, it's going to have to take one SERIOUS frigging situation before they have to intervene. There will be no C/S. There will be no medical intervention.

Any intervention will be my own doing. And it'll probably be in the form of large quantities of pineapples and fair amount of power walking. Possibly with the odd curry thrown in. Now if you'll excuse me, these Braxton Hicks are driving me batshit and I have a Poopgate appointment with the bathroom.

Due Date: 04/21/2009
Week: 35+3 days
Month: 9
Trimester: 3
Fetus Age: 34 weeks
Time to Go: 32 days, though at this rate, who the hell knows?
Size: King/Queen
Time til NEXT Growth Scan: 7 days

Soooo....after all of that, it seems I've got other things to worry about. Thank you so much to all those who replied, and especially those who gave me a cyber kick up the arse. On reflection, yes I know it's hormones, and I'm stupidly tired and ha ha! Of course Noah doesn't hate me! (Not yet, anyway, give it about 14 years maybe) And this blog tends to receive the brunt of my whining (ya'll some very strong/supportive/intriguing people to carry on reading...that means a whole lot). But there are just some days, which we all have, when I just feel completely incompetent. And whilst it sucks, I think I just need to find some way to embrace that.

Due Date: 04/21/2009
Week: 29+0 days
Month: 7
Trimester: 3
Fetus Age: 27 weeks
Time to Go: 76 days
Size: Average, with built in swimming pool

You see, GTT is actually a form of torture. GTT actually does not stand for Glucose Tolerance Test.

It stands for:

Get The pregnant lady to spew up anything we give her and make her retch for a good half hour after the Torture.

So no, we weren't successful this morning. I got about three quarters of the way through the drink, retching all the way, and finally threw some back up. Lovely. Which meant the test was immediately over. AFTER they had already jabbed me with the needle and taken blood and the rest.

If you've never had a GTT, you're required to fast for 14 hours beforehand (which is just as well I failed because I may have eaten 11½ hours earlier...). So pregnant lady, empty stomach. Let's just remember that.

They then take your blood, which I have no problem with. Needles do not phase me. What DID phase me, was the cup of warm, tropical flavoured Lucozade, which had the consistency of phlegm. THAT did not go down so well. I took a sip at first and immediately felt my stomach churn. I knew this would not go well.

So I took a humongous swig in the hope that I could just get it down faster. I started heaving and brought a tiny bit back up. Which, stupidly, I swallowed again straight away. Psyched up for the home stretch I took another large swig and DING DING DING!! JACKPOT!! Up it came.

Test over. So I go back in the morning to do it again! I can't wait.

However, the good news that came out of this morning was that the (LOVELY AWESOME FAB) midwives at the hospital don't think there's cause for concern with the whole polyhydramnios thing; they reckon my levels are in the normal range. They're speaking to the consultants to see if I need referral, but it's unlikely. And they're still convinced I'll get my home birth. BUT I do need to do the GTT again because of the potential link between the two.

I'm trying to understand most of this, and follow the lingo and jargon, and surprisingly, I'm still not worried at this stage. I'm not sure why, I don't know if I should be worried, but no, still not phased.

I would, however, like to tell you all about the fact that my son and I share EVERYTHING. Today whilst he was sat on my lap for a cuddle watching tv, my own case of excess F.O.F. caught me off guard. I dripped watery snot directly into his hair. Of course I wiped it out immediately. He didn't even notice.

See how loving, caring and sharing we are in our house?