ACK I posted a long blog and blogger's server then went down - lost the entire blog lol

Anyway, where are we today:

Due Date: 01/10/2008
Week: 5+6 days
Month: 2
Trimester: 1
Fetus Age: 4 weeks

http://www.doula.org.uk/ Here is a website I must consider reading sometime.

Today was damn scary; DH and I went to see Chris about work and what my options were. This dizzy thing is really annoying and even part time is a problem. The basic conclusion seemed to be either keep going, power on through and see how I feel despite jeapardising my job and attendance figures, or get out, look after myself and the baby consider taking a break from DPA. I hate that idea but even as I type it, it seems like the right thing to do. Even talking to Helen after Chris she said (as a mate in a pub) to get out while I can and make the most of the Golden Opportunity. She had a point. But I hate my instinct that says I have to worry about everyone else; I hate the idea that the kids are going without lessons and that they'll have yet another teacher. Mind you, even this year hasn't been the best for them.

Still, I know there are far better teachers than me out there, who could really get some of those kids moving. Ian always raves about Claire so there's lots that she could do with them even though she's only part time...but I think back to all the stress I've endured with Ian and the lack of support from the team...Helen suggested coming back in time through Music Tots which is a FAB idea...but I can't believe the idea of quitting my job at 28 years old, and not even having been there 2 years. DH hit the nail on the head when he reminded me that probably the big reason why I don't want to go is because I've had to work so hard to get to where I am. I think I'm going to have to make a decision by half term in a few weeks.

There are so many pros and cons to this, it's SO frustrating.

On a happier note, my books arrived today - Your Pregnancy Week by Week and also Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy. They both look GREAT, and far better than that What to Expect When You're Expecting, which I've come to the conlusion is quite crap (and very dull). The two new books seem really informative and they were recommendations from the girls on Fertility Friend. YPWBW looks great, it seems so informed and the pictures are actually really cool. I haven't flicked through much of the Mayo Clinic one yet.

Today I'm so tired. DH dropped me off after the meeting and I lay down on the sofa to read and watch (yet more) birthing/baby progs - and I slept for about 3 hours!!! I found it quite ironic given how much I seem to struggle to sleep sometimes (this pregnancy thing is beyond belief lol)

I had some cause for celebration though, I finally graduated to my DD maternity bras today lol. I had forgotten how comfy they are! Bit concerned though that this bloating means i gotta wear them on the biggest clasp. I can't remember what the woman in M&S said about what clasp they should be on, but having said that, she was trying me out in C cups (er yes hi???! I'm normally a D cup anyway!!)

And yesterday I discovered that my size 14 trousers are FAAARRRRR more comfy than my 10s and 12s. The bloating is making me laugh and I'm due for my 6 week picture tomorrow morning - I think the diff could be quite entertaining! My tummy was still pretty much flat at 4 weeks, and at 5 weeks...well let's just say that some of the 3-4 month mums could have a run for their money :oD

I can't wait to see li'l Mocha Bean on 11th June. Still hoping and praying everything is ok. I told DH that when we go, if it's another blighted ovum then I don't want to see the screen. I'll never forget that previous image, it's like it's engraved on my brain. Strangely enough, if it does go wrong again this time, obviously I'm not sure how I'll be, but I think I might not be so bad because I've tried to enjoy this pregnancy, and I'll hope and perhaps know in my heart that I did everything right for Mocha Bean.

ps Mocha is almost the size of an apple pip. ^_^