Due Date: 01/03/2008
Week: 17+1 day
Month: 5
Trimester: 2
Fetus Age: 15 weeks

Fetal Heartbeat: 139 bpm

Size: 12.5 - 14 cm

Time to Go: 159 days

Hahahahahahahaha! The Situation has reached all new heights, especially when I called up Personnel yesterday and found they hadn't been notified of my pregnancy, which they SHOULD have been told about since I told work...Oh dear, tut tut tut. And another tut for good luck (and fun). So hopefully they're gonna send me a load of stuff, whilst I 'Discuss Things' with JT. Needless to say, I intend to kick ass, because the stress of this has been ridiculous. And 'Discuss Things', is a slightly non descript way of saying 'Take it Up Another Notch', or 'Show People What Happens When You Try To Fuck Me Over Good And Proper', or perhaps even 'Seriously, Do Not Screw With The Pregnant Lady'. Or in plain English, 'I'm Gonna Go All Legal On Yo Ass'.

The Lovely DrMc advised me yesterday (as I collected another sick note) that if I do Discuss Things, then they have plenty of documentation to back me up all the way. This makes me strangely satisfied, because I finally feel like I'm starting to get some real support, the support I should have had from people involved in The Situation back in May (too late now guys, too late now...)

Physio on Wednesday was also entertaining - I have a Maternity Belt! I am the all time fashionista queen.

It's hideous.

Like a big white thing, with boney things on it that secures itself around my fat ass. It doesn't even look like a long t-shirt or something. It's almost hilarious. And something even funnier? If I'm sitting with my back up against something and my legs stretched out in front of me, I can't lift my left leg off the floor! You're lucky if you get about 2 inches lift. Right leg of course, shoots up to the heavens with little to no effort. It's quite amusing to watch...

Still on the crutches. Even The Physio Nurse was impressed with how fast I could get around them. I got skills.

And now on to some more good news (see? I can do happy posts once in a while) - one of the car seats arrived this morning, and I actually got a teensy bit excited. I just spent 15 minutes working out how to adjust it and stuff, and it's really easy. Absolute bargain too (thank you Mamas & Papas sale).

AM has taken the snakes so I can now start some real work on the nursery - which reminds me, I must find the wallpaper steamer remover thingy in the garage. And find somewhere to put the doube bass.

You know what's really nice? I think I'm finally starting to get excited. The days still drift by, and I feel minimal connection to Mocha - much as I want to spend time rubbing the belly and reading stories to a lopsided bump, it's still difficult to do. I'm obviously aware about her wellbeing, and more often than not, when I'm on the Slippery Slope, all I can think about is 'is she ok, I hope I'm not hurting her'.

I'd hate to hurt her. I'd hate to know that a perfect beautiful little baby Mocha could have been harmed by my stupidity or some kind of selfishness. I want her to be perfect. If she's not, I'll blame myself for a million years. I know she'll be loved. I know I'll love her to the ends of the Earth and time. But I find it so hard to love something that still doesn't seem real yet. Yeh She moves (though not felt it much lately) and there's a bump which screams hello every morning, and for the love of God if my belt isn't round my ass, I feel sick, but it's still so hard to connect.

I hope I do connect soon though, because I'd really like to get to know Mocha, real soon.

5 wks 17wks